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Shiner is right, OP! Good advice here. Your fiancĂ© is a predator but … “you can’t rape your wife”. I’m worried about you for when it’s been a month or two for whatever reason, even if that reason is you simply don’t want to. I’m scared – I’ve seen how this plays out and it doesn’t end well for you one day with this guy, I’m sorry.
She told you what she was communicating was important to her. You ignored her for two days. Next time someone you supposedly have feelings for tells you in words that something is important, put your shit down and pay attention to what she is saying, be present, and respond. If you choose to ignore someone when they raise an emotionally important subject, they hear what you’re really saying – that they don’t matter to you.
OP. When your bf was 13, he was abused by his sister who was 19. This is pedophilia.
They have a very twisted relationship and they kept in contact and you. An be sure it happened again. Yhere is power dynamic deeply flawed.
Being sexualized by an adult at that young age, it messed with his psyche and he ended up normalizing adults having sexual intercourse with young teenagers. You say mistakes of the past shouldn't define who we are. But the trauma he's internalized does define who he is. This is why he sought you out when you were 17. Can you, right now, at 20, envision yourself involved with a 15 year old? A 17 year old? Imagine in 7 years, will you think it's normal to have sex with a 17 year old????
He is still involved with his sister. 100%
I don't know. Right now all I can think of is her in bed with someone else without a care in the world. It's all a bit raw for me to process logically, the answer as of right now is I feel sick to my stomach and everything hurts. I want her and at the same time wish I never met her so I wouldn't have to feel this way.
Oh now they’re claiming it was a swinging situation?
Right? No one deserves domestic violence.
I've started to think about my relashionship, and maybe some of the comments are right… It's not like their friendship is taking her from me, we hangout everyday, be it in person or live, she talks to him here and there, they never go out and all… But I still have this sour taste on my mouth, I don't like him, but I'll see what I can do to deal with it
You need to sit down and talk without accusations.
Talk about what you consider loyal behaviour and how you expect fidelity.
Be specific. “For example, sending a kissy face emoji to anyone unrelated is not appropriate. If a man is over familiar with you by calling you “honey” or “sweetie” and you don’t shut it down, then that is disloyal.”
Be clear that you keep the same standards. Ask her if she is willing to maintain these standards if loyalty or not. If she disagrees then part ways, if she agrees, then tell her “thanks for agreeing, I’d like you to shut down your over-stepping coach please. You might not be have noticed, but it’s gotten out of hand.”