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Right! OP’s boyfriend is really dumb.
If he’s decided his friend is not a good person then why is he doing this in the dark. He should just do it publicly, it cuts out the mysterious back and forth and lends credibility
Yeah….it’s not ok.
I'll be honest bro, dating and marriage 50 years ago is wildly different from dating and marriage in this day and age. I understand that you have your age and experience, but these are probably occurring in different circumstances.
And even if your marriage was one of those that did end up working out, the truth is that the vast majority of the timebromantic relationships that are set up like this don't last that long. And more often than not, there's a reason for that.
I don't believe anyone is trying to invalidate your story, people are just simply saying that what happened to you and your relationship is a rarity. Hence why it would be better to proceed with caution, because doing otherwise may cause unwanted issues later on.
Never too early but it can be too late.
It's a good idea to ask about living together soon. I doubt you'd scare him off with the way he is talking. He'd probably be excited.
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It's always at the six month mark that the mask slips. That the honeymoon phase settles, then real life attitudes kick into gear.
She needs to get professional help to stop associating you with her dad. You're both not the same person.
Lies and deception have no place in a relationship. You definitely don't want to be marrying someone (in a few years) who takes pride in spreading lies, either.
Our bodies naturally respond to red flags for the sole purpose of protecting us from entering messy situations. That list you wrote? Keep it handy. Never make excuses for red flags, either.
It's definitely ridiculous for him to have expected it, but I hate how the conversation is always so one sided… “Not a good sign for the relationship”. Orrrr it's a sign of insecurity in him. Maybe from his previous relationships, social pressures, etc.
So it's also something that can be worked on. It's clearly a problem in the relationship, but everyone comes into a relationship with different experiences so it doesn't need to be a bad sign for the relationship. It's something to work on. For everyone.
I'm not saying stick it out forever, but sometimes people just need some support. Maybe he's feeling inadequate because of an abusive relationship? Or some poor relationship with porn? Who knows.
But it always feels like the answer is that it's his fault. If she had an eating disorder or something people would be saying “support her, it's societies fault”, “support her, her shitty relationship with her mom made her this way”, “support her, some other external factor have her a bad relationship with food”
But this guy has some insecurity about his sexuality, or his masculinity, or whatever else and half the comments in here are basically “dump him”. /u/ThrowRA566667 even said “he doesn’t really know why he feels so strongly either”, so try and get to the bottom of it together.
Guys can have mental health issues too. Doesn't mean they're instantly a lost cause. Maybe it isn't something you can fix together, but maybe he'd like to talk to a therapist? Maybe OP could support him and help facilitate that. Work on his issues with him. Or go together. See a couples therapist and talk out the problems.
Or we can all ignore mental health and say “fuck him!” like we do with every other mental health issue in society. Don't consider a therapist! That'd be way too embarrassing…
With 12 dogs he’s just getting started wait till the 25 cats are there!
Ii think you should keep in mind that it’s customary to kiss after the proposal.
20 bucks on it being vaginimus
Hey, Thank you again for the incredible advice. ♥️
You say you want closure —- but this is supposed to be closed already, else you wouldn’t be married, right? You know why he wants to see you. Why explain now when he could have written to you a lot earlier and more easily? If you are curious, then bring your husband. You are stirring up a hornet’s nest here, be very very careful. It is too soon to pry that door open.
I'd honestly end it. He'll probably just get better at hiding his tracks.
I think this relationship is toast man. Whatever hope there is, you’re better off breaking it off, getting a job, cleaning yourself up, and giving it another try once you have your shit together.
Everything you did spoke to much deeper problems you gotta address. The lying. The stress. The unemployment for an entire year. That’s some therapy stuff you should work on.
Please leave her..you don’t have to put up with this shit. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER
No I admit I don’t like rejection as it is all I have ever known and I don’t know why
Thanks, this is helpful ?
Thank you thank you. I so needed to hear that.
It has been7 years. This is who he is.
Get into therapy. What he does has nothing to do with you.
I have the feeling you've done nothing wrong at all, and it has to do with the weird guy.
You should initiate plans with the group. If you try that a couple times and it doesn't work out, initiate something with just the (girl) friend.
I want to thank you for taking time to seriously reply. The hardest part is that we’ve spent so much time together that she’s become one of my best friends. I’m 21 and she just turned 19 so we can’t go to the bars together. I hate to sound like a sleeze, but I do want to sleep around. I’ve had opportunities but I’m not a cheater. Thanks again for your time. It helps to hear other perspectives!
Yeah I’d withdraw and see if she actually cares, this isn’t a good place to be
Consider the ol’ “you tell them or I will” to your sister re: you covering her rent.
It’s great that you’re concerned about her relationship with your parents but you seem at your limit for how much more responsibility for her affairs you can take.
In my opinion, this is the right attitude and incredibly healthy. I think everyone should decide what they want a potential end of their relationship to look like when they still care and want to be fair and loving. I think you very very smart person.
Yeah, I have never seen friends spontaneously sing “Accidentally in Love” as a duet, much less multiple times. I'm not in a hurry to lay the blame on anyone but him, but this “friend” sure isn't perceiving the problem and shutting it down in any way.
Don't happen to on-line in MO do you?
Obviously you should have moved on after month 1.
Break up over text, that way you have it in writing in case she accuses you of rape again.
And always meet in public!
Also, if you do the opposite of what everyone is saying, at least please don’t get her pregnant
I've been planning to leave around October when I graduate but even then I convinced myself I was overreacting in a big way.
That's the trap, right? You, quite understandably, think, “hey, I could just move in with this person who I like so much.” The problem is that you're still working as an idealized version of each other.