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I agree that she should have shown some empathy and tried to comfort you but in all honesty some people just do not know what to do in certain situations, she's very young still and she still has a lot to learn, she may be avoiding the issue because she doesn't know what to say to you or how to act about it..Give it some time and if this sort of thing happens again and again then maybe take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship with her but don't EVER hold in your emotions because that is the most unhealthy thing to do to yourself.
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pattern from someone of the opposite sex
So were he a female, what would change for you?
I would caution care and mindfulness as you navigate the relationship between your partner and his roommate. It’s clear that your partner has a great degree of trust and confidence in this individual, and clearly values the friendship. I don’t know, your partner needs to be bit more assertive here.