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Mia, 19 y.o.
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False, it’s indeed my height
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For the record OP, your BMI is 21.3, which is right smack in the middle of “normal weight”
Your boundaries aren’t dumb… but his behavior and reasoning is.
This is about respect, or in his case, lack of respect towards you. He even has big breasted women as his Lock Screen…
He enjoys objectifying women, hence why he wants to go to this bar — like you said “for titties”.
Girl. I understand not wanting to divorce him, and having issues in past relationships, but you need to do right by you. You deserve to have a relationship with someone who does respect you, and respects your boundaries. Someone who doesn’t gaslight you into thinking you’re “crazy” or “out of line” for having a simple boundary that most people would.
I highly doubt he’d be okay if you suggested going to a similar bar that objectifies men like that…
It’s not a “you problem”, it’s a Jim problem.
Quite a few studies on it.
Your “friend” is a massive idiot.
What is this? She said he was 10/10 too? Her fiancé is 5 years older? Isn’t that her definition of pedophile? Especially since she JUST turned 18 when they started?
This is a stupid hill for her to die on. Just do you girl
This is fucking gross and your husband is acting like a misogynistic AH.
Seriously, that's disgusting.
Even if he decided that only recently has he realized that he wants his children raised Jewish, that’s okay. But you can also believe that you are still set on giving your children religious freedom. Simply put, you guys are no longer a match. I’d wish him the best, and move on.
a child with this trash heap. Those ties aren’t gonna be cut
They can be mostly cut. They're not married. Details may vary in UK, but approximately: He'll be on the hook for child support. She mostly doesn't have to deal with him at all if she doesn't want. He may want child visitation rights, but if she says no, he's got a court battle to get that – he may get none, or only supervised visitation rights. Until he's got his sh*t quite together, it's improbable he'd get unsupervised visitation rights. And judged by the police to have attempted suicide by crashing his car, quite unlikely he'd get unsupervised visitation rights anytime in the near future. And, as OP stated, he's got past drug problems? Yeah, I don't think he'd be getting unsupervised visitation rights anytime soon … maybe never. And if he ain't quite got his sh*t together, he may not have much – if anything – in the way of resources to battle and push for visitation rights – so that may also quite hamper him getting supervised, or especially unsupervised, visitation rights. Also, if she refuses to name him as father on the birth certificate, he may have fair battle to even get named on birth certificate and even start to get any parental rights … that'd probably require him battling/challenging that, and court to order paternity test. If he ain't legally the dad, he ain't got sh*t … but if he ain't legally the dad, she won't get child support from him … but can't squeeze blood from a stone – he may be a worthless broke deadbeat as far as child support goes anyway.
And, depending also upon his misbehaviors – restraining order may also keep him well clear of mom – and baby. Regardless of any legal paternity/father bits.
OP as a woman legit all i see from u are excuses. My husband has female friends i have zero fucking issues with because he tells me everything. I'm not a jealous person by any means and his best friend from childhood is a girl. Now this would've been a big issue if he did what u did and hid shit from me. That makes us suspicious because wtf do u need to lie? It created insecurities and mistrust that could've been left at the damn door!
You are spending more time with this woman than ur wife.. why can't ur wife meet this woman? Is it because u want to spend all ur time with her alone?
U speak to her and enjoy her company more than ur wife's.
The only time u hang out with ur wife is when its with the kids or with other friends… wtf cant yall get a babysitter and spend time together?
And ur out lying about who ur spending time with and not answering ur phone. U never admit ur wrong u simply deflect and say u have ur reasons.
Ur gonna lose ur wife and ur kids for some fling u can't admit to and ur children are gonna fucking hate u.
Ur a grown man making excuses for jst clicking with this one sole woman thats apparently the only human being around… do ur kids friends not have dads? Or ur wife's friends not have husband's? Does ur town not have groups and activities u can join to make male friends?
Go ahead and dance around this shit. You sound detached and cowardice.
Ur wife has every reason to have this boundary up because you sound checked out of ur marriage with ur little gf on the side.
Jesus. Be a man. If u dont want to be married let her get divorced and find a man that will actually respect the vows he made.
So, for the record, you are allowed to just prefer not to have sex with people who have vaginas. That is a completely fine line to draw, your preferences are valid. And while your boyfriend was probably legitimately nervous and disclosing can be hard, it's also hot on you to find out your boyfriend has a completely different setup down there than you were expecting. If you think it through and can't bring yourself to want sex with him, it's ok to simply decline it entirely, or even to split up.
That said, speaking as a trans person myself, it may be worth questioning why you feel a straight woman having sex with a man wouldn't be, yknow, straight? It does sound like at least some of your preference here is rooted in fundamentally kind of…. attaching your sexual identity to liking dicks exclusively? You may be more flexible than you realize.
Also also, even if he does have bottom surgery, I will warn you his dick is… unlikely to work exactly like a cis man's. You may also be a long time waiting, and it sounds like you do want to do sexual things, even if you're willing to postpone them. In the mean time, have you discussed what you are actually comfortable doing sexually? Penetration isn't the only option, and his genitals don't necessarily have to be involved. There are toys, there are dildos, there are mouths – and while some trans men might want to have their vaginas played with, some will actively prefer you don't, and/or get a lot out of, say, using a silicone dick. Don't assume that just because he has similar parts they work the same for him, both psychologically and physically – I assume he's been on hormones, if he's 18 and you dated for that long without realizing he's trans, that will very much change how his genitalia WORKS.
I don't think it's healthy to have an ex of your partner be in your social circle. I don't know about the terms of your break but that part is what stood out to me.
I don't think there is any friendship left to have and for the relationship, you have to sit with yourself about how much you'll be willing to look past this. If it's gonna remain there whenever anything goes wrong, you might wanna move on
That’s a classic abuse tactic, put you down and make you feel so shitty that you believe you couldn’t be with anyone else besides him, so you stay and ensure his shitty and abusive behavior.
He doesn’t love you, he only wants to control you. He will not change. You are not safe with him.
I was abandoned too – by my parents and entire family.
With people like us we are basically coded to believe that no matter what anyone we love will leave us. It’s also why people like us tend to self sabotage relationships. If we fuck up and cause the break up it will hurt less than being abandoned again. That kind of thing. It’s really all a subconscious thing.
Basically, we don’t know what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. In my case, I never felt unconditionally loved by my own parents so how could anyone possibly move me if my own parents don’t. I will never know what it feels like to have your mom or dad hug you and it’s full of love.
It’s likely that you are the first person that has ever made him feel loved. Like really loved and it’s not attached to anything. Like what he offers, looks, provider etc…. Just him. So when you say it during sex it’s an overwhelming emotion. For me, during sex is when I feel the most connected. It is so unbelievably intimate to me and makes me feel like I’m the only person my partner has ever loved. Oddly enough, it’s not when I cum that I feel the most connected. It’s the seconds after she does. Each time – for 3-5 seconds I’m in another world. He probably feels similar and it makes him cum.
Now the forever thing is because he is stupid in love with you and he knows it. Like it probably hurts he loves you so much – and I’m not kidding. You are his person. His absolute person. His favorite person. Now imagine what he feels like when the thought of losing you enters his head. Everyone that is supposed to love him left him. For me, everyone that is supposed to love me, doesn’t. Logically we know that our partner loves us, but as I mentioned , being abandoned basically changing your coding. Somewhere inside him he believes you will do it too. This is what you need to address.
It’s not fair. It’s a burden and you certainly don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I get it. People like us can be a. lot, but for good reason. We just want to be loved for being us. That’s it. So tell him. Outside of sex just tell him. I’m love you. I’m not going anywhere. You are my person. I’m here for you. Etc etc…. Not all the time, but enough.
I’m guessing he loves touching, right? Like simple cuddling, rubbing his arm, back and the ultimate where the neck and back of the head hairline meet – omg I love that shit. Believe it or not he doesn’t just love it because it feels good, he loves it because it makes him feel loved. If you make him feel wanted, and not just sexually, he will truly believe that you are the only woman in the world for him. We never felt wanted before. Feeling wanted feels great for everyone, but it’s off the charts when you never feel it.
Feeling love from you, and feeling wanted by you is a drug to him. It’s everything. It’s the best feeling in the world and he wants more and more of it.
Lastly, you saying “yes, im yours forever” is just fucking naked. That would make a lot of guys go bang quick. If you add Daddy at the end he might cum twice hahaha!
So as someone with a pretty F’d up abandonment issue these are my thoughts about your situation.
Someone's gonna love you just as you are and you'll feel silly for wasting your time on this man.
True love does not care about scars or imperfections