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When I meet friends, I usually don't see the need to mention everyone. Which was never any issue.
If it's someone you voiced before you're uncomfortable with, then things might be different. Which leads to the questions why this person makes you uncomfortable.
He doesn’t want to change. You’re making that part up in your head. He’s doing exactly what he wants to do – which is NOT a faithful, monogamous relationship with you.
Lord. So you’re telling me the person you’re with hasn’t moved on from something minuscule or grown in the last 15 years? 15 years is a long time to walk on eggshells. There’s absolutely some sacrifice and compromise involved in marriage, but that’s a two way street. Where you compromise and sacrifice, there needs to be matched effort or at the very least some effort on her end to grow so you no longer have to be taking the entire burden.
I have a feeling that she's testing the waters to see how you react. She probably still watches it.
Yea consider this as a warning. I’ve had couples in counseling about this very thing to the point of putting themselves in financial straits to send money home. It’s common for people that have family back home but if you agree it needs to be reasonable.
But to me her reaction doesn’t bode well so even with an agreement I would be upset by how she treated you when you said no.
Girl what?!! Him being an asshole is way more than enough of a reason to dump him. Don't worry about the why, just want better for yourself.
English is not my first language but thank you for your kindness ♥️
This is really really good advice. I needed someone to tell me this at the same age.
Yeah that’s a fundamental issue hat can’t be ignored. It’s a breach of trust and shows very poor financial judgment on her part. I would definitely NOT want to hitch my financial wagon up with this person.
It would also be immediately off-putting if the person I was interested in, basically demanded that we get coffee. Yes, it could be a socially awkward person. It could ALSO be a person with control issues. I'm not ready to take a risk on someone who slapped me with a yellow flag before we even went out ?
Just FYI I am on your side. I met my ex for closure purposes, my current partner has no issues and I have no romantic feelings towards my ex at all. Life is complicated
Ugh, I agree that there's no *need* to go but this isn't exactly a “choose him” situation. It's a one-time meetup and the husband has said he's slightly uncomfortable but ultimately ok with it.
And the thing is, the husband SHOULD trust OP enough to be ok with it and if he's understating his discomfort that's on him for not communicating and for distrusting his wife.
I think OP should go if she wants to, be prepared to bail immediately if it gets weird, and plan to not make this a recurring thing. She definitely seems to have the strength to resist this guy as she's done so in the past when she wasn't happy with his behavior.
Vague nonsense, overly defensive and dense replies…I'm smelling troll.
How in the world does him being attracted to you and interested in sex = “not into females” to you?
What are you even asking? For him to clarify if it would just be a booty call or if he sees the potential for a long term relationship? If so, just ask him. Otherwise, this makes no sense.
??? “extra careful”
This is what I’m saying. When I send my sister the occasional $40 because she’s an irresponsible 21 year old, I check and double check that it’s going to the right person.
A dick pick is almost always going to the “right” person, despite what stories anyone has heard. Those “accidents” are anything but.
You're new to dating/relationships so things have a much higher intensity and importance to you.
You were not dating, not exclusive, she hadn't made any commitments to you. You don't own her, she can do as she pleases.
That being said, was it inconsiderate? Yes. Did it mean anything to her other than just some fun? Probably not, if she didn't know him.
Don't think a kiss is the end of the world. She clearly messaged you because she wants some kind of follow-up with you.
Read the messages, it's probably something along the lines of an apology and her wanting to progress things with you. Don't shut it all down over a drunken kiss when you didn't even have the whole “relationship talk”.
Good luck.
It feels like lots of details are missing in this story. I guess they have their own house, and he paid for it since OP isn't working? What is she contributing to the relationship to be making such demands exactly?
Also, OP mentioned in another comment that she lied about their ages. Age matters in this context. Is OP's partner a fresh graduate?
I think the bigger red flag here is OP's lies and omission of relevant details.
Yes OP you should
It sounds like a difficult situation. It is both of their child, and they both wanted to make a unilateral naming decision instead of coming to an agreement. And then she said if he breaks up she will move away while pregnant so he won't be able to share custody. If she was moving purely for family support or a better job opportunity that would be different. But she started a bad game with him and he is continuing it.
Yes, it’s time to ignore him. I don’t mean this to be rude, but he sees you as and is treating you as a back up option. And not even a back up option for a long term partner but just as an occasional one night stand when he’s bored. AND he doesn’t even commit to that much.
I can’t say this last bit for sure, but in my experience when a man is seeing other people, makes plans, then cancels-he’s briefly on the outs with a more significant partner and makes the plans, and then they patch things up and he cancels the plans.
He doesn’t have any serious interest in you. Which is no reflection on you, just to say where he is at.
At the very least you can be sure he’s not interested in anything serious with you. So if nothing else, if you’re looking for a serious relationship you know that isn’t what he wants, so you can cross him off the list.
You are being verbally and mentally abused. This is NOT how someone that loves you behaves towards you. As nude as it may be to be alone for a while, you need to walk away. Then, work on yourself to figure out why you’ve made being treated like this ok. Do NOT be busy with the wrong one when possibly the right one comes along. Best of luck you you.
A lady made a post recently about similar problem, except that she's going to be earning a lot more money than her husband in the job she wad offered. More than half of the comments said that the husband is bad for not wanting to move and the wife should take the offer just for the fact that she would be making more money.
When I red your post, I was wondering what the comments would say especially since your husband is earning more money than you would earn from the job offer. I'm really really suprised to see that the husband is the one who has to move again even while earning more than you would.
Bruh, you did what she told you to do, why are you 100% in the wrong here?
Run away fast. And stay away.
Yeah that makes sense. I do eventually delete numbers of ppl I no longer talk to though, bc I hate accidentally calling ppl I haven’t spoken to in years lol.
It never occurred to you to just not spend time around his family?
Prenups are a good idea but not having lawyers involved for both of you might be an issue.
Hi! He didn’t intentionally try to make me feel bad. I noticed this a long time ago and brought it up to talk to him about it. He was having a very hot time discussing it with me since he knows I’ll feel hurt. I really believe he isn’t even aware that the problem might be with his sensitivity. I will bring this up and talk to him so we can figure it out
OP your being abused. You are in an abusive relationship.
I think it’s time to let him go in his new direction, and you stay the course in yours.
3 weeks is plenty of time to decide. If he really wanted you it wouldn't have taken three weeks to figure out. I think you made the right choice. Plus the whole distance seems like it would have made it tough
You don't trust him in the first place as you read his messages. This whole relationship seems to be fucked up from this little amount of infarmation. Just move on.
Yeah that was my thought but my friends and family were pretty wigged out about it. Our closeness has fluctuated a lot over the years – we were best friends in high school then I moved to the city for college and in my 20s and he was in our hometown. I’d see him when I was home but not like it had been