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I totally understand your partner needing to talk about this and take time. You seem awfully blasé about finding out you have a child. You even seem happy to let someone else play daddy to this child. Personally, I would consider this a big red flag.
Good for you, OP. You're making the right choices for now. Please update us once you've decided on staying or going.
¡Updateme
Some people might not agree with me but I think gently asserting boundaries without a big conversation is actually the kindest thing to do. If you don't want to give her the code to Life 360, don't give it to her. If she asks for it anyway, just say you're not comfortable sharing that and change the subject. Share very limited information about yourself if she's tempted to use your openness to get even more info. Don't give in to her requests if they cross your line, like if she asked you where you are, tell her you'll call her back when you're home and you can update her about your day then. You don't have to provide the information on demand. If she confronts you about your behavior changing, I still think a big speech is not necessary. You can just tell her you've been feeling introverted lately and maintaining a sense of privacy has given you peace.
If any of this upsets her or makes her act emotionally, you might need to face the reality that you might not be seeing all sides of your mother's personality and maybe she's not as emotionally mature as you think she is. You might even have to be honest that your mother's behavior has hurt you or held you back despite her best intentions to be a loving mother and her success in that department in other ways.
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He is the one blowing it up. He is accusing her of cheating with no other suspicion than his friend was cheated on. If she has to get the paternity test to be a good wife, he should also give her all his phone/email passwords and let her location track his phone. She'd just be learning from his friend's mistake too!
You could try not making things worse.
Apologize and tell her you will see stop with the passive aggressive jokes.
She’s immature and likes the attention. It makes her feel wanted and hot. She is insecure so she needs constant validation from strangers.
Sounds like shes done nothing thus far with either