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You did NOT make a mistake by announcing your pregnancy. The mistakes here have been his. Please move in to your parents house and make sure they have appropriate security. If his family is not toxic, they could also be involved in your daughters life, but please keep EVERY text from him where he talks about not wanting to be a dad, infidelity, all of that. Keep everything because you need to file for full custody as soon as the baby is born. You should be able to get it. Please create a life WITHOUT him in it. He's not a safe person.
For me, it really depends on how she behaved afterward.
There's essentially two options.
She either completely lost herself in the moment and her excitement just made her carry herself away. Completely dropping you like that is at least rude, likely disrespectful. Hopefully she apologized and introduced you as her boyfriend and the night continued with you and him being seen as somewhat equals in her eyes.
Or, she dropped you because she wanted to make absolutely sure that he knew where her priorities are. Jumping onto a person at a party is a huge social event. If she yelled and made all the attention on to her, its likely the only thing people will remember about that night in 3 years. If she made it a spectacle then seemed extremely off to you while around him, that's a red flag.
Also, this type of behavior would really only be completely acceptable if the guy was coming back from war or had saved her life or something. Maybe if it was a surprise and she hadn't seen him in a few years….
More likely than not, huge red flag. There's downsides to either scenario.
So, OP received an overwhelming amount of advice that this relationship is not healthy, and he then ignores it to continue in a relationship that he has admitted to being “torture.”
Save your comments as he doesn't get it yet.
He's well on his way to being an abusive prick.
He wants to know how far he can push you into hurting yourself emotionally to stay with him.
Leave this useless, emotionally tone-deaf fuck. Let him enjoy the ringing silence of his own ultimatum.
If he tries to backtrack out of it, or tries to say “well you never really loved me then…” understand that it is a manipulation technique meant to put you on the defensive. Where you feel obligated to “prove” your love by enduring more abuse. More outlandish asks.
I will also make one more observation, in case you are oblivious to it. Him contacting you to give you the ultimatum while you are at work is another manipulation tactic. You're going to be stressed because you are at work, and have to keep it together to not negatively impact your job performance. This hinders your ability to respond in the way you otherwise normally would while in private. And this is calculated. He knows what he's doing.
Do you always want to please people? Do you have difficulty putting your needs first, ahead of others? Do you categorize yourself as highly empathetic? Is it nude to disappoint someone, even if what they're asking for is harmful, stressful or negativity impacting you in some way? Do you feel like you are abandoning someone by setting a clear boundary, repelling anyone that wants to push your limits?
You don't need too answer me at all. Just know that if you do say yes to a lot of those questions, you're very attractive to exactly the manipulative abusive people that are the least deserving of your efforts. The ones that will not reciprocate your caring. Who will drain the life from your heart.
Focus on bettering your relationship with yourself, so you can see these red flags on your own, rather than worry that you're not bending over backwards nude enough to please someone else.
A caring partner will not ask you to get rid of a cherished pet on a whim. “Wooo I don't like that you have a dog too, uwu.” In fact, knowing exactly how much you consider his emotional well-being, could you imagine a situation where you would instead ask him what he is asking of you? What does this say about how much he cares for and considers your own mental and emotional health? How little would you have to care about him to ask him to do this exact same thing. Don't try to justify his actions. The mental gymnastics are Olympic-level.
Hand him his walking papers, and block him. Keep your pup. Keep your therapist.
PS, if you on-line together and you do not acquiesce and get rid of your dog, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DOG ALONE WITH HIM. If he's what I suspect him to be, he will harm or disappear your dog for you. When you're not able to stop him.
Imagine your wife having sex with someone who is not you, then coming home and lying in bed beside you.
Imagine smelling that other man’s body spray on your wife’s skin. Imagine seeing her happier and knowing that she’s having sex with other people.
Tell us what you would feel in that moment, and you will likely have the answer to your question.
There are literally laws that make those sorts of relationships acceptable- Romeo & Juliet laws protect minors who pass the age of majority during their relationships while the other partner is still under the age of 18. As long as no pics/video involving the younger partner were exchanged, there is literally nothing morally wrong with this, OR legally.