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Don’t give up the dog. Redditor’s don’t understand emotions. I started a business and got a puppy close together and it was really hot. Both myself and my fiancĂ© got separate counselling and relationship counselling – not because things were awful. But because we knew we weren’t coping and things were only going to get worse if we let issues fester.
So I’d suggest you do that, don’t give up the dog, you’d regret it forever. And don’t give up on your relationship either, obviously you love each other if you’re getting engaged. You just need to work together to solve this issue rather than working against each other. You are a team at the end of the day and maybe your fiancé just needs reminding of that
I do get paid! But that’s been tabled since the move and the pup. I haven’t been able to go to the office.
Purely based on what you have written, I do not feel as though you are abusive. I feel as though she is emotionally abusing you.
Obviously there is a lot of context missing; you have explained your actions and thought processes very well and I have no insight into her view on everything described. However,
I hadn't properly set up her disability software on her university laptop, which she had asked me to do. I realised that I had only set up the software that we had been provided access keys too, but there were other programs that did not require them. She told me that I am unsupportive and that work is always my priority.
Obviously work is a priority, it's a new job, straight out of university, and there's a cost of living crisis which you're clearly both struggling with. But you tried to help her with something, made a mistake, and immediately got told that you weren't trying nude enough to help her (with something she could do herself) and that she wasn't a priority. Unless this is a repeated pattern of weaponised incompetence (which it doesn't sound like), this is a toxic attitude to have towards someone who is trying to help you.
When she woke up she was extremely hurt by my actions. She told me that the way I had prepared the food was stupid, and that nobody places the noodles into the sauce, and that she wouldn't eat it as they would be overcooked. She explained that by doing this I had made it so the food could not be turned into other meals, such as chilli, so I had wasted ingredients on a meal that nobody would want to eat. I offered to cook her a seperate meal, and that I would eat my own spaghetti, or freeze it to have as lunches, however she explained that because of our financial situation we cannot afford to waste ingredients like this and I had caused her a lot of stress.
Same again in this section. She was sleeping, so instead of waking her you tried to help, even going as far as going to the shops to buy ingredients rather than bodging something together. She has again turned this into you being not good enough and messing things up, when you were being proactive.
that I had done this for my own ego and was only upset because I wasn't being praised for making food.
Only you know if this is true, but assuming not, she's again attacking you for trying to do something positive and not doing it perfectly to her standards.
She told me that I was mansplaining her own illnesses to her, and that I'm upset she has the backbone to stand up to my manipulation.
I honestly think it's the other way around, she's the one that's manipulating you.
I have ADHD, and a common experience (generally born out of childhood trauma) is feeling like you're not good enough, being very self-critical, and bending over backwards to try and please people you care about. In this case it feels like you're bent so far backwards your spine is about to snap, and it's still not good enough for her. You're accepting a lot of her criticism because it agrees with your self-criticism, but you don't deserve it.
So to summarise, while your control of spending can be spun as financial abuse, it's clearly born from hardship and not intentional. If you're at fault, it's only because you have set rules rather than agreeing them as a team, although it's hard to say how much of this was set as one sided rules and how much was you just pointing out to her that certain things are unaffordable at the moment. If you want to reconcile, this may be your starting point, sitting down and going over your finances together as a team.
I don't think you should reconcile though, I think you should be looking for an escape route, as I honestly think your partner sounds toxic and abusive based on what's written here.
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If you don’t want to abort don’t do it
Buy a vibrator and a cheese grater and tell him you got hers and his sex toys.
And even if he agrees to a condom he sounds like the type of guy to suggest doggy style then take it off behind your back.
No one can offer advice because everything in your post is speculation based on guesswork about their behaviour. The engagement announcement caption could just as easily have been meant to be a casual but fun way of announcing it. Her acting cold could have been because they had an argument before visiting with you (that could have nothing to do with them getting married). You won’t know any of that because you aren’t one of the parties involved—you’re just making assumptions.
Best advice imo is that if you’re worried, talk to your partner about your concerns and see if he might be willing to have a heart to heart with his brother about it. Even that is a bit of overstepping, but at least it’s a more reasonable form of it.
Ultimately, if they’re jumping into this recklessly, that’s their problem. You pointing it out (even if it were true) is unlikely to do anything other than damage your relationship with them. The best thing you can do is tell them that you support them, that you’re there for them, and then follow through by being there for them if the relationship implodes.
Maybe ask him to read this list and the talk about it? There’s no way he has gotten grad every day before you. Honestly, his “you don’t get it if you don’t ask” and waving his d*ck one now, one later attitude? It’s like he’s 13 and just figured out how he can make himself feel good. He’s a dialing a horn bag teenager. Good luck ??
I bet if you dump your garbage boyfriend your self esteem will improve.
Who gives a shit what ppl say they arent the unhappy party in a relationship here. U have posted about her before, you have stated ur unhappy, u have seen she doesn't give a crap about ur feelings, she lovebombs u when she knows shes wrong so u can get over being mad at her and most of all ur friends tell u they can't recognize u anymore..
Why are u staying with her? Is this really something u WANT to fix? She sounds annoying af and u will keep being in a miserable relationship if u stay with her.
This is ur choice OP. Only u can determine what makes u happy.
You’re being used and need a partner who will give an equal amount. Get out of there!
Yes! I’ve been sick all this week and couldn’t sleep so I binged season 2 plus Night Agent and something else I’m not remembering atm…
Just end the relationship at that point. Generally speaking, relationships don’t survive prolonged separation.
What’s gonna happen if this girl finds out you are/were his FWB? Most likely she’ll want him to cut you off. If you wanted him as a friend, then you shouldn’t have had the benefits. You will always be secondary to the girl he’s dating and what this tells me more is you’re just a placeholder. Yeah you’re friends, but it seems like you were available at the time when he was lonely.
She probably needs to make sure your records are up to date properly. I think you're over thinking a lot of this.
Really think, what are you getting out of this arrangement?
I'm not sure how to read your question.
There's NO QUESTION as to what I'd personally do and what you know you need to do.
Fuck that loser. Kick his idiotic ass to the curb. There's literally nothing redeeming about him. Let him go. Good riddance.
Care for yourself. Make sure you're healing.
I'm so desperately sorry for your loss and the upheaval you're enduring. May the universe grant you some peace and security in the interim.
Sending love, OP.
Lol dude read what you’re writing – you’re off it