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i really didn’t want to bring this into this conversation but as a victim of SA myself by a previous partner that kind of thinking can be really unsafe. I didn’t physically say no or stop him in that situation bc i was paralyzed with fear. But did i want it? Hell no! I don’t think I could on-line with myself if i mirrored that behavior onto my current boyfriend
I agree with this. She shouldn’t have to prove herself to anyone and her husband is an AH to even put her in this position
That’s all really beautiful and wonderful.
But he shouldn’t have lied.
Mama will be making comments ( in Spanish) about the puta he’s running around with.
Source: one of my girl friends married a Mexican guy. They lived together first, and when he told his mom that they were getting married she said, “Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?”
I’m really worried about how divorce affects kids. But you’re putting things into perspective, it’s a lose lose situation with the kids seeing parents unhappy. Our relationship has strengthened with my illness so it’s hot cuz deep down I still have love for him as much as I despise him right now.. I mean I just found out and trying to process
Poly relationships need trust to work. It is possible to cheat in poly and open relationships. That’s what she has done. You had discussed boundaries as well as how to approach adding someone else. She failed complying to the agreed upon rules, that she herself suggested, and now expects you to be fine with her spending time with the person she broke all the rules with. She says she needs time to prove herself but starts that time off by continuing to hurt you. So she’s broken your trust/cheated on you the first chance she got and isn’t repairing anything. Doesn’t seem remorseful to me.
I don’t see this working out very well, since you don’t seem to actually be poly yourself. So you weren’t exactly comfortable going into this and now this has happened. Is this the kind of relationship you see yourself being happy in? Do you want multiple romantic partners for yourself as well?
Maybe check out the sub r/polyamory. Talk to people there and how they have handled breaches of trust. Hopefully their experience will help you to decide how you want to proceed.
May I ask what country you are in?
Say what you have to say, see how he reacts. If you are really ok with him not saying it back. Sometimes it takes one person in a relationship who is willing to cross the threshold and then it becomes easier for the partner. Or maybe when you say it you will see his reaction and that will help you evaluate if he is even close to where you are in the relationship. Sometimes you just have to say what you feel and hope, doesn't guarantee a good outcome, but it helps you to make a decision.
You tell him all you can offer him at this time is your friendship. That he needs to take this time to heal and dragging you into this drama isn't fair.
Who knows what will happen down the line? I personly don't keep cheaters for friends and will throw my support behind the cheatee. But getting romantically involved at this point? Even if I like the guy I'm gonna be smart about the whole thing because the last thing I'd want is to be used to piss off my friend or just be an emotional fuck toy rebound for the guy.
Your wife set the rules and you agreed. If you don't feel right obeying the rules with your current target then just find another partner.
But don't break the rules your wife set. Telling her you're thinking of having sex with an old family friends could really mess your wife up and ruin that relationship.
I see a lot of red flags, and if someone had said these things to me after dating me for 2 months I would run! I also wouldn't want to have s*x with them after. Also telling someone they love them after only two months is a major red flag, though I have done this, and had it done to me as well. You are moving at a normal speed and she is a moving at a fast speed. This is incompatible. Also you need to wait at least 6 months before you will know if she's right for you, or is love bombing you. By then she will likely be pregnant.
Trying to explain that you grew up with racists but aren't personally like that isn't exactly easy. It may sound like an excuse, garnering responses like,”I'm sure they arent that bad, they raised you.” And “you love me I love you and they love you so surely they will accept and love me.”
So then he would need to prove just how racist his parents are and cite examples that are probably still emotional scars.
Add to the most recent list the one who hooked up with his “straight” roommate. Yet he posted it on 15 different threads and made 4 updates.
Thank you for your feedback. I try to work on my self esteem but this situation feels like a burden
Sounds like she's the pedophile. I'd seriously reconsider your relationship for a whole bunch of reasons.
Not really, lots of others have demanding careers. It is a case of understanding the limitations and being flexible. The guy works from home. He could take an hour off and make up his time. He just doesn’t want to. Same with person being late. Living in a city makes all sorts of late hitches possible. If you like the person enough, you just overlook it. BF was setting his boundaries and it is time he moved on. He is not cut out for the long haul in this relationship.
Yes I agree! Now he has all the time he needs to work on his “depression” lol
Like for example 2 nights ago or perhaps 3. Who knows at this point. I said “you’re on my last nerve dude” to my kid and he started yelling at me not to talk to him that way etc. saying I was out of line. Still wouldn’t get out of bed to help. So yes. I understand getting frustrated. I don’t understand using that as an excuse to refuse to participate.
Have to agree. Feels like an over the top reaction. She's valid to maybe feel a bit icked out, but continous silent treatment and anger at him feels like she's shaming him for… what, doing a normal thing almost everyone does?
I think the difference between our opinions is just a different reading on the situation tbh. Don’t get me wrong, I would be bothered as well because I’ve been in a similar situation but I was able to communicate it. Also left the relationship later and that’s beside the point.
But I’ve also been on the receiving end of a TON of stonewalling/ cold shouldering in my life and idk it just kind of seems like that’s what she’s doing. I know she’s told him she’s shocked/ bothered and needs time. But if there’s a deeper issue, she’s taking a lot of time to come around to that point and I’ve been in OPs shoes where I hate things not being in accord so bad that I get worried and emotional. So again I think it’s just different reads on it due to personal experience.
I agree that he needs to be willing to compromise and change some things as obviously this was a major turning point for the worse in their relationship so if he wants to work it out with her if she finally opens up, he has to do something about that. Also agree with another reply to my comment that yeah he definitely should have locked a door…
I can see both sides in a large way but I also don’t think he’s being manipulative.
Exactly and just because “she told me” doesn't mean boundaries are not being crossed. Some cheaters do tell their significant others about what's happening in their lives so you don't get suspicious
Take it from me, I’m old, it absolutely sucks having a partner who resents spending time with your family. My ex did. It was always a battle, always frustrating and always sad. I wasted 20 years being stuck in the middle. I finally left him and my mum died the following year. I missed so much with her cos that arse couldn’t pull his head out and spend time with people, he just wanted to be on his phone all the time. Ironically my now SO is amazing at family time and would have adored my mum.