This guy claims he is playing mind games with the ex. Why is he even bothering with her if she is the ex? If he focused half the time he spent with her, your relationship would prosper tremendously. That is, of course, if you believe what he is saying and I think neither of us do believe him.
He is getting the best of both worlds. He is having sex with both of you while trying to convince both that “you are the one”. He does this by building a ring showing his love. He probably is promising her the same thing. The ring doesn't mean crap for two reasons. One is he never proposed, so it's just a piece of jewelry with no meaning. Two, you have only been with him 7 months and the false marriage stuff is to make you feel secure with him.
He is trying to control you and isolate you. Making you delete your social media and contacts so there is no way his two women can find out or contact each other. This is all just typical cheater manipulation.
Dump him. He doesn't plan on marrying you. He is lying about the ex, you might even be his side piece and he will stay with her because he has his claws sank deeper in her at this point. She reached out to you because she is getting played also and she realizes it unlike you so far.
I dont want to make you feel bad, but like 4y ago a dude posted about the samething, that after she wife her a breast augmantation, and after that her personality changed so much, the end of his history was divorce, i think you should sit your wife and her a serious conversation, with emphasis on the part where shes being flirty with her friends and with strangers
No, the open relationship stuff was a very small part of the conversation, and not what I was referring to as far as not getting on board with plans. I meant as far as being long-distance indefinitely, in retrospect there were actually quite a few times where he tried to talk about moving in together or at least finding a way to stay closer together and I found a reason to shut down the conversation about it.
But as a small point of clarification, it wasn't the whole 14 years that he thought we were open. And it also wasn't actually multiple times a month, that was me guessing in response to someone asking but it turned out to be less than that when I did actually ask him the number.
I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt here and give you a woman's perspective.
It's unfortunate that society values women, particularly young women, on their physical attractiveness. Women are constantly barraged with adverts for makeup and skincare that promise to make you look younger, prettier and therefore more valuable. This plays out in the media with so many famous women feeling the need to get plastic surgery to try and preserve what understandably they have been told is the single most important thing you have. If a woman isn't being hounded for letting themselves go they're being told they're pathetic and desperate for doing all these things to stay young.
Generally speaking as you get older you tend to care less and less what other people think of you but she is still young and very much neck deep in these societal expectations and thus has adapted by placing her value in what she is as opposed to who she is, hence why she seeks validation in the reaction her looks will get from other people.
I could say that she should see a therapist but honestly this really isn't uncommon or even surprising and many women feel this way, and someone telling you not to doesn't change the fact that those environmental pressures are still there. Of course there's not much you can do about those either other than reassuring her about how you feel about her, most importantly what it is about her person, her hobbies, her behaviours and so on, because those are what really matter when it comes to a fulfilling life.
Tell that to all the women out here getting coerced into having unprotected sex because they're on birth control. This shit happens all the damn time. Stuff like this changes the way people view/handle sex and SA. Birth control will always be a relevant topic when it comes to rape.
Sounds like yer husband is begging for a bad time.Wonder how long he's gonna keep that shit up when you quit cleaning his clothes and feeding him teevee dinners
I was totally for inviting her until I saw the words, “cheated with my sister.”
You’ve got roughly 50 years (if all goes well) left with your sister, so maybe you make an effort with her, even though you don’t trust her and in your heart, she’s on double secret probation (line from a movie, sorry).
But there should be no +1.
Not for a very long time, if ever. You invite your sister to come alone. If she can’t accept that, she can decline your invitation. Her choice.
Your friend actually sounds kind of lost.
People like you, follow their passion at uni. Because its what they want to do with their lives.
She clearly doesn't have a passion of her own or a clear career trajectory.
The good news is, there is room in this world for more than one biology student and more than one biologist.
So long as you get to follow your passion I don't think it matters at all if your lost friend stumbles into the same basic branch of science.
It will keep happening. It just will. This is your life now.
He is playing both you and the ex.
This guy claims he is playing mind games with the ex. Why is he even bothering with her if she is the ex? If he focused half the time he spent with her, your relationship would prosper tremendously. That is, of course, if you believe what he is saying and I think neither of us do believe him.
He is getting the best of both worlds. He is having sex with both of you while trying to convince both that “you are the one”. He does this by building a ring showing his love. He probably is promising her the same thing. The ring doesn't mean crap for two reasons. One is he never proposed, so it's just a piece of jewelry with no meaning. Two, you have only been with him 7 months and the false marriage stuff is to make you feel secure with him.
He is trying to control you and isolate you. Making you delete your social media and contacts so there is no way his two women can find out or contact each other. This is all just typical cheater manipulation.
Dump him. He doesn't plan on marrying you. He is lying about the ex, you might even be his side piece and he will stay with her because he has his claws sank deeper in her at this point. She reached out to you because she is getting played also and she realizes it unlike you so far.
I dont want to make you feel bad, but like 4y ago a dude posted about the samething, that after she wife her a breast augmantation, and after that her personality changed so much, the end of his history was divorce, i think you should sit your wife and her a serious conversation, with emphasis on the part where shes being flirty with her friends and with strangers
No, the open relationship stuff was a very small part of the conversation, and not what I was referring to as far as not getting on board with plans. I meant as far as being long-distance indefinitely, in retrospect there were actually quite a few times where he tried to talk about moving in together or at least finding a way to stay closer together and I found a reason to shut down the conversation about it.
But as a small point of clarification, it wasn't the whole 14 years that he thought we were open. And it also wasn't actually multiple times a month, that was me guessing in response to someone asking but it turned out to be less than that when I did actually ask him the number.
I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt here and give you a woman's perspective.
It's unfortunate that society values women, particularly young women, on their physical attractiveness. Women are constantly barraged with adverts for makeup and skincare that promise to make you look younger, prettier and therefore more valuable. This plays out in the media with so many famous women feeling the need to get plastic surgery to try and preserve what understandably they have been told is the single most important thing you have. If a woman isn't being hounded for letting themselves go they're being told they're pathetic and desperate for doing all these things to stay young.
Generally speaking as you get older you tend to care less and less what other people think of you but she is still young and very much neck deep in these societal expectations and thus has adapted by placing her value in what she is as opposed to who she is, hence why she seeks validation in the reaction her looks will get from other people.
I could say that she should see a therapist but honestly this really isn't uncommon or even surprising and many women feel this way, and someone telling you not to doesn't change the fact that those environmental pressures are still there. Of course there's not much you can do about those either other than reassuring her about how you feel about her, most importantly what it is about her person, her hobbies, her behaviours and so on, because those are what really matter when it comes to a fulfilling life.
Tell that to all the women out here getting coerced into having unprotected sex because they're on birth control. This shit happens all the damn time. Stuff like this changes the way people view/handle sex and SA. Birth control will always be a relevant topic when it comes to rape.
Sounds like yer husband is begging for a bad time.Wonder how long he's gonna keep that shit up when you quit cleaning his clothes and feeding him teevee dinners
Please do!! You deserve better!!
Also, you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed!
Thank you very much this response really helped me recollect my thoughts!
I was totally for inviting her until I saw the words, “cheated with my sister.”
You’ve got roughly 50 years (if all goes well) left with your sister, so maybe you make an effort with her, even though you don’t trust her and in your heart, she’s on double secret probation (line from a movie, sorry).
But there should be no +1.
Not for a very long time, if ever. You invite your sister to come alone. If she can’t accept that, she can decline your invitation. Her choice.