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I agree! I actually love doing things for him and I had actually agreed to go shop after he asked me but he complained about having to ask me at all and made a very snarky comment about how “things like that don’t come natural to you do they” and other really condescending comments…I don’t talk to him anymore for that and other reasons. It’s just a frustrating experience because I’m a helper by nature and he basically didn’t appreciate any of it
That's OK. Really. There's nothing wrong with that. You can take as much time as you need to get there. The right person will understand. The point is that you do what's best for you and your comfort level, not your partner.
It’s not normal and you should be happy
“I'm a short chubby guy, very little beard, not necessarily very attractive.”
u/OP you need to start looking and loving yourself first. It seems to me that you may low self-esteem and confidence. Start building that up…If you start with that, then you're on the right path. Then your whole perspective would change! also another thing, humour is key!! if you can make her laugh then it won't matter if you have a 6 pack. there are loads of other dudes out there who's very attractive but that is it.. got nothing else to offer. You need to start slow and incorporate staying fit/eating healthy CONSISTENTLY. then you will start looking better, feeling better, feeling more attractive and ergo more confident. You won't end up thinking that you're not worth it because someone is too attractive to have you.. think of marilyn Monroe and arthur miller… it's all in the head bruv.. I think she likes you otherwise she wont spend that much time with you.. how long has this been going on for?
Reddit always says dump him, if it’s eating at you then you need to talk about it. Relationships are about communication. Talk to him about the situation, even though it’s hard, you will come to a conclusion, either you dump him or you believe him.
Don’t ask Reddit, they don’t know you’re whole relationship. They only see this little tiny snippet of your entire relationship and everyone is so trigger happy on dumping him.
He didn't have a “hunch” he literally violated her privacy because he thought things were “too good to be true”. He has no leg to stand on here. She has every right to be upset.
But now that you know OP, you should admit what you did and find out why she has them. Don't play games, don't delete anything in secret. Stop snooping through her things and clear the air. What a mess you made for yourself OP.
Are you too picky? To want a man who loves you for yourself and thinks you’re beautiful as you are and is not controlling about food? Re-read the first part of your post again. The part where you don’t want to be with a man who gives you insecurities. Listen to that girl. She’s smart. Your bf is being controlling and unkind. There are a million girls out there with different bodies. He can choose one of them and not bother you with these unsolicited opinions. I would not get married to a man with such little respect for me and who is so willing to be manipulative and misogynistic to get his way.
“Knock first” is way insufficient. The other part is “Unless you’re housesitting, don’t let yourself in. If nobody answers, they’re busy. If the door is locked, they’re either gone or really, really busy in a way you don’t want to interrupt. For gods sake don’t let yourself in with the key.”
It's the same if you were in a club or a any public place and a person in your company started talking shit about you.
No one in a normal group of friends would allow that.
It is not necessary to swear back, it is enough to say that this is unacceptable and he should apologize, or leave the “place / game”.
I can’t imagine a situation where I would sit with my boyfriend and just listen to shit in my direction and he would just be silent. I would be terribly uncomfortable!
I can stand up for myself, I don't need a white knight, but silence from loved ones is terribly uncomfortable.
You should let her go. She has made her priorities and you are low on it, not just under school, but other people too. You can't make her care about you.
Bro, let me ask you something sincerely. Have you ever disclosed whether you are cis before sex?
You are on Reddit asking strangers for advice. You deserve time to yourself with an actual therapist.
Why should you consider his emotions when he doesn't consider yours? He makes the abuse about himself. It happened to you. He's not loving or caring. He's emotionally abusive.
All of this unhappiness and unhealthy conditions around should be enough information to make a decision. It should be perfectly clear that there is nothing in this relationship that you can improve to make it suitable for you. Move on.
Alright so then what’s the plan here? What’s the solution?
He’s treating you like you’re his property and not a partner.
He’s being totally ridiculous because he has some unfounded fear that you’ll cheat on him.
Plenty of people catch up with exes. My husband recommended our realtor to his ex when she moved to our town. I catch up with my ex from like 15 years ago every few years.
Do NOT apologize for anything. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is his own issue he needs to sort out. I mean, sure you should be open to communicating further and helping him see your point of view. But that’s about it.
He can get over it.
For reference it's not so much that he's the center of MY social life. It's that he's a major central figure in my small and marginalized community that is the only community in which i can date as a queer person. I can't really expand my circle further without moving.
I HAVE tried just pulling back and not interacting with him as much, not intentionally spending time with him, etc but because I'm one of his best friends he seeks me out too.
If your post history is the same guy (about 9 months ago) you said he punched you, choked you with a belt and walked you like a dog with the belt around your neck when you were upset with him flirting with other women. Then you need to get to someplace safe, away from him. He’s going to hurt you again or he will kill you. It’s just a matter of time. Please contact your family or friends to get you out of there.
What is there to confront? You’re not dating so you’re not really entitled to anything.
A lot of the ongoing trauma for many victims of SA is the guilt/shame that they know this person is a predator and they can't do anything about it, because of power imbalance. They know that they won't be the last victim, and they can't do anything about that.
So yes, a lot of SA victims would actually be glad to hear of consequences like this coming to their assaulter.
Are yall white and the new kid a minority? Seems like a very targeted question and response.
Here's the thing: as people grow up and mature, their need to be glued to their family's side should decrease. Particularly as they begin to build their adult lives with a partner and kids. The partner should become the main relationship. Sure, family is important, but it should not come at the expense of partnerships. That is unhealthy and toxic.
Your bf has either not matured enough yet to realize this, he has a very co-dependent relationship with his parents – to the point where he is failing to launch as a fully functioning adult – and/or he honestly believes this is how he wants to on-line his life.
So, you are starting to recognize the toxicity in his behavior and though process. You will need to decide if this works for you (sounds like it doesn't). I can tell you that him waking up and realizing his focus should be on his partner will take YEARS to occur to him. It may never occur to him. I know someone with very similar thought processes who has yet to truly understand why his relationships never work out. He is in his 50s…
I really appreciate this. I hope we can get over it and I’ll face any consequences just to keep our relationship. Thank you and I’ll keep u guys updated regarding this.
Are you sure she didn't cheat before getting married?
Then end it. You said it yourself that you are done.
Pack your shit and leave. He's been cheating on you your entire relationship.
I appreciate that feedback. And I totally feel pathetic so glad to see that it’s not just me – I absolutely will not send it
I guess he is.
People are so fast to jump into assuming cheating and he's not that guy. At no point have I ever been concerned with that.
What you’re feeling is normal. Don’t ignore the red flags just because you want to give him a chance. This guys next serious girlfriend will probably get her own episode of Forensic Files.
There's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to this kind of thing, but please just stop and think for a second. It's not exactly the same, but as a thought experiment, how would you approach the situation if you were having these thoughts about another man? Would you tell your husband? Would you daydream and wish you could explore it further? Or would you shut it down, and distance yourself from this person for the sake of your marriage?
Look, I have my feelings about these situations, so I'm biased. My personal view is that it doesn't matter; man or woman, it's the same thing.
My view on situations like this, where feelings, a crush, lustful thoughts, or whatever start to occur too much about a specific person, you distance yourself and avoid situations that would trigger those feelings as much as possible. Dealer's choice if you tell your partner, but personally I just wouldn't want to know. I've discussed this with my girlfriend and my philosophy is that I trust her to recognize and handle a situation like this, and that it's better not to tell me. We're all human, and stuff like this can come up, but it's up to us to handle it.
Sounds like your current BF needs to up his game with respect to jewelry and give you a actual reason not to wear the old stuff.
You're overreacting.
You love her to death but no proposal/wedding after six years. She's your comfort choice just like your hers.
What she said is no different than a man saying there are women who are more attractive out there but he finds his gf attractive and he picked her.
Depends on the friend. My wife has a few guy friends that used to crash at our house or vice versa constantly. They're like family even to me. Likewise I have one female friend who's kids I practically helped raise before she found her soul mate.
It's not always nefarious. Though in OP's statement it's questionable at best