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I have no idea what to tell you. The relationship is over and he is pushing you away. I don’t think he is all that enthusiastic about being a father and husband. You two are too young to be married. You aren’t mature enough to handle the responsibilities. Maybe getting into counseling will help. If he is not interested just put him in child support after the child is born. Get him involved in his child’s life.
It's not that I don't see myself taking care of her (I certainly would do everything in my power to do so). Rather, I'm not sure if I will be able to, if I end up remaining the sole income-provider, with two aging parents (that are also flat broke) and no financial support whatsoever. But I understand what you're saying.
Yes, thank you. This is good advice. Out of all the times I've tried to explain to him what he does or does not do, it always ends the same. He will try to change or he dismisses my feelings. I will put the blame on myself and my mental health. I want to feel better and I know I have the best chance to do so away from him. I also have friends and family who are supporting my decision and will be there for me.
this is reddit so imma be that guy…. why isn't it a possibility that she cheated?
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I was in your position a year ago. I’m still in the relationship. It gets better a little bit but not by much. I love him but he makes me miserable but I chose to stay because I love him. Don’t waste your time if this is how it starts.
I am now leading towards NC but i'm worried on what i should say to his mom and family so that they understand my decision. Should i say it's so that his behavior doesn't worsen?
You’re a doormat. Be a man, have some self-respect for once, and end this horrible relationship.
if she was… hopefully she knows that that is definitely NOT the scenario I would do that in.
He is sorry, has acknowledged how his actions have affected me and is clearly ashamed of himself. He has retreated into a pool of self loathing that I would usually pull him out of. But honestly, right now I don’t give a shit. And I really don’t want to deal with his self loathing. I’m the wronged party here, I shouldn’t have to do the emotional leg work of picking him up, patting him on the back and telling him it’ll all be okay.
For the record, while some of this is likely his natural response to being called out most of it is just deeply manipulative. It's a common tactic for people who know they're in the wrong to go overboard denigrating themselves until the party they've wronged feels obligated to step in and apologize to THEM. From the way you wrote this it sounds like it happens a lot in your relationship. Does this pattern look familiar?
Your husband crosses a line.
You tell him, calmly, that you didn't like what he did and why it was an issue.
Rather than discussing it he explodes in a shower of self-loathing and excessive martyr-esque apologies. “I'm the worst person in the world, I don't deserve you, I'm horrible, I'm so sorry,” etc.
YOU apologize to HIM and focus on making HIM feel better about you confronting him, and the original offense is largely forgotten while you work overtime to micromanage his outburst.
8 years is not that long. Better leave now so you can start building a new life, than wait longer and then either way end up divorcing and regretting the fact that you didnt act earlier.
Keep your heartless, soul-less “advice” to yourself. You are in no way providing any support OP came here for.
Yes.
Thanks for that context. I’m happy to hear that. So the reality is that you’re infatuated with her and putting her up on a pedestal while wearing rose colored glasses. In general, no judgement here. Everyone gets excited in these similar situations.
But you need to realize she’s not perfect. I’m not saying she’s not amazing or as great as you’ve learned that she is, but you’re currently looking at her as the model of perfection and are worrying that you aren’t good enough. You need to let that go.
No one’s holding a gun to her head to be with you. It’s not even just one date; it’s multiple dates and it’s still going. As such, you need to be confident in yourself. While you’re here worrying that she’s too good for you? She’s thinking the same.
The issue becomes not that you’re “too kind” or “too romantic;” those are great attributes. The problem is that many people (and I assume you) see being overbearing as being kind and romantic. It’s not.
You’re also asking for constant reassurance. That’s a problem and you need to stop. It’s honestly absurd that you’re doing this this early. It’s never good, but it’s really really bad considering you’re at the two week point. Just accept that she’s into you. Her actions will show you if she’s not.
Oh okay
It’s not. I can understand doing that when he’s in a bad mood but if he’s always in a bad mood- not sucking him off isn’t the problem. He needs to start meditating.
Please, whatever happens, don’t stop him developing a relationship with his child, not for his sake but because the child isn’t at fault. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
People leave. Now. If not, he is going to physically hurt you if not kill you.
My wife would be like “I'm sleeping with you in the hotel, no way you're pulling that shit”
And I don't blame her, that's how my wife and I feel about getting a nice hotel room after having a drinking party full of single people that one of us aren't invited to.
I don’t count like that ? reddit made me mention it in months, I mentioned 5+ years in context