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No lol
That doesn’t sound right….
Looking at it that way shifts the blame away from your father and onto your wife. Your wife didn't abuse you. Your father did. Your wife isn't enabling an abuser, your other family members are. The people taking things from you in this situation isn't actually your wife.
I don't say these things to dismiss your feelings. It absolutely SUCKS not having a ton of family on the holidays. I don't have any contact with my biological family for similar reasons. But right now, you have a safe person in your life. You do have family. Your wife. Your kids.
Do you know that children who have been abused are more likely to lash out at the parent who tries to protect and shelter them? The reason being, is because they feel safe to show their ugly feelings to the person who is kind to them. Unfortunately, it usually results in poor treatment of the parent just trying to do their best. You're verging on recreating this kind of situation with your wife.
Your father did something heinous. Instead of being angry at him and your extended family, you're choosing to be upset that your wife has people who love her and didn't harm her the way you were harmed. Wouldn't a loving family member be rejoicing that your wife and chidlren have people who love and care about them enough to protect them?
You're absolutely allowed to see your father in the grand scheme of things. But that comes at the cost of your wife's trust and respect. Potentially even your relationship in the future. But that would not be your wife's fault. She is not the one who harmed you and permanently broke the trust to be had.
Your father stole something precious from you. He is the one who stole your chance to have a genuinely good father who would never hurt you. You have to come to terms with the fact that HE is the one responsible for putting you in this position. Don't let him steal the family that truly cherishes you in the way he didn't. He's taken enough.
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Yeah. There's a lot of comments here like “tell her she's so nude!” but as a women who's always struggled with body image, that does nothing. Of course, don't tell her she's ugly, but no amount of “I love your body” from my boyfriend helps.
Small dick energy
Deal with this with humor. When he says, “Not fair – must be nice,” respond with “Aw hon, I'm sorry you're not pretty enough to score any free drinks.”
We both still care about each other, I just thought this revelation might help validate her. But if you think it would be harmful, then I won’t say anything.
Also people like this feed off reactions to their abuse, she’s sowing because she knows she’ll get a reaction and has “control” over you. I’d say it’s best to not respond unless absolutely necessary, have a 3rd party present whenever you’re together if possible and get all the court stuff figured out.
Guys will go on dating apps and go out of town to online a fantasy second life. They will make a fake profile and lie about their name, profession, and state / country they reside in. You need to see his actual driver’s license.