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You are not compatible. Put your kid first
The only thing wrong with your ultimatum is that it's too little, too late. OP, what you've been enduring is abuse. You need peace of mind. Please contact a local domestic violence organization to make a plan to be able to leave safely. If this man yells & punches objects, he will likely punch you next, particularly when you try to leave.
You didn't mention kids– please, PLEASE do not reproduce with this man.
It almost seems like he gave you the gift of giving to him by presenting you with things to make for him with the thing he supposedly bought for you.
No different really to gifting you a new iron so you can do his ironing? I don't know, maybe I'm seeing it wrong.
She is probably time blind.
Start giving her an earlier time than when she actually needs to be somewhere or an earlier time than when you will be at her place.
I would hazard a guess that his poor perspective probably comes from the stigma surrounding male sex toys, with the suggestion being that it's a replacement rather than a tool for enhancement or a different experience entirely.
The rather obvious advice is that he doesn't really get a say. It's your choice what you want to use for solo fun. He's well within his rights to say he doesn't want it used when he's actually involved in the activity, though he's missing out.
It might be worth getting him to take a look at some of the remote control couples toys on the market. Kiiroo and Lovense both have toys for him & her that sync up to be used together long distance. The fact that you're still doing it together, or that he's still the one causing the pleasure, might help with his concerns in the short term. Long term, he'll see, by owning his own toy, that while it is better than solo fun without toys, it falls short of the real thing.
These tools were literally designed for long-distance relationships. Not using them because of his insecurity seems daft.
Exile yourself from the group. They've made it clear they do not value you. Focus on your peripheral friends and develop a new friend group.
I struggled with binge eating. I think he’s maybe missing where you say binge and purge and not just binge, since working out is a way to purge I can see how the gym may affect your eating disorder. Are you getting help for this though?
I found that working out to get strong and release stress and get negative emotions out helped me a lot instead of working out to lose weight. Once I changed the “why” for working out, it was very different. Maybe you haven’t found an activity that you like. In general, Being active is good for you and can help reduce the urge to binge but it definitely should be done the right way since you also purge.
My advice, thank him for his concern. Agree that you know your eating disorder isn’t okay. Get into therapy and let him know you’ll be working with the therapist to figure out how to do it. Ask if he has suggestions on other ways to be active if you don’t like weightlifting or running or whatever it is he does.
This makes sense and could have something to do with it. Thankyou !