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Ugh
Are you threatening people in this comment thread? If so you need help my friend
23f here! I’ve been known to have an old timers mindset when it comes to relationships. To each their own of course! I know some don’t agree with my ideology, but in regards to what I realized works best long term, is looking for these things.
One of my main priorities on a first date was at the very least, he offers. That shows me that A) Finances aren’t his top concern when it comes to finding a life partner. B) He has a traditional mindset. (My preference) C) He’s a risk taker. D) He can take care of me. (Long term, when children come along, I prefer to not be working and investing in them.)
My rule of thumb is to not let him pay on the first date. Simply the offer to have an understanding of what I’m getting myself into.
To be taken seriously, lay all your cards on the table. If you want to be my friends, we’ll split the bills to the end of our days. As for a lover, my personal needs are to be nurtured and known I can be taken care of when it comes down to it.
How old are you? Who travels to who when you have met in-person?
Your gut feeling is likely accurate.
Time to eject from this relationship. There really is nothing else to do. This kind of accusation could ruin your life, OP. She could use this accusation to prevent you from being with your child in the future. She could post this accusation on social media.
My advice is to tell her that you are not discussing something you didn't do ever again. Period. And just walk away if she starts up again. Seriously. Stop continuing to attempt defending yourself for something that didn't happen.
Stop going anywhere with her (especially to visit her family!). Stop having sex with her. Stop sleeping in the same bed with her. Tell her that anyone who could even THINK such a terrible thing about you is not someone you want to spend your life with. Or even one more month.
You're only 21, OP. Something like this could haunt you for the rest of your life. Don't let it.
You don’t tell them. I know that’s nude – especially since you want to have a healthy relationship with your parents/mom. But you can’t.
I was in the same position. My parents were really overbearing and wanted/still want to know my every move. So I tell them little bits, but not the full thing. Or I don’t say anything at all. It seems you don’t want to omit things or maybe they pressure you until you tell them everything.
What I did: If my parents asked me if I was going on dates, I’d say no. If I came home late, I was studying – which is true – you’re studying another person/their psychology and anatomy ;p If pressed into WHAT I was studying – whatever subject I wanted in the moment.
If things ever got heated, I’d leave the house. As I got older, my favorite phrase became “if we can’t speak like adults, we won’t speak at all”
I thought you were going to tell a tale of you constantly asking him about other women, working yourself up every time he's nice to a waitress, etc. Accusations of multiple affairs. I wasn't expecting you to ask about perfume in your bedroom and get a full-on gaslighting for one simple question.
I'd be very very worried and suspicious if I were you.
Jfc. He is 10 years older than you and lies like a child. Why are you wasting your time
Depends on your background or your country (I still know Countries where you need to find a reason to win more money during the divorce) I guess. If you look at op's posts you'll see that something is definetly off with him.
If you have to have his Instagram password the relationship isn’t really worth salvaging anyway, especially at your age. The gross group chat is just icing on the cake.
In any case, I would consider talking to a therapist about your (very understandable) trust issues. That’s a relationship killer. Also, don’t date people who aren’t good boyfriends! You deserve more!
Wait through ages 8-13?
Was he pressured into it? I guess 12-13 is when puberty starts so some sort of sexual stuff can happen there but 8-11 sounds to me like he's been victim of sexual assault as minor himself.
What's worse he then did it to his baby sister when she was 8?
I dunno OP but from my view this is not normal nor healthy. I'll give him benefit of the doubt that he did that because he was just a kid and his hormones got better of him so if you want to stay in the relationship you just need to push it as far to the back of your memory as possible.
I don’t feel a daily shower is necessary if you haven’t gotten sweaty or dirty. The good smelling things and excessive showers demanded by your boyfriend could be exacerbating your eczema. Honestly, he sounds like a degrading, controlling asshole.
Updateme!
Don’t see him again, it’s not worth it
He said he’d never had to consider this when volunteering his time before
I would tell him that the reason for this is because you are incredibly understanding and have never asked him to consider your feelings in these matters, and now you are pulling a veto card as his wife and soon-to-be mother of his child.
He is being incredibly unrealistic here. He works full-time but wants to spend a full HALF of his free days away from his child? He's intentionally setting himself up to miss out on a lot of his child's life and firsts. And of course there's the burden it puts on you.
You have already compromised a lot. You don't need to find an “in-the-middle” situation here. You can just say no. “This time, you need to say no. This is not feasible for our family, and you chose me as your family when you married me and impregnated me. Our family comes first.”
Hopefully this is a wakeup call for him to be more considerate of your time and feelings when committing to other people.