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So simple yet so clean and eloquently stated.
Awesome, thanks!
As long as you sit down and shut up you get along great? Ever read “Handmaid's Tale”? Lol. What a mess.
Don't worry about respecting him, or him respecting you- just respect yourself. No human deserves to be told that they are innately “lesser than”. Never ever.
If being in this relationship is slowly turning you into a worse person and making you feel worse about yourself, it is not a relationship you should want to continue.
Does it even really matter at this point if the problems in your relationship are caused by your girlfriend not finding you attractive or by some other issue she has?
There is no way to do this if he is against it.
This is not about insecurities, this is about selfishness. Your selfishness to be precise.
You broke every rule when it comes to be poly and I hope your partner comes to his senses, breaks up with you and goes on to find someone wjho won't be as selfish as you are.
this made me laugh stranger, take my up vote
Paying rent towards the mortgage payments isn't contributing half the deposit needed for a house. You can't get a house with just a mortgage and no deposit. She's not paying half of that she's contributing half the monthly payments. Which is what rent is
Yeah, best case scenario he changed & all good.
Everything else is some variation of his problems resurfacing down the line, with you potentially sharing a mortgage, or some other high level responsibility.
Like if you do want to confront your partner, make sure to look for confirmation that they took therapy for this (and even better if they are still attending). That action shows not just a willingness to change, but the fact that there’s actually some kind of professional system in place to help really facilitate change.
But honestly, a year is not all that much – especially when compared to a whole lifetime with someone. If you do choose to stay & try to sort this out just hold onto that thought, and if a few months from now it starts to look like figuring it all out just isn’t worth the effort then it probably really isn’t.
Imagine being a whole 29 year old man and punching holes into your own house, based on a 20 year old woman pissing you off. What a fuckin clown this guy is.
She continued to date around until she decided the OP was the one. Why is that cheating?
I have CPTSD from childhood trauma and have a complicated relationship with my siblings and mom. My father is passed.
I haven't cut any of them from my life completely, but I often avoid interaction and moved across the country at 19.
Anyway, I was on the fence about the whole forgiveness thing at first – your brother was a child himself through much of the time while he terrorized you, and likely suffered due to your mom as well, just in a different way. So I had some sympathy for his position.
I think these are things to take into consideration, but I also think that if you aren't ready to forgive the way he treated you, that's okay. It's also okay to forgive someone but not include them in your life, or include someone in your life while not forgiving them.
I haven't forgiven my mother, but I also haven't completely removed her from my life. She's in her late 70s and I can empathize with the stress she was under during my childhood, and even perhaps some undiagnosed mental illness. But that doesn't mean I forgive her for the harm she caused me. I also go years without seeing her, months without talking to her, share very few personal details with her, and expect very little from her. I include her in my life as far as I do as a kindness to another human, and even that small amount can be difficult for me.
Anyway, all that to say that I was on the fence until I read this
He did also say that the first time I walked away from George at the wake that George got annoyed and told Mike that I was ‘still acting like the little bitch I always was’.
If this is how he talks about you for avoiding him after everything, I don't think he's grown enough to consider how his actions and your shared childhood have impacted you. A lot of people don't get there. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence and often painful introspection. It may have just been some insecurity lashing out, but that's insecurity he has no business directing at you. Prioritize your safety here – physical, mental, and emotional. You don't owe him forgiveness or inclusion in your life. Both things are yours to grant.
I don't think my mom will ever get to that place of growth/introspection/emotional intelligence either, but I no longer expect it from her. I don't forgive her, but I have also accepted that the situation has changed, she can no longer hurt me the way she did, and she is an old woman who had a difficult life. Sometimes I can even have fun with her or have interesting conversations. But if I feel unable to unwilling to give her space in my life at any time, I don't (or at least try not to).
tl;dr: He seems like he still has some growth to do and you don't owe him forgiveness. But that's not your only option. You can also forgive but not include him in your life, or include him in your life (to any degree you want) but not forgive him. Do what you need to do in order to feel safe.
No, there isn’t. You can’t prove a negative. He has to make the choice to trust you himself.
I have been there. It’s exhausting & caused the end of our relationship. I couldn’t live my whole life constantly arguing and defending myself just because he came into the relationship with trust issues.
Honestly I did not feel this merits a legit response. First of all, both OP and her partner are in the wrong…OP when the partner clearly expressed his dissatisfaction with how she treated his ketchup, should have just gotten her own ketchup instead of minimizing it, secondly indeed, scolding someone for ketchup is too much regardless of the conditions of your upbringing.
I grew up poor, a lot of people did, not many overreact from ketchup…
Also, the whole post is too much, you don’t like that he doesn’t want to share his ketchup how you want it, you get your own, use your own plate and you do the fuck you want.
I sometimes don’t like what my wife makes as food, different tastes and different expectations of food, i don’t start a fight, I cook something else and ask her if she wants some…life is way more complicated than ketchup
That's not the point of the post and is not related. We don't know the situation between these two. When the roles would be switched your comment would be called “victim blaming”.