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I think you need to ask him that. Find where that balance is for you two.
It sounds like the two of you have covered quite a bit already .
It may help to talk to the minister or priest of his family church.
Ours almost canceled the wedding when one parent didn’t convert ( wouldn’t recommend!).; but another church happily lets me friend come to church as a proud atheist who likes coffee hour and the singing.
If nothing else it will give you something here to consider.
You also mentioned you adapt to many things when you relocated here. Are there some of your own traditions you want to share with him? Might help you to feel less swamped by his traditions. What holidays/ food / festivities do you love?
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He has got plenty advice what and how should he do. If he doesn't know how to be earnest than maybe he shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place.
Just what does someone have to do for your self-preservation instincts to kick in? Because it's really, really worrying that this wasn't an instant block and move on.
I think you need to take a step back and read again what you wrote here, especially the part where the biological father is in the childs life but doesn't want to fight with her again. Honestly but that would be a big red flag for me and a sign that your fiances character hasn't really come out yet.
What your husband does to you isn’t the same as someone with dementia or cancer or addiction who is disabled by a serious accident. This isn’t some circumstance that’s out of his control when your marriage is otherwise a happy one.
Your husband is controlling is cruel and bigoted. He chooses to be this way and to not listen to you. You can give him credit for changing while acknowledging that it’s not enough and that it doesn’t fix your relationship. Please leave this dude.
You say you're here for advice, but everyone is giving you the very hot truth and you're doing crazy mental gymnastics to refute everything everyone is saying.
As someone who's been in your situation, I get it. You want to believe that he can rise above his past mistakes. But the reality is, if someone doesn't care about hurting you once, they won't care about hurting you again. That's not something you can change. You can't give people the empathy they need to do right by you.
I don’t think it is the smoking. One of those exes has come up trumps, I reckon.
The part about her nude on the couch passed out stands out to me. That’s especially suspicious and needs a clear explanation. Somethings not right here
No youre not. You literally are blaming it all on your gf saying shes insecure and thats what you want to tell Kate??? When you present it in a way thats making you seem like you're being forced to do things by a controlling gf rather than doing it out of respect for your gf and the boundaries every couple needs with potential suitors (gfs friend or not), its a big red flag and sooooo disrespectful to your relationship with your gf.
She's a taker and not a giver. You can give less. (Don't let her rant endlessly.) Just realize she's not going to be someone to support you emotionally when you need it.
At your big girl age … does this seem appropriate to you ? How does it make you feel ?