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but i also don’t want to give up on our relationship or my dream
You can't have both. You and him do not have the same future goals, you're not compatible, this isn't going to work out long term, etc.
You are not wrong. He is not wrong. Your future is not together. Decide how long you want to drag this on for.
Now. You can start now. If your ex is going to be weird and pissy it will happen regardless of whether you wait another week, month, or 6. If he’s going to be mature about it, he will handle whatever emotions come up without making it your problem
I was literally going to say this. The power tactic is so important. My brothers have tried similar power moves on all of my partners and only one of them has ever showed me, by not backing down, that my brothers were totally absolutely in the wrong. This is a man v man power move if I've ever heard one.
that's ambivalent attachment for ya. read levine & heller' “attached”.
i't the whole i want you here so i can feel safe but also i'm holding on to unresolved resentment.
This happened in the sex and the city movie iirc
Yeah you're dumb for it. She's dumb too. Not the dumbest thing ever though. Lots of hurdles to cover. Plus the fact her brain isn't even fully developed.
That's pretty common. Try to find opportunities for tender words. It will be better for both of you if you can.
Before you have a conversation with him I suggest do some digging to see if he’s already cheating or has someone lined up. If he has collect all the evidence to divorce him, if not maybe counselling but I think I would be leaving for the sake of he kids, you don’t want your kids living and thinking marriage looks like that plus they need their mom to be happy and healthy mentally! You deserve better.
This.
The “let's exercise together” speech absolutely depends on the person intuiting that it really means “you're overweight; lose some.”
Otherwise you're just going to go exercise together and it's not going to shift much weight (because exercise doesn't, short of extreme amounts) and the suggesting partner is still going to be frustrated. For it to work as intended, the suggest-ee has to realize it's a veiled message and do the hot lonely work of dieting.
I guess if someone just likes to hear stuff indirectly even when they know what it means, it might work?
That they think this drunk behavior is normal or okay? Can’t be older than maybe junior high.
Tell him or he will eventually find out and then do the right thing
Yea she will do nice things for holidays or my birthday which is nice but that’s it
He eventually did tell her but initially he refused, I told him that as much as I'd hurt him it was between us and that he should tell her she was wrong for messaging me, he laughed about it to me and that he can't control what his mum does, but I got upset and said I can't believe it, and that I don't think I can continue seeing him or being friends if he is thinks what she did is acceptable. As soon as I mentioned giving up on us he changed and went and told her she had caused more problems. In hindsight I now see he only acted because it was going to affect him.
There's no high ground here. His behavior towards you was inappropriate. However, you staying 3 hours was a little too long.
You both look lack empathy for the other.
I suggest you find a more compatible partner and read some self help books on empathy (and low self esteem for tolerating his BS).
I appreciate the advice. I have been known to come off as an asshole, but that is something I’ve been actively working on and I believe I have gotten better at it. Thank you
And just like the river, ts so big you can see it from orbit.
I see you replying a lot about the rest of the relationship being “good”/“perfect” but your post also mentioned that he is naked work. So even when he isn’t treating you badly, it seems that you are likely putting way more effort into the relationship than he is. This is not healthy.
He is breaking you down so you can’t leave. He is causing you to make yourself smaller so he has less to be angry about. He doesn’t want you to succeed. He doesn’t want you to have friends. He wants you isolated. In those in between times.
So even when he isn’t yelling, he is still abusing you. You need to leave. Someone posted some UK resources for people who need help leaving an abusive situation. Please access those and start to build a healthy life for yourself. Get therapy. Find friends. Get in touch with healthy family members you miss. Build a support network and build a life. Then when you are in a good, healthy, strong place, then you you can think about how to find a healthy partner to do life with.
Please heal yourself first.