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Hey OP! I (28 F) was once in your shoes when I was 13. The burden of carrying it alone is far greater than it being known to everyone. This is a burden you should not carry alone, and it’s very hot to not feel isolated in this situation.
As someone whose been in your shoes here are a few things I wish I knew/
1) First and foremost protect yourself, you do not need to know what happens behind close doors between your parents once your dad tells your mom. It is not your battle to fight, or your decision to make it’s theirs.
2) Please, please seek help. If nothing else having a school guidance counselor or therapist to talk to about this will help you process and I hope will help you in the future. No one ever got me help, I really struggled and had many issues in my early 20’s that I’ve since overcome as a result of this.
3) How you feel now, use this as a learning experience. In 10-15 years down the road, when you’re starting to settle down with a long term partner you know commitment is commitment and what being unfaithful can do. This experience helped me chooses my lifelong partner wisely and also made dating in my 20’s, albeit annoying for others, really successful in getting to know people and rebuild trust in creating friendships and relationships.
If nothing else, please know it’s not your burden o carry you’re still a kid and have so much life a head of you. Take the space and time to heal.
I was in that same exact spot ages ago. Oddly I found out my ex was using all sorts of wild drugs. I had NO idea! We only found out because when I left I called the cops. They showed up and entered the house. He had left a note that he was going to kill him self so the cops found him and took him to the hospital. He had all kinds of crazy stuff his system. I was just so blown away because I sincerely no idea! Needless to say that’s NO EXCUSE! I’m so terribly sorry this has happened to you! I’ll be keeping you in my heart and in my thoughts. ?
It's really frustrating when people co-opt language and concepts meant to help people heal from and identify and describe toxicity to justify their own toxicity.
Okay so just walk me through this.
Let’s say your rent is $1000. 50/50 means you both pay $500. Does she write down that she contributes $500 but only pays forward $400? Or does she simply not know what the actual costs are and writes an estimation of what she’s putting in?
These bills are pretty cut and dry. It’s not like splitting groceries and meals out where sometimes a trip can be $200 and sometimes it’s $20.
If she is just saying she’s putting in her half but is coming short, that’s something you need to address with her head-on. If it’s putting a strain on you because you need to work more to cover her portion, you’ll need to get to the root of why she’s coming up short.
An easy fix would be to have a joint account where you both put in your 50/50 each month so there’s no ambiguity. She can write down all she wants at the end of the day but it doesn’t change the amount she should be contributing. Make a spreadsheet of the bills you share. There should be no ambiguity.
Okay, your bf has some serious issues. Couples counseling might help. Do not feel pressured to have children. You are absolutely right when you say he has no clue about all that is involved to have and raise a biological child. If your instinct is to be child-free, then that is your best course for the future. You two have a serious disconnect and I hope you’ll be able to get some couples counseling. Take care.