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Saved this comment from another thread, since it's so often relevant:
Hey, you need to understand that love is nowhere near a good enough reason to stay in a relationship. Ever. No exceptions. Love is not a good reason to stay.
Don’t you think that women and men who get punched in the face by their partners probably love them? And they stay because of that. Would you want your sister or mother or DAUGHTER to stay in an abusive relationship because they loved them? Of course not.
I’ll go a step further: Love isn’t that special. We’re taught that it is, but it isn’t. It’s not special or rare. Lots of people love their partners even when their partners treat them like shit, just like yours does. You will find someone else to love. It’s common.
You know what is NOT common? To be in a relationship with these traits in addition to love:
respect
trust
transparency
compassion
honesty
a desire to ensure your partners needs are met and vice versa
both partners caring about each other’s comfort
healthy boundaries
transparency
So, if you have a relationship with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE THINGS in addition to love, then you stay. But you don’t. You don’t have all of those things in your relationship.
I’ll go even one step further. A relationship with all of those things WITHOUT love would be healthier than a relationship without any of those things but WITH love.
Okay, so here’s the test: when you’re in a relationship, ask yourself if you have love and everything else on that list. If you don’t, then you leave. Because a healthy relationship will have all of that. Every time. If you have a future relationship that does not have every single one of those things, then you’re in the wrong relationship.
It’s not easy or common to find that. It’s rare and it’s beautiful. But if you have love without those things, then you have a shitty relationship. And you should respect yourself enough to NEVER EVER EVER EVER stay in a shitty relationship. Ever.
Edit: thank you for the awards. In a similar way to OP, I had to learn this lesson the naked way. But now I’m fortunate enough to be married to the most amazing woman on earth, and we have all of those traits listed in my comment. So I’ve learned that it IS possible to have a relationship with love in addition to the other things, and anything else is just settling.
Credit to /u/usernotfoundplstry
You ain't gonna believe it but 100% of born people die. Sorry, just pure statistics.
It's funny that you think that a divorce is messier even when kids and property is involved.
On the contrary. Laws and regulations took care of that.
If you think it's easier to break up while having so much family baggage…well … it's seems that you do, in fact, have to stay away from any legalties – future court hearings will teach you right.
Also, extremely funny that you care about “external parties” opinions more than about your SO's.
Basically, all “reasons” you've provided are just a childish review of what a marriage is. Valid, but still…
I just checked statistics, btw. Chances of straight unmarried couples to break up after 10 years period are more than double of those who are married.
Statistics, boy.
You wrote way too many words to say that you want to have your options open as fast as you legally can should you break up.
He has already shown you that he doesn’t care by cheating on you. When are you going to start caring about yourself enough to stop taking him back when he treats you like shit? Stop focusing on him and start focusing on getting confidence and having self respect.
How do you know that your gf isn't exactly the same as her friends?
Guy here, he should be trying to earn your trust on the daily for all the things he has put you through. You deserve much better than this, I hope you realize it. He sounds like he’s never content and you’ll be paying for it as long as you indulge him. You need to break up and stay broken up because as far as he’s concerned you are always waiting for him. He needs consequences for his actions.
thank you, i really appreciate you taking the time to talk this out with me. i sent her a text like you suggested, i turned off notifications as well because honestly i’m scared to read her response tomorrow. my therapist can’t do telehealth since she’s not licensed to practice in the country i moved to :/. my friend knows i’m in therapy and that i’ve been working on this stuff but i also mentioned that i’ll be working on it more. i think the drifting away with college thing is definitely true and it just makes me sad. i have some friends here and i know i’ll make more and get closer the longer im here but i really miss being so close with her. it’s a hot thing to express and i did it very incorrectly this time. i really appreciate your advice. thanks again
Do you know how to be single? From your post history, u need therapy
He's right and you're wrong
Like not trying to be harsh about it but this is your insecurity which is your responsibility to handle and minimize the impact on your partner.
Most guys are attracted to multiple body types. Like In our world of hyper sexualization of the media I totally get you having body image issues, I don't want you to feel like those aren't valid. Just because they're your responsibility to deal with doesn't mean the issues themselves are unreasonable to have or something, you know? Its just, no one can take responsibility for your insecurities but you so if you dont then just no one takes responsibility for them at all, which sucks for everyone but you most of all so don't do yourself like that.
If you are expecting to monopolize your boyfriends sexual thoughts, that's honestly not fair of you. In my opinion everyone is entitled to their own internal fantasy life and most people do not just stop being attracted to anyone else ever when they get in a relationship, fidelity is a choice not an emotional reaction.
Telling some they 'have to' do anything sexual is absolutely wrong, and you should tell him in no uncertain terms that it is not how you build a relationship with anyone. It's a massive red flag and possibly a deal breaker too. Regardless, he should be made aware of this so in the future he can learn to treat people with respect. It's like, what if you told him he had to let you fuck him in the ass with a strap-on dildo? I doubt he'd be so inclined to go along with that.
Your bf is a parasite.
He's a healthy individual that refuses to work and relies on you to provide all his needs once his inheritance runs out.
OP are you sure you want to continue working yourself to the bone for somewho doesn't even bother to find any type of income?
BTW the startup us just excuse at this point so he doesn't have to find a work. If he wanted to launch it he would already.
I’m confused. You called her out on it, and then she took ownership of it and admitted it was her fault. She then removed him.
Why is this still an issue? Yeah she probably was thinking bad things at the time but if she owns up to it and fixes it, you gotta leave room for forgiveness. Nobody’s perfect.
It’s extremely rare to find a partner who will actually admit to bad behavior. Don’t mess this up.