My husband proposed me after 1 year of dating, we were engaged for another year and got married last February and expecting a baby already. So all the big milestones within a time frame of 3 years.. but all felt good and we knew we wanted to do this. There was no second thoughts involved. I think age is also a factor here, I’m 32 and he is 39 both have stable jobs good income, both were on the same page wanting kids etc.
I obviously don’t know your entire story but to me it seems like she wants to get married to get a greencard.. because now she needs to online of a student visa, and when that expires and she is not married to an US citizen she needs to go back to Brazil.
It’s clear that you are not ready so I would recommend not to hurry with this. Moving in together would be a good first step. Spending every weekend together is different than living together, this way you can see how it will be with her, and this will help you in your decision making if this is the girl you want to spend your life with. Good luck!
As someone who was with a woman for 6+ years that was insecure and needed constant reassurance, yes it’s exhausting. Sure, everyone needs some reassurance every once in a while. But if it’s week after week of you needing reassurance, your partner will feel like he’s not good enough, like no matter what he does you will never be satisfied, he will feel more like an emotional tampon rather than a partner and will eventually grow to resent you. That negative energy is exhausting and not fun to be around. Get therapy, don’t make your partner your therapist.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Are you really worried about your husband cheating on you? I feel like the anxiety you feel about your husband cheating is kinda bullshit. He doesn't seem like a ladies man at all. Is the lack of sex just on your husband or are you losing attraction to him? Your husband is the opposite of your father. I think you have some regret being in a long-term relationship so early in life and wished you met your husband maybe later on in life. Now that you're getting married, you won't have the chance of traveling or maybe meet other men. Do you crave a competent, confident and assertive man to sweep you off your feet? Talk to your husband about your issues and tell him he needs to make some changes. If not leave him if you want to explore life more.
I don’t like her boyfriend either but I’m civil and I talk to him. I don’t want him there but I deal with it. Knowing he’s there, makes me not want to spend time with them, but I do it for them. If I knew I wouldn’t regret not spending time with them if something happened to them, then I probably wouldn’t bother. Unfortunately, I know it would so I guilt myself into going with them :/
He hasn't been like this at all when we were together. He just doesn't see the point of lesbian relationship if they are used only for themselves and not to entertain men (he opposes same sex relations for men altogether)
My husband proposed me after 1 year of dating, we were engaged for another year and got married last February and expecting a baby already. So all the big milestones within a time frame of 3 years.. but all felt good and we knew we wanted to do this. There was no second thoughts involved. I think age is also a factor here, I’m 32 and he is 39 both have stable jobs good income, both were on the same page wanting kids etc.
I obviously don’t know your entire story but to me it seems like she wants to get married to get a greencard.. because now she needs to online of a student visa, and when that expires and she is not married to an US citizen she needs to go back to Brazil.
It’s clear that you are not ready so I would recommend not to hurry with this. Moving in together would be a good first step. Spending every weekend together is different than living together, this way you can see how it will be with her, and this will help you in your decision making if this is the girl you want to spend your life with. Good luck!
As someone who was with a woman for 6+ years that was insecure and needed constant reassurance, yes it’s exhausting. Sure, everyone needs some reassurance every once in a while. But if it’s week after week of you needing reassurance, your partner will feel like he’s not good enough, like no matter what he does you will never be satisfied, he will feel more like an emotional tampon rather than a partner and will eventually grow to resent you. That negative energy is exhausting and not fun to be around. Get therapy, don’t make your partner your therapist.
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Are you really worried about your husband cheating on you? I feel like the anxiety you feel about your husband cheating is kinda bullshit. He doesn't seem like a ladies man at all. Is the lack of sex just on your husband or are you losing attraction to him? Your husband is the opposite of your father. I think you have some regret being in a long-term relationship so early in life and wished you met your husband maybe later on in life. Now that you're getting married, you won't have the chance of traveling or maybe meet other men. Do you crave a competent, confident and assertive man to sweep you off your feet? Talk to your husband about your issues and tell him he needs to make some changes. If not leave him if you want to explore life more.
That's not an ultimatum. That's a game plan.
I don’t like her boyfriend either but I’m civil and I talk to him. I don’t want him there but I deal with it. Knowing he’s there, makes me not want to spend time with them, but I do it for them. If I knew I wouldn’t regret not spending time with them if something happened to them, then I probably wouldn’t bother. Unfortunately, I know it would so I guilt myself into going with them :/
He hasn't been like this at all when we were together. He just doesn't see the point of lesbian relationship if they are used only for themselves and not to entertain men (he opposes same sex relations for men altogether)