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Ok. I think it’s more I don’t trust myself to make the right decision and that’s transferring to him.
You’re right. Some of it I learned through the snooping and some was direct from his mouth when I had a bf. it still hurt cuz I wasn’t fully over him still despite having a bf. which makes me sound messed up, but in my defense, that bf gave me an ultimatum essentially to be his gf and was a love bomber (I dumped him once I realized the red flags)
I haven’t had much relationship experience in my life (late bloomer and introverted) so I’m constantly trying to learn. I do agree it’s a self esteem thing too, I’d like to work on it. Thank you.
Honest is great, but if she weren't seriously considering it she wouldn't have brought it up.
If it's not a strong yes (for the relationship), it's a “no.”
How would you trust that she is committed to the relationship after this?
Tacky is the nicest possible adjective.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I went through something similar and the first psychiatrist I saw told me that the first step to accepting what happened to me, is accepting that I might never fully know the whole story.
However, that does not mean you should just graze over your memory of saying no. What you explained here was rape. Please, please, please see a therapist if you can. Your university may provide mental health services.
If you want to chat further, I’m going through therapy for an SA right now. I’m no expert but I can at least lend an ear until you get more help.
Eww. You don't need to handle this. Just go.
God I don't miss being in my early 20s
Don’t beat yourself up, you are still young. The reality is that relationships are boring, maybe you weren’t ready for a LTR just yet.
Get into therapy and explore yourself and where you want your life to go.
I'm talking about his best friend. Not hers. Obviously.
The fact that someone else confirmed it was a lie was probably necessary for him to realize that.
He’s 29? And acting like a teenager?
Call his family and tell them you are breaking up with him and he has threatened self harm. Makes plan so they can take care of him after you leave. Definitely leave
Dump him.
Today on Reddit local victim finds out he is, in fact, the asshole.
Wow can't belive he did that to you, super manipulative. He should've been honest with you from the beginning.
My dude, she hit you. I have CPTSD and I have never EVER hit someone. If I did, you can bet I would be removing myself from the home to keep other people safe and having an emergency session with my therapist to figure out how to proceed to ensure the people in my life are safe. She has done nothing to actually prevent herself from doing this in the future.
You need to love yourself and care for yourself more than you care for Jane.
If she's hiding something, it means she has something to hide.
Profound isn't it?
You should talk to an attorney. Do you really want to stay married to this creep?
Separate yourself from him legally and financially as soon as possible and then tell her to file a policy report and do what she needs to do.
Send her a nice gift and thank her for letting you know who you were really married to.
The pull-out method rarely works. Only scientifically proven methods work. And even then not always 100% due to occasional chance of failure. But things like the pill, condoms are still worlds better than just pulling out.
Dude. Get away from this girl now.
There are women in this world who LOVE to use their mouths to write checks that their Man's ass is gonna have to cash.
Your girlfriend just showed you that she is one of those girls. She is going to force you into situations where you have to “prove your manhood” by defending her. And apparently, you on-line in the sort of neighborhood I used to online to. The sort of neighborhood where proving your manhood can be a very, VERY deadly proposition
End it with this chick. Do not let her force you into a confrontation like the one you just walked away from ever again.
You might not walk away from the next one. And I promise you bro, there WILL be a “next one” if you stay with this girl.
I’m not saying they shouldn’t be close with your kids or not be in their lives. He needs to step it up too. You need to have a serious conversation with him and get past his bull crap. I can see why your so frustrated through this whole post.
No man is worth risking your career. Take it from a 30 year old nontrad trying to apply now because a pathetic man was so threatened by the idea of me making more that I let him manipulate me into postponing my plans…….. and that was a 5 year relationship.
Don't waste your time.
Wait so he's been abusive from the start , with her yet she is JUST now coming forward being a nut case blaming you?? Why didn't she blame you the 1st time he was abusive?
I really need help explaining why my sisters husband is what he is.
Your ex knows he did wrong by snogging your sister when he was engaged to you. He hates himself for this. He takes his self-hatred out on your sister. He blames her for his weakness which allowed her to seduce him.
Your ex wanted you back, but you refused (rightly). He got stuck with your sister. Because of this, every flaw of hers, every annoying little thing she does, is magnified tenfold in his mind. He thinks to himself that he should have had you, and she becomes intolerable to him.
Your sister wanted what you had. She did something wicked to steal your man. She got the man, and his children, but then discovered that she did not get the happiness you had with him. She hates the idea that you were happy with him, but that she can never be. She is desperately seeking any way to blame this on you. Now, she thinks she's found one. OP was never happy with him, she tells herself. OP tricked me, foisting her abusive fiance on her innocent sister instead of just dumping him. She must have been cackling with glee when we got married, your sister tells herself.
I don't have any practical advice for your situation, but maybe I've helped you see the situation from an outside perspective.
To me, your sister sounds like the kind of person who always gets the people around her to do what she wants. She wanted your fiance to kiss her, and then marry her, and then get her pregnant, and he did. She wanted her family to forgive her for her betrayal, and they did. Now, she wants her family to blame you for her plight, and it looks like they're halfway there.
Do you think this description of her is correct? If your sister has such a dominant personality that all of your family is under her thumb, I suspect there's not much you can do about it. The main thing would be to make sure you don't knuckle under her will as well. I'm not saying you should go no-contact, as everyone else here seems to be suggesting, but living in another town, having your own means of support, not being at hand to be pressured on a whim, making sure the next man you start dating is not an easy target for whatever scheme she might cook up — that might go a long way towards letting you find some happiness.
Getting a sperm donation is way easier than an egg or a surrogate, so if one of you had to be barren, it's way easier to fix if it's you.
Am I the only one who thinks the option ‘do nothing’ is perfectly feasible? I’d try and barely give it another thought, she goes to the wedding, you don’t, all ticks on fine. If the relationship continues to be good and you both are happy and nothing appears to you shady otherwise, I’d just accept that she had her own probably totally boring reason (maybe not thinking a year was long enough or not wanting to drag you into family drama) and be like meh whatever.
Either that or if it bugged me too much I’d just finish the relationship (if I was starting to feel detached about the whole thing). But if all seems good …
I’d still bear it in mind as an indication of character and showing that my gf is more inclined to tell ‘white lies’ in order to keep the peace rather than risk even a mild confrontation. I’d keep an eye out for that causing any other problems in the relationship and how she handles other things. But I think you have to step one way or the other – either it bothers you enough to end it, in which case do that, or it doesn’t, in which case let it go and don’t let resentment build up.
Regardless of him sulking like a little girl, you now have all the info you need.
He does indeed only want to see you for sex.
If he doesn’t want to see you during the day at the weekend for normal coupley things then you’re his FWB.
I’d cut my losses. It’s only been 6 months. Not long enough to have invested too much and wasted too much time.
This isn’t going to change. If he’s not interested in any more after 6 months he never will be. Not with you anyway.
thank you, sounds simple enough but I really needed to hear this. I appreciate it.
I'd say the best thing to do would be talk to him about this. I know it would be nude to do but communication is key in relationships and it will help with what you want
She obviously needs therapy
The irony of calling a guy creepy when a bunch of women are discussing him without his knowledge is amazing.