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you've got some internalized misogyny going on there
And while I understand needing that comfort, the way not to go about it is push on his boundaries. Maybe being on call when he sleeps makes him uncomfortable. He might just say it's fine not to cause waves. We don't know, and maybe you don't know either.
I have anxiety too, and I'm bipolar. But when my husband and I argue and he says stop, or we need to cool off, I respect that. It's extremely important to respect boundaries, and you might feel like it's detrimental to your emotional needs, but ignoring his no? That will hurt your relationship. Like… 100%
While I sympathize with your situation, nightmares suck! Anxiety super sucks! Acting and pushing like this will do nothing but harm your relationship and his view of you.
You’re not wrong in any way. He’s gaslighting you. The moment you showed appropriate discomfort, he goes on the defensive. HUGE red flag, and the age difference tells me he knows he’s a shit, and a woman his own age wont put with anything close to this level of disrespect and BS. Please do yourself the biggest favor of your life and get the hell out NOW! You have the best years of your life ahead of you, he has the worst. Move on!