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yeah I get you, that is unfortunately reasonably common
You sing the song
You're doing it, you're doing it, you're picking your nose, and chewing it.
You really need to cut back contact with this woman if she’s already acting possessive of you to your wife. You are sending her dangerous signals. Remind yourself that this crush comes from the fact that this is largely fantasy. Stop daydreaming about her and focus on ways to nurture your relationship with your wife or you’re going to end up deciding you’ve fallen in love with this woman and the grass. is. not. greener. You’re an adult.
Sorry this is happening. I do see some red flags you may not, though.
The biggest is the age difference. I'm not one to over-react to this, but your bf is technically old enough to be your dad, and it's your 1st serious thing. This is a really bad combo. There's a power imbalance in place that you probably don't see.
The other thing has to do with how isolated he sounds. I fully get why he can't let anyone in his fam know. But this reads like he doesn't want anyone to know….period. This puts you in an impossible position. You have fam and friends, just like most people. But on the flip side, you are his whole world. You never want to be in this position, because as time goes by, you'll become stifled by the situation. You want to join a couple work buddies for drinks? It's very likely he won't approve, because it takes you away from him.
Uh NO not everyone has relationship tests and this is incredibly fucked up of him. I would run so fast.
He sounds like a super jerk. First love yourself, do your thing and look for someone who loves you for who you are.
I have explicitly adviced against having an affair. I simply stated that prolonged dissatisfaction may push you towards one. This why I suggested separation/divorce as a better alternative. It is more fair to your spouse.