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Let him know you are not commenting on HIS behavior with her, it's HER behavior. It seemed he didn't understand this. At least it kinda reads like this to me.
I've seen this sort of behavior before, and you are right to be cautiously suspicious. She's a particular kind of person, and she may have been trying to get your goat, make your husband uncomfortable, etc. She might be testing boundaries because you don't know what kind of discussions they're having about you & your husband when you're not hanging out together.
Maybe they're swingers, and she's testing the waters on that front. Just food for thought.
Keep your eyes on her, and start making mental notes, even if you have to write them down in a diary for dates, times, and who was there when the thing happened. Does this make sense?
She is being flirtatious, which is okay -but she has to have boundaries and she should not cross yours. YOU set your boundaries, not her, so just keep that uppermost in your mind.
That is what her behavior suggests. Now to be fair, she could be the kind of person for whom alcohol loosens her inhibitions, and that plays out in some unwanted, unwelcome behaviors. I've seen it a million times.
You're now on notice to be mindful of her behavior around your husband. A one-off is acceptable if the offense isn't too…outrageous, and again ->you decide what's unacceptable and outrageous, and no one else.
And if you have to call her on it, don't do it in public, and not when you've all been drinking. Just make it a point to broach the subject when you're sober and/or in a private setting.
I assure you we've made no connection with “teenage college redhead cousin.”
While people can form unhealthy attachments to models, it's not really the default scenario.
You could say the same thing about having a fantasy about someone, sexual or romantic. A problem if serial or impacting your relationship, but frankly bound to happen over a long relationship.
I actually apologised to him in bed last night and clarified that I understood his POV , he was a bit surprised. He held me tight and we ended up having a pretty passionate sex session lol So hopefully something is still there.
Let him just enjoy his hobbies peacefully ffs
You have your opinions, thats fine. But you need not rub it in his face – especially if it’s something that he enjoys.
You need major therapy because your response is so off it’s astonishing.
Please stop doing this. It is hurting you. And if he insists, he isn't the one. Most men just fantasize in their heads, he doesn't need to make it obvious and hurtful.
If one of your friends was pretending to be you so her bf could have you, would you be creeped out? Angry? Take your cue from that.
He's never given me a reason not to
He's never given me a reason not to
INSECURE
This prank of yours was very mean spirited and totally uncalled for.
People are understanding these days especially if its an abusive relationship. Don't think about others. Save urself. Don't get back with him unless you like getting beaten up.
Sounds like she likes your personality, but not your caresses.
Probably not. It’s very very hot to trust someone who cannot be trusted, when the consequences of being wrong are absolutely crushing.
Obviously I would. Luckily my sister isn’t a piece of poop
For me, if someone’s anger is unfounded, I don’t bend to their will because I don’t find that very healthy. I’ve found it opens a door I don’t want opened.
I appreciate and understand emotions, but I don’t condone blaming someone else for unfounded anger. If he was an adult and talked about why this made him uncomfortable instead of lashing out at her, I would be far more sympathetic.
We all have insecurities and moments of irrational and unfounded emotion. That’s not the issue. The issue is projecting and blaming someone when they did nothing wrong instead of talking things out in a respectful manner.
Lemme answer your questions first:
He lives with his parents on the weekend because he's Indian (we both are) and normally you on-line with your family til you're married, so this is a big shock for his parents as it is. I'm a secret because he doesn't want his strict Indian parents to know, and he's a secret from my parents for the same reason. Neither of us have a problem with this, it's very common amongst Indian kids brought up in the west to hide relationships.
He is contributing but his funds are running low which is why I was getting worried.
He's trying to move forward with things, I just don't know if he feels it's urgent or not.
On the upside, he's budgeting right now as I'm typing this which is great because he realised he only worked 9 hours last week.
It's surprising that you didn't have a problem with your son dating FAMILY, but you're going to throw a fuss when his current wife isn't happy that he lied to her and went out with the woman (who is an ex regardless of what you think).
There aren't many husbands or wives that would be happy that their spouse lied to them and met up with an ex. Your son shouldn't have even dated a family member. But it is what it is and his wife should come before the ex. The fact that she's his cousin is irrelevant.
Your son lied and needs to do the work to make his marriage work. If he were truthful and discussed this with his wife prior, this wouldn't have happened.
Divorce her, and do it soon. Then you might need to pay a bit of alimony, but it won't be a lot.
Total guess out of left field here. But your situation sounds eerily like how my engagement fell apart. Any chance she got off birth control or switched it up within the last year? The hormone flip flop of that completely changed my ex and was the catalyst to our relationship falling apart and her turning her life upside down. She also started complaining about attraction and otherwise but I too was in quite good shape and had only gotten objectively better over our relationship. She couldn’t have wanted for more in our sex life, but all of a sudden I wasn’t enough. We even knew to expect lots of hormone imbalances and touchy personality changes but she became an entirely different person.