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Last week I helped an elderly gentleman apply for a mortgage. He and his wife had worked their whole life and had rented for most of it. Now they get by on social security. He wanted to buy his first home in a retirement community where he was renting. They had a modest amount saved, and when they applied for a loan the best the could manage was 100k traditional or 210 FHA but the community they want to on-line in does not qualify for FHA. The cheapest home available, built in the 1970's less than 1,000 sqft is on market for 189. The home they wanted was priced at 205.
Needless to say he stopped returning my calls. You live! a blessed life, it's sad to see you so dissatisfied with the bounty that's all around you.
I wish you luck in finding what you are looking for going forward.
If she gets back in touch in 3 days, weeks, months, years, then respond from where you are in that moment.
Not a bad way to go about it. I just hate the uncertainty of it all. Thanks.
Consult a divorce attorney. Start documenting and reporting him to the authorities. This sort of behavior is obsessive and can/will escalate quickly.
Get yourself into therapy. There is a lot to unpack, from the infidelity and how this will impact your family relationships.
Nothing you can do or say will change who he is. He's emotionally manipulating you in order to maintain control. This is abuse and him making threats of tracking you are a pathway into threats.
Please inform your closest friends and family of the truth of the matter and his behaviors. You need to feel safe and supported. Look create a safety plan. Look up domestic violence survivor plans.
Run far away
“Honey I didn’t go to the spa to cheat! I just didn’t stop her while she gave me a happy ending!” Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds? Okay now reverse the roles.
Time to set some boundaries. Put your foot down and quit being a doormat.
You are asking him to control how other people act around him. He has no control over that, the same way you have no control over him, his actions, or his thoughts and feelings.
Your buds for control are… controlling. Abusive. Stalkerish. Scary. He's right to tell you he may leave. He might, because your behavior escalates.
Your intrusive thoughts will consume you eventually and you will be a monster neither you nor he recognizes any more. You need to get some therapy to get yourself under control before you do or cause something you will regret forever.
Quit freaking out and just avoid her as much as possible.
Fuck yeah go with her!