9 thoughts on “Charlotte Myers live! webcams for YOU!”
Be sure to discuss exactly what you expect if it's a temporary “separation” rather than a breakup. Otherwise, the separation may well kill any chance you have.
Consider for a moment that one of you sleeps with 50 people in that period, and the other sleeps with 2. Can you both handle that? Could you genuinely come back from it if it was with her colleague, knowing there's an emotional component, if your experiences were all meaningless?
Do you talk during that period? Do you tell each other what you get up to, or would that transparency make it worse?
Do you continue living together? If not, who moves out? If you have a mortgage, do you both continue paying it together or could that prohibit the person moving out affording a place?
If you went and had a wild 3 months, and she remained loyal, would you feel guilty? If you couldn't bring yourself to, and she slept with multiple people, would you feel betrayed?
You'll want to properly discuss it and not just say “anything goes” or it's incredibly unlikely that the separation will ever end. If the marriage is worth so little to you that you're okay with that, would it be easier to cut ties with more certainty so you both have closure and can move on?
I'm less concerned about why your BF divides shared costs this way than I am about the fact that you're considering marriage but are afraid to discuss this fairly simple financial/emotional issue with him. There are LOTS of reasons why your BF might act this way: he might be cheap; he might be super detail-oriented; he might be doing what he would want done if he owed someone money; he might be doing what he thinks you would prefer; he might be worried that you'd think he wasn't dividing things fairly unless you saw documentation. I don't know, which makes sense because I'm not dating him — but YOU don't know because you're not asking him, nor are you sharing with him how it makes you feel, and that is not a good foundation of communication for a serious relationship. Finances, as you have noticed, often have a lot of emotions, beliefs, and personal values associated with them. It's big stuff that can literally doom a relationship if it's not managed well.
Sort of? It can be? Gaslighting is generally more nefarious and more of a pattern and done with the intent to make someone question their memory/sanity.
She didn't lie with the purpose of making you question your memory. She lied because she was afraid of how you'd feel about it.
Not every instance of lying is gaslighting.
I dunno, it's just a pet peeve because calling mundane stuff like this gaslighting makes the term kind of meaningless and strips it of its severity.
But regardless, she lied originally. It's up to you if you can get past it. To me its such a minor thing to lie about and some people are pretty weird about drugs so I get it and if there's no other history of lying I wouldn't make it into a big thing.
If you feel you can't trust her now, that's also valid.
My whole body is shaking, my heart is racing, I feel like I’m gonna yak, I’m naked as hell…. This is my worst fear guys I just can’t believe it
Thank you, I appreciate it. Maybe I'll agree someday. In the meantime, if I can get through to just one unsure/insecure lady out there before she throws her happiness away, it'll all be worth it!
Yep, it’s really understandable that you’re both thrown for a loop by this.
I’m hopeful he’ll come back to you with the realization that this just doesn’t work.
If doesn’t come to it on his own, you might have to request that he do his first really very hot thing as a loving dad rather than a loving son, and tell his family he made a mistake.
He’s can tell his family sooner rather than later that he spoke too soon. As a brand new dad, he wasn’t thinking about how important it is to him to spend weekends with his kid. (Don’t let him even accidentally blame you for this, like “I forgot I need to help Salad on Sundays!”). He realized he acted on habit as a son but now has to step up as a dad, so he can’t help very much, he’s sorry, but he’s happy to be a sounding board for other people’s ideas.
Maybe he can do some work from home once he’s got a handle on baby routines but this isn’t a wise commitment he can currently make
Be sure to discuss exactly what you expect if it's a temporary “separation” rather than a breakup. Otherwise, the separation may well kill any chance you have.
Consider for a moment that one of you sleeps with 50 people in that period, and the other sleeps with 2. Can you both handle that? Could you genuinely come back from it if it was with her colleague, knowing there's an emotional component, if your experiences were all meaningless?
Do you talk during that period? Do you tell each other what you get up to, or would that transparency make it worse?
Do you continue living together? If not, who moves out? If you have a mortgage, do you both continue paying it together or could that prohibit the person moving out affording a place?
If you went and had a wild 3 months, and she remained loyal, would you feel guilty? If you couldn't bring yourself to, and she slept with multiple people, would you feel betrayed?
You'll want to properly discuss it and not just say “anything goes” or it's incredibly unlikely that the separation will ever end. If the marriage is worth so little to you that you're okay with that, would it be easier to cut ties with more certainty so you both have closure and can move on?
I'm less concerned about why your BF divides shared costs this way than I am about the fact that you're considering marriage but are afraid to discuss this fairly simple financial/emotional issue with him. There are LOTS of reasons why your BF might act this way: he might be cheap; he might be super detail-oriented; he might be doing what he would want done if he owed someone money; he might be doing what he thinks you would prefer; he might be worried that you'd think he wasn't dividing things fairly unless you saw documentation. I don't know, which makes sense because I'm not dating him — but YOU don't know because you're not asking him, nor are you sharing with him how it makes you feel, and that is not a good foundation of communication for a serious relationship. Finances, as you have noticed, often have a lot of emotions, beliefs, and personal values associated with them. It's big stuff that can literally doom a relationship if it's not managed well.
Why are you afraid to talk to him about this?
Sort of? It can be? Gaslighting is generally more nefarious and more of a pattern and done with the intent to make someone question their memory/sanity.
She didn't lie with the purpose of making you question your memory. She lied because she was afraid of how you'd feel about it.
Not every instance of lying is gaslighting.
I dunno, it's just a pet peeve because calling mundane stuff like this gaslighting makes the term kind of meaningless and strips it of its severity.
But regardless, she lied originally. It's up to you if you can get past it. To me its such a minor thing to lie about and some people are pretty weird about drugs so I get it and if there's no other history of lying I wouldn't make it into a big thing.
If you feel you can't trust her now, that's also valid.
My whole body is shaking, my heart is racing, I feel like I’m gonna yak, I’m naked as hell…. This is my worst fear guys I just can’t believe it
And yes we did agree you won’t because it is causing issues with us sexually.
It shouldn’t have needed to be brought up more than once “hey I don’t like that, it hurts” doesn’t mean keep doing it
She hasn’t been the most faithful in the past but a fictional character bothers him. They both need therapy
Thank you, I appreciate it. Maybe I'll agree someday. In the meantime, if I can get through to just one unsure/insecure lady out there before she throws her happiness away, it'll all be worth it!
Yep, it’s really understandable that you’re both thrown for a loop by this.
I’m hopeful he’ll come back to you with the realization that this just doesn’t work.
If doesn’t come to it on his own, you might have to request that he do his first really very hot thing as a loving dad rather than a loving son, and tell his family he made a mistake.
He’s can tell his family sooner rather than later that he spoke too soon. As a brand new dad, he wasn’t thinking about how important it is to him to spend weekends with his kid. (Don’t let him even accidentally blame you for this, like “I forgot I need to help Salad on Sundays!”). He realized he acted on habit as a son but now has to step up as a dad, so he can’t help very much, he’s sorry, but he’s happy to be a sounding board for other people’s ideas.
Maybe he can do some work from home once he’s got a handle on baby routines but this isn’t a wise commitment he can currently make