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I really want to go! All of our friends will be there, and it's only two people who like to take things further than everyone else does. I'm not feeling 100% but I'm feeling like 85%, which I don't think is a reason for me to stay home when I want to go out. I also really don't think it's necessary to drink in a social setting if you can't or don't want to… obviously, it's different but people just have to deal with this for different reasons at different times… and that's just the case for me right now.
TBH, this party is starting early and there were never any plans to go out to a club after. By midnight, we'll already be 5 hours deep into the party and the most that people will stay is 1 or 2 hours longer. I might last that long, who knows! I just wanted to know if he'd be okay with the possibility of leaving early, together, because he made it clear that cab fare was a concern for him.
I also don't think that it's unfair of me to ask him to maybe not indulge to such a degree that he's the most messed up person at the party, as he has been the last few times, especially when the majority of the people there won't be doing it and tend to feel uncomfortable when it becomes obvious that these two people are.
But something in this entire relationship doesn't seem right like, she acts the same way as we were just ordinary friends
Isn't that what FWB means? Are you wanting more than that?
Yup drop em. No empathy or priority for you. Bye bud.
My main concern is that even though we have the option to use a condom right now, I’m just too anxious to go all the way even with that option in mind.
am i a terrible person for trying to pry him out of another woman’s hands? i feel just awful and i feel like i confused him by trying to “convince” him.
Yes, you are. “No” means no.
should i really want to be with someone that has to think about if he wants me or not? shouldn’t i be with someone that knows immediately or is that just a juvenile way of thinking?
That is actually the question you should be asking yourself, this is good reasoning. He doesn't want you, so please, leave him be. Plus he cheated on you, have some self-esteem and work on your self-confidence.
should i continue to pursue this or should i just give up? (taking into account the situation and also the long distance, a well as the fact that we would have to work through this whole thing and i’m not sure if i would get over it)
You should 100% give up.
we considered taking time to see other people and then maybe trying again another time. is that a good idea? i’ve never dated anyone else because i always just wanted to be with him.
No it's not a good idea. You'll see, once you start thinking of something else, meeting new people, starting other relationships, at first you'll still think about him but then slowly the feelings will fade away. One day, before going to sleep, you'll think “wow. I didn't think of him all day” and you'll be impressed with yourself. That might take time, but trust me, it's worth it!
Staying in that relationship/with this goal (being with him) in mind will just make you suffer more, and more. I can assure you this will never end. The sooner you get out of this, the sooner you'll get better. Good luck, we're rooting for you 🙂
I thought we were meant for each other and would be together forever. She said she would be equitable but cheated me out of most of the assets. People may be reasonable–until they see the dollar signs. Marriage is so biased against men that you need to protect yourself any way you can. Trust but verify.
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So you have been caught in this cycle so long, I feel like my first piece of advice is- this isn't normal.
I have a host of friends and family with varying relationships, none of them fight this much. My relationships, including my current one- we do not/never fought this much. Not even close. I would say my partner and I “bicker” about once a month- someone cancels plans and the other is having a bad day, we annoy each other, etc- and have a real argument where there is a pit in the stomach/actual anger maybe twice a year at the very most. My other friends and family may have more disagreements/small fights, but twice a week is so beyond normal.
You get to decide when you are ready to commit, and the person you are with at this moment is not someone you want to commit to. There is no right/wrong amount of time to decide, and if the other person is ready and you aren't, then the next step is to have an honest conversation about timeline and what you need to get there, out of respect for the other person being ready. In this case, she isn't willing to do anything to help you feel ready to commit, and she if fully, wholly responsible for your issues.
You cannot fix her, and she isn't willing to fix herself. If you continue to be with this person, this is your life. You will either stop going out with any friends and ensure that all your plans involve her, and that you have very limited time with your family or alone, or you will continue to have fights like this EVERY time you step away from her. What if your job asks you to travel? What if a friend asks you to go to a bachelor party? You need to be honest with yourself that you cannot be truly happy with this woman, because SHE isn't happy with herself. Stay broken up, and trust me, every week you go without contacting her you will move on a little, and 6 months from now you will be SO happy that you are out from this toxic relationship.
Jesus Christ dude. Your wife had major surgery. Look after her instead of thinking about fucking another girl. It's only a few months. I can't imagine recovering from surgery and have my husband worry the most about this instead.
you didn’t build a relationship? this is just a dude that you were a convenience for?
please be aware of yourself and then move on to the next one, and sure rejection sucks no matter what but keep holding onto your lens of reality. i think there might be something deeper than this dude that is making it hurt so badly.
You will always come second. He already told you that. I’d walk before I got too deep into a relationship with him. I’m not coming in second period.
I think you 100% did the right thing.
I also don’t think that’s cheating, but do think that’s unacceptable behavior.
You can desire whoever you want, it’s crazy to think as long as we live you are going to find no one else attractive at some point.
It’s shitty to act in ways that make that a possibility while you are with someone else (your ex here). Doing that leads to acting on it which is cheating.
I might not consider it cheating, but I would be foolish to forgive that behavior or trust someone I see do or say that not to take it a step further and follow through given the opportunity.
“well she's part of the family now, that's just something you need to accept”
NO. She is not part of YOUR family. What the actual heck is wrong with them!?
Your kids are part of your family. Your ex husband and his wife are NOT part of your family. You don't have to accept anything! They're out here pretending they have some blood relation to those two! So coldhearted and inconsiderate!
I swear these people have no sense of empathy. What the actual cuss words
Oh man!!! I FEEL you!!!
As much as I hate to sound cliché- you gotta trust him.
You have to trust that he cares about you and values the relationship so much that he wouldn’t do anything to ruin it.
Like I said before, I completely understand your feelings and hesitations.
From my own experience, a situation like that would have thinking the worst things and preparing for bad news. I’d literally stay up panicking and just imaging it all.
This is something that has helped me chill out – think about if it was you.
You are going away with a male friend that you view like a brother and someone else. Would you cheat? Or would you hang out and make memories with your friends (all while most definitely missing your partner ?) ?
I never said i tagged her multiple times
Don’t do it.
Then I don't think it's fair for your wife to expect you to cut her off. She made a mistake, she's not some monster.
Op didn't set up a meeting behind his back or anything.
Yesterday I had finally had enough and told him he disgusts me, I would never forgive him for the things he said, and that he is emotionally abusive.
If all of this is true, then a divorce is necessary. I'm not sure what sort of alimony is attached to a 3-year marriage in your jurisdiction and how much of his assets would be in play, but it's time to lawyer up.
None of us can tell you what changed in his mind. And, given what you say has transpired, it does not sound like it matters right now. you have to take care of yourself and make certain you can establish a safe place for your child to be raised when you have custodial overnights (majority or otherwise).
Don’t stay in a loveless marriage “for your kids”
Changing my job, giving up my dreams, friends, social life (he doesnt want me to go out much and i have a curfew with him, because what kind of decent woman goes out after 9 pm), giving up my pets, adjusting to his time and his wants, and even putting up with his attitude even if he was doing below the bare minimum
Girl.. Google codependency
and BLOCK him
The only reason he wants a photo is because he doesn’t trust you.
Facts.
Trust me.
On this subreddit, age gaps seem to be such a big deal. But in the real world, no so much. Look around, there are countless age gap relationships between people you probably know and with well-known couples (celebrities, etc).
The problem is not an age difference, but a power difference. The problem is when one person is trying to manipulate, coerce, or control the other person. Or, of course, groom a child in order to abuse them.
What you describe is an adult, consensual relationship. There is literally nothing wrong with your age difference. Don't apologize to people who have a problem with it. You do not have to explain yourself or your relationship to anyone else. As long as the two of you both want to be in this relationship, then keep doing your thing.
Such a big red flag, I hope you see this: If you have a kid, then you’re a dead beat dad right? I mean, you haven’t been paying child support, haven’t spent an ounce of time with them, and she’s never met them – so why oh why would she agree to marry such a POS??? Doesn’t that make you feel icky? Like what is it that she actually wants you for? Your other qualities somehow override you being a POS? I mean, maybe she’s just more into the idea of marriage – do you ever think about that?