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2Freaks, 20 y.o.
Location: Missouri, United States
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I specifically said they weren’t there.
You don't owe this dude anything.
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So you have a lazy boyfriend with insecurity issues that can’t manage his money that lashes out, disregards your feelings, and can’t clean himself.
These are not normal issues and you can’t simply fix them.
You can choose to continue being miserable but justifying it saying you love him or you can leave and be happy if you raise your expectations on future people and learn something from this experience. It’s up to you.
You showed backbone and self-respect, nothing to be ashamed of! Now file this girl as a barely noteworthy side note in your history and go out and date people who show you the respect you show yourself. You got this!
Sunk cost fallacy. You don't want to lose what you invested but it's turned out you're not getting the return you expected. Your emotionally tied to this situation but you may be able to find someone who will marry you. You won't know until you leave this guy and see what's out there.
He's ignored you for years. I'd pull out the paperwork on the house and figure out what are the consequences if you break up. You buy him out? He buys you out? How much do you make if you sell the house and split the money? I would start with that move and see what happens.
No talking will work unless you have and or else. In this case, you need to be firm that the relationship will end.