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Marry her??
She’s got her own style, she doesn’t need to conform to yours. If Shes happy with how she dresses, leave it be. If she is not than you could try and be subtle, take her shopping or point out outfits that are fashionable in the media you consume.
Definitely a trauma response and I do this too.
Growing up my parents would lash out at me, so I learned to asses a situation.
If I straight up said I didn’t like thyme and would rather have sage, it would turn into a big argument.
“Oh great! So you’re just not gonna eat now huh? I spent hours cooking this, but it isn’t good enough for you!” This being yelled at me, hands thrown in the air, very angry tone.
So, I leaned to asked some questions and gauge their reactions to see if they would get angry at me if I were to substitute a change.
I didn't read that timeline. I think the most likely scenario is they saw a letter addressed to OP and wished to share it with her and then thought better of it. Whatever is in that letter will not help her process grief. In any event that guy's parents clearly thought better of it in the meantime, for whatever reason. Probably because it is a tough pretty but who knows.
Women have been conditioned to be caretakers and to always put others first. Men are allowed more agency over themselves and their happiness. It makes sense that more Men would feel comfortable leaving. I’d say there are just as many women who want to leave but just can’t get around the guilt and can’t face the public shaming they would get.