This is excessive and very unhealthy. It sounds like she doesnāt understand boundaries, she has to fill her time with other things and find interests outside of the relationship and you would know this one – but perhaps sheās very possessive and wants to know what youāre up to all the time. You FaceTiming her as often as you do stops you from having a life outside of the relationship too
Brother, you said yourself sheās been āgoing through a rough patch at workā and thought that surprising her by going behind her back to contact her manager to get her out for a day was a good idea? I mean the whole snacks and spa thing was thoughtful and kind, but you donāt get to be shitty with her and blow up at her when she doesnāt react the way you expected or wanted. The moment she started crying you should have stopped and asked her what SHE WANTED to do. You put her in an uncomfortable situation by contacting her manager and arranging the surprise which means she could either 1) go back to work and have to awkwardly explain to her manager that she did not want or approve of your surprise or 2) try to make the best of it despite you having 0 concept of why she may be upset with you or why it may have been a bad idea and thus not being able to empathize with her and probably not able to actually comfort or support her. You could have offered to go take her home. You knew ācontinuing the surprise was not beneficialā when you āread the moodā but yet you did not offer to actually discontinue the activities you set up. It just showed that you care more about getting validation for being thoughtful when in reality you were neither thoughtful nor considerate of her desires and feelings when it didnāt go your way. Apologize to her for bungling this so badly, completely missing the mark, and potentially negatively impacting her work/career(!) and let go of whatever hurt feelings you have that it wasnāt as ideal as you pictured because truly you overlooked very crucial details planning this.
We did discuss it quite a bit, I asked what the circumstances that led up to it where he explained that it was his boss giving him the third degree about something and the thought to swing a tool at him crossed his mind. The tool was pretty large and heavy, and the connection made that if he actually did it, there was a good chance that the result would be the worst, and he walked away. He said related the incident to those moments when youāre on the road and experience some road rage or the call of the void like āif I drive off this bridge, Iām done forā.
He didnāt outright apologize, but I was able to express why it was that it scared me and he listened throughout. He agreed that it would be scary if he put himself in my shoes.
Therapy is already in the works for communication issues and anger is something we are addressing in therapy. This is something that I suggested he should bring up as an example of times his rage has gotten out of hand.
I do feel better after clearing the air, but itās something Iām not quite going to forgetā¦ Iāve also been squirreling away a little here and thereā¦ just in caseā¦
The name isn't unique. It's grown in popularity over the past few years, and is in the top 150 most common names. She claims she had mentioned it in the past, but I honestly have no recollection. Regardless, I don't know what's stopping her from using said name in the future.
Does he āfunctionā when you exchange favors?
Being proud of going to work sick. What a strange attitude.
This is excessive and very unhealthy. It sounds like she doesnāt understand boundaries, she has to fill her time with other things and find interests outside of the relationship and you would know this one – but perhaps sheās very possessive and wants to know what youāre up to all the time. You FaceTiming her as often as you do stops you from having a life outside of the relationship too
Brother, you said yourself sheās been āgoing through a rough patch at workā and thought that surprising her by going behind her back to contact her manager to get her out for a day was a good idea? I mean the whole snacks and spa thing was thoughtful and kind, but you donāt get to be shitty with her and blow up at her when she doesnāt react the way you expected or wanted. The moment she started crying you should have stopped and asked her what SHE WANTED to do. You put her in an uncomfortable situation by contacting her manager and arranging the surprise which means she could either 1) go back to work and have to awkwardly explain to her manager that she did not want or approve of your surprise or 2) try to make the best of it despite you having 0 concept of why she may be upset with you or why it may have been a bad idea and thus not being able to empathize with her and probably not able to actually comfort or support her. You could have offered to go take her home. You knew ācontinuing the surprise was not beneficialā when you āread the moodā but yet you did not offer to actually discontinue the activities you set up. It just showed that you care more about getting validation for being thoughtful when in reality you were neither thoughtful nor considerate of her desires and feelings when it didnāt go your way. Apologize to her for bungling this so badly, completely missing the mark, and potentially negatively impacting her work/career(!) and let go of whatever hurt feelings you have that it wasnāt as ideal as you pictured because truly you overlooked very crucial details planning this.
Watch the movie āThe Wedding Plannerā together. Then discuss your pending nuptials.
We did discuss it quite a bit, I asked what the circumstances that led up to it where he explained that it was his boss giving him the third degree about something and the thought to swing a tool at him crossed his mind. The tool was pretty large and heavy, and the connection made that if he actually did it, there was a good chance that the result would be the worst, and he walked away. He said related the incident to those moments when youāre on the road and experience some road rage or the call of the void like āif I drive off this bridge, Iām done forā.
He didnāt outright apologize, but I was able to express why it was that it scared me and he listened throughout. He agreed that it would be scary if he put himself in my shoes.
Therapy is already in the works for communication issues and anger is something we are addressing in therapy. This is something that I suggested he should bring up as an example of times his rage has gotten out of hand.
I do feel better after clearing the air, but itās something Iām not quite going to forgetā¦ Iāve also been squirreling away a little here and thereā¦ just in caseā¦
The name isn't unique. It's grown in popularity over the past few years, and is in the top 150 most common names. She claims she had mentioned it in the past, but I honestly have no recollection. Regardless, I don't know what's stopping her from using said name in the future.