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1. Hello /u/Ipulleverything,

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2. Here’s where I messed up.

   Um, what? You didn't “messed up” by saying you wish you could spend his birthday with him and his reaction is over the top. Clingy? Lol. What you have here OP is food riddance, because that boy is not ready for a commited relationship.

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3. No. I just have a lot of fun with her, which was something I valued, so it was something I didn’t care about much. I trust my partner and I don’t know, he lives in another country too so I looked passed it. Then I moved to this state and her and I became really close, a year + after that happened. I don’t enjoy people being jealous though, it makes me uncomfortable.

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4. GIRL WHAT THE FUCK

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5. 58M here – these are NOT trivial behaviours.

   If you feel like a parent, he is not being a good partner. If you have to tell him what to do, you are being a manager, and he is not being a good partner. If you have to tell him to shower, you are being a parent, and he is not being a good partner.

   And if his parents are expecting you to “take care of them” when they're “old”, you know where he is getting his expectations from.

   Realize that, if you get married, they're not likely to change. You can't educate or shame them into changing – they'll only change if they actually want to change. If you stay in this relationship, you had better be comfortable being the one that keeps track of chores, ensures that things get done, and more. Expect to be handed the majority of the responsibility for any and all children you have.

   If that's not the life that you want, then you have a decision to make. You can a) have an adult conversation with him (again) and say that this is not the life you want to build together and lay out how you feel, and ask him how it is that he feels comfortable being a child in the relationship, or b) just bail now, since you've already had conversations with him and he hasn't taken you seriously.

   If you go with a) – DO NOT TEACH HIM HOW TO BE A PARTNER. That way lies resentment – for both of you. We online in an age where the sum of human knowledge is available at whim. There are millions of web pages, and probably billions of videos on how to be a good partner. If he doesn't want to learn that, then you will know. If you teach him, he will resent you for “being picky” or “nagging all the time”. Or, you will resent him for still making you do the emotional work to teach him how to be an adult partner.

   “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That's why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.” Maya Angelou

   Marriage requires mutual respect, love, compassion and support. If he's waiting to be told to do things, he's not respecting you and not supporting you. I'm no paragon, but having failed at two marriages so far, I've learned this much – if your partner is not working to be a better person, then they're just expecting you to accept that this is as good as it will get.

   Good luck, OP. I hope you have a life filled with love, respect, support and compassion. With or without him.

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6. I would ask her for concrete examples of your low energy. Do you act lethargic when going out to dinner or when you talk in-person? Have you stopped initiating things like sex or planning date nights? It kind of sounds like you’ve done this already, but she hasn’t exactly given clear answers.

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7. The deletion of texts is all you need to know. He wouldn’t be deleting anything if there’s nothing to hide. Good luck.

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