OP's so called friend wants to have his cake and eat it too
And that's what a lot of this comes down to for people with these beliefs. They want to be seen as good, they want to be seen as loving, they don't want to be seen or labeled an ignorant bigot, but they aren't unwilling to undo their ignorant and bigoted beliefs. You can't do that, but they'll twist themselves into a pretzel to be viewed as a good person. I grew up Christian, I've had some shitty beliefs implanted into my head, but I did the work (and am still doing the work) to undo that because it wasn't my fault and I didn't ask for it, but I'm responsible for undoing it.
I drew a line in the sand with my family. If they didn't show up to my wedding, then I was done with them in my life. I don't need people who think they love me to not support me in that way. Things still aren't perfect and I'm still unpacking a lot of trauma and other stuff with my family and upbringing in therapy currently. People need to understand how these kinds of beliefs and this kind of rejection truly impacts people to their core. I'm nearing 40, I can take a lot of it. I can let a lot of the hateful rhetoric from strangers and media roll off my back for the most part, but when this kind of shit comes from people who are supposed to love you it cuts incredibly deep. I gave my family a pass once they came to the wedding and had the perception of let the past be the past, but I'm learning it's not quite that easy to do.
People can believe in God even though I don't. People can go to church even though I don't. I don't honestly care about people religious beliefs as long as they don't subject other people to hate and as long as they are capable of treating all people as human beings who deserve equal treatment under the law and respect.
Why? It's a perfectly reasonable thing to say to someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to put themselves in your shoes without you helping them to do so.
The second you say “what if I did [thing you're doing], would you like it?” they have to actually stop and think about a completely separate scenario which involves their significant other doing something they don't like. Then they can conclude that what they are doing isn't great.
OP's so called friend wants to have his cake and eat it too
And that's what a lot of this comes down to for people with these beliefs. They want to be seen as good, they want to be seen as loving, they don't want to be seen or labeled an ignorant bigot, but they aren't unwilling to undo their ignorant and bigoted beliefs. You can't do that, but they'll twist themselves into a pretzel to be viewed as a good person. I grew up Christian, I've had some shitty beliefs implanted into my head, but I did the work (and am still doing the work) to undo that because it wasn't my fault and I didn't ask for it, but I'm responsible for undoing it.
I drew a line in the sand with my family. If they didn't show up to my wedding, then I was done with them in my life. I don't need people who think they love me to not support me in that way. Things still aren't perfect and I'm still unpacking a lot of trauma and other stuff with my family and upbringing in therapy currently. People need to understand how these kinds of beliefs and this kind of rejection truly impacts people to their core. I'm nearing 40, I can take a lot of it. I can let a lot of the hateful rhetoric from strangers and media roll off my back for the most part, but when this kind of shit comes from people who are supposed to love you it cuts incredibly deep. I gave my family a pass once they came to the wedding and had the perception of let the past be the past, but I'm learning it's not quite that easy to do.
People can believe in God even though I don't. People can go to church even though I don't. I don't honestly care about people religious beliefs as long as they don't subject other people to hate and as long as they are capable of treating all people as human beings who deserve equal treatment under the law and respect.
Why? It's a perfectly reasonable thing to say to someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to put themselves in your shoes without you helping them to do so.
The second you say “what if I did [thing you're doing], would you like it?” they have to actually stop and think about a completely separate scenario which involves their significant other doing something they don't like. Then they can conclude that what they are doing isn't great.
How does that change anything?
Good point. My bf doesn’t treat him like that so that’s why it’s confusing to me. If it were reciprocal I wouldn’t care
You are young and as of yet not heavily invested. Please do yourself a favour and listen to him.
An alcohol addiction will not only ruin his life but yours as well.
You say no. He does it anyways. That is rape.
You don't have the ability to say yes or no (sleeping). He does it anyways. That is rape.
This man is not a good person at all. In fact, this man is barely a person at all. He's a fucking monster.
This story seems fishy. The English is pretty good for someone who is just learning.