121 thoughts on “Polly <3 the very hot live sex chat with hottest babes with a hd cam”
You mentioned he has untreated ADHD – he is not seeing a therapist? That might help so he can learn coping skills to be able to be a more present partner, and learn how to show you he cares about you the way you need him too. Have you heard of ālove languagesā?
Yes his brain is wired differently – yes he is going to need to do things differently – but he needs to figure out what those things are so he can apply them to this relationship.
Iām sorry youāre going through this – I can understand your feelings and frustration and not feeling as though youāre being seen or heard. Hopefully things change for the better.
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There is only one piece of advice you need in this case. That is completely 100% unacceptable. Thereās nothing to discuss; you donāt negotiate with terrorists. A man who would ask that of a woman he just met cannot be trusted to honor any boundary.
wow, thank you for your comment. It has been the only one with reasonable advice.
your right about that, its just if we were living in any other country i wouldnt think about it twice, but over here this sort of stuff matters a lot as people talk a lot and word spreads and its really that aspect I don't like, part of me feels i am being paranoid, and part of me feels like im being justified.
I dont think am judging her, as I dont think what she did is wrong or right, and lord knows i have a lot to be judged for myself. but its just this one thing, also though I have a very very poor dating history.
It does not mean she was always unfaithful and looking for a way out. It really if Iām honest means nothing. She could just be nice. You seem very bothered by it and have no trust in her, therefore breakup.
Itās so bad especially with reflections of cars or buildings. I damaged my left eye when I crushed that side of my face and I have a freckle in the back of it that has to be watched for cancer. Iām certain that if I had dark eyes I wouldnāt have that freckle.
I honestly think boys are dumb and will stay loyal to people theyāve been friends with since kindergarten even if they donāt like them anymore. I donāt think my boyfriend is hiding anything but I donāt think he wants to burn bridges with the dude. Heāll just cut off the relationship quietly.
Ok so hereās the thing, just because he has more time that you doesnāt intrinsically mean that: a) his free time is less important b) heās responsible for your laundry c) he doesnāt do his fair share.
Laundry is largely an inactive chore. Put stuff in washing machine wait an hour. Put into dryer wait an hour. Itās five minutes of work broken up by two hours of down time. And while you might see it as him being unwilling to help maybe he sees it as you being unwilling to spend five mi by Ted doing your own laundry.
Also maybe heās uncomfortable washing your clothes. Sometimes that takes a while to get used to.
Her choosing to āaccept this and get over her discomfortā would be a colossal mistake since this man has shown OP numerous times that this ābest friendā means more to him than she does.
Also, OP never forced him to do anything. She walked away from him and only started dating him after he lied to her about his willingness to not be close to this other woman. She has simply wanted her boundaries respected and while he initially said he was willing to do that for OP, he VERY quickly went back on his word. OP has done nothing wrong here besides staying with him.
I can appreciate that he has preferences around appearance/weight but I donāt think thatās the real issue here. If he wanted to marry you, he would have by now. I think heās happy with the status quo and this is as far as itās going to go. I donāt think he wants to be married or have kids but is too pussy to just say so and thinks he can wait you out til itās just not possible anymore.
OP, any marriage counselor worth their salt will not counsel a couple when there is abuse involved.
Why? Because they know that abusers will try to turn the counselor to their side and the sessions into a weapon of abuse.
Your wife is abusive. You are a victim of emotional abuse.
Take it from another one that the only path forward is divorce. Your kids need it as much as you do. You will need to do your best to get full custody.
Get a lawyer, put together a plan.
If she gets physical again, call 911. File charges. Get a restraining order.
If you live! in a single consent recording state, get a pocket recorder and record all conversations with her.
Take it from another man who was where you are and managed to get full custody.
Did she give you a reason? Did something happen in the past between your female friend and you? Did something happen between your female friend and your gf?
Where in this do you get that he is choosing his family first? OP says he doesn't want to lose what he worked for. That is valid. I'd didn't say her concern wasn't significant. I'm saying that as a married couple, you make sacrifices for each. Life doesn't always end up a sunshine and rainbows. OP is the only person who can decide if she wants to leave her husband.
You attacking me for having an alternate valid opinion adds nothing to the advice OP is getting. Hard ass positions like yours are not justifiable in long term relationships. People make mistakes.
Apologize to him. Acknowledge where you did wrong and make sure not to do it again. Make sure he hears what you say, but that he truly sees your actions in improving yourself. And you have to listen to what he has to say, even if he is mad and is yelling it out, don't cut him off or get defensive. Let him speak out and get it out of his system. Help him day by day with the issue if it rises. This is something you can work with and show him a mistake was made and it won't happen again. I believe you can save this
Hd is attracted to this girl…you are losing your bf OP.
Be prepared to be cheated on, coz he may not wanna break up after 7 years, or, he is willing to break up with you over this girl.
You can also ask him about his actions and your insecurities, immediately when he gets defensive and calling you names , you know his heart is no longer with you.
If I was her, I wouldnāt even want to know. Itās got nothing to do with her or your relationship. You were single, your current girlfriend was single. You hadnāt even met her in person yet right? Youāve done nothing wrong, you donāt need to feel bad your lifeās were separate at the point you were with someone else. It would weird me out if my partner suddenly told me about someone heād slept with before me!
Whatever informed her ghosting, the worst way of handling a breakup, also informs her ongoing wishy washy behaviour most likely. She comes across as pretty emotionally erratic and at the end of the day you just have to accept that you can't read too much into anything she says or does since it's all just part of a bigger mess of how she can't regulate herself properly.
You blocked her, that was the smart choice. Make your peace with it and I suppose pity that she goes through these phases at all.
Dude no there is no friendship to be had with a 17yo. I'm older than this guy. He's my husband's age. My husband would rather die than hang out with a teenager. No offense.
The only teens we hang out with are family members. We have ZERO in common with you guys! He's a grown fucking adult man. This isn't normal and i wouldn't allow it if i was her mom even. This dude could be a creep. Or a rapist. Because again whyyyyyyy would a grown adult want to be friends with a literal child!
I totally agree. I ended a 10-year-long relationship because she wasn't respectful of my need to be alone sometimes. She took it as a personal slight.
Now, I'm with someone who loves that I know that I need that personal space. She steadfastly encourages it and even helps me plan out solo trips. People like that do exist!
She clearly has a thing for your husband. He seems to be doing a good job avoiding her. As long as you two are good, just ignore her. If she asks too personal questions to you, you can shut her down.
Your best move here is therapy ā to recognize when your family is being toxic and get some strategies on how to stand up to them for yourself and any future partners. This relationship is probably 100% over though, unless youāre prepared to cut your family off entirely.
Take it slow, don't “confess feelings” to her until you are sure there is a connection. This could either go great or go horribly. Your lack of relationship experience, while I wouldn't label it a “red flag,” might mean you approach this all wrong and create a mess. Advice is go very slow, and enjoy the things about her that are not outright romantic/sexual.
You don't need proof – you already know. I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat. What a horrible thing for him to do! As absolutely horrible as that is, and believe me it is next level horrible, gaslighting you is much, much worse. this person is extremely toxic and you need to get them out of your life. Like seriously RUN. it's not even worth arguing with him about the cat. Just get out of the relationship and don't look back.
You know that he threw things at your cat – probably there are other things that you could think about that would continue to add evidence for his narcissism or lack of empathy or whatever you want to call it.
Well thatās flag number three first not telling you and then pretending like that person wasnāt invited even though they were there now saying she wonāt unfriend them I think you have a trust issue with your girlfriend because sheās not trustworthy. I would say counseling or boot her. Shady behavior.
You donāt explain. You say NO. You tell him youāre not a sex toy and that if he wants to keep you as his wife, he needs to start thinking about you and treating you with respect. And if he doesnāt, you should get the hell away from him as quickly as possible because he sounds like a creep.
OP, you say you've been married about 3 mos., and he says he's unhappy? Well, start noticing if he isolates you, because he doesn't want you to spend time with friends. What about family? Has he cut off visits or do they on-line far away? Is your phone use monitored? It sounds like he wants you there at his beck and call. He's also using money to manipulate you by not buying groceries and telling you that you need to contribute more. That doesn't work well for a social person. He's going to need to learn how to compromise if your marriage is going to make it. Don't tell him how much you make and always pay yourself first. Start an escape fund, you may need it.
I meant me re: 'delusional'. I'm not here for a fight. I couldn't put 'abusive' in the title, Reddit wouldn't allow it. Of course it's abusive and criminal. But as logical as I am, I am still seeking validation right now because emotions are clouding my view.
Is he chipped? The cat, not the husband? If he belongs to you, heās not your husbands property to give away. Let the person know you intend to involve police if you have to.
Look, it sucks but she isn't willing to do something difficult to be with you. Has she even told her parents that you two are dating and have been for years? Because it sounds like she hasn't. Do you want a partner who won't stand up to her parents, even in her imagination? Is she still mostly dependent on her parents financially? If she truly wanted to be with you, she has options. Instead she's decided she's so scared of her parents' possible disappointment that she'll break it off so she never has to butt heads with them.
She also refuses to believe you when you say you're fine with waiting as long as she needs. She isn't treating you like a partner to work with. She's treating you like a child who has to be controlled “for their own good”. You need to let her go. The sooner you start trying, the sooner it'll stop hurting.
As much as it may hurt now you did the right thing. If you donāt value yourself neither will others. Itās great that you made a difficult decision that in the long run benefits you because you refused to be disrespected and devalued by someone who isnāt worthy of your love.
Your girlfriend is an alcoholic. As the son of an alcoholic, I would just warn you that it's not an easy road. My father eventually died from diabetes due to his drinking. Even in the end, when doctors warned him even one more drink would kill him, he just couldn't stop. I respectfully recommend treading with caution here.
Maybe this is why you were boring and quiet around her, you were with the wrong sibling. ?
Are you doing it for revenge? Because if not, maybe you need to take some time to figure things out for yourself. You donāt mention if youāre bi or have had same-sex attractions before, but if not, thatās another whole layer of complexity added on top of the drama of a breakup. Make sure that youāre ready to take that on, and is he?
If you are bi, or have experience, why not? You are already in the friend zone, perhaps a little more or so it sounds. Just be ready for the blowback, ācuz you know itās coming. ā¹ļø
My boyfriend used to do this. He usually asks me to come to a place to meet and he would literally make me wait from 30minutes to 2hrs. While waiting i always wondered why do i have to waste my time just waiting for him to arrive. Do i have no value whatsover? I would have done some other work rather than waiting for him for hours. Once i snapped when he asked to meet at 9am and slept through the time and replied to me 1hr later still sleepy while i called him and texted him 4-5 times.
I will never wait for someone again if the reason for being late isn't genuine enough.
I think itās because we know what our siblings are like and currently I on-line in New Zealand and they are in Australia so seeing my sister with my in-laws just weirds me out
Why is OP so sure the BFF does not find OP attractive in a prospective mate kind of way? Itās pretty common to fall in love with the best friendās partner, I was there ( close F but not BFF) in HS for a year. Almost stereotypical for the quiet awkward member of the group. I suspect GF has clued into BFFās feelings but OP is oblivious.
As a man I would never comment on the appearance of another woman, even someone on TV, in the presence of an SO or woman I'm interested in. I would say a comment once in a blue moon is okay, annoying but whatever. Constant remarks are concerning. Have you let him know it makes you uncomfortable?
Yeah, that's a good point. I think me leaving is better for me mentally cause I'll probably be happier. Some days are better than others and it also sucks when the person I physically want by my side is 4,000 miles away with a 6 hour time difference. Like yeah, I'm prioritizing my daughter's needs but I also really need to prioritize my needs because right now is not going well.
“I'm sorry, I'm at work and I can't talk about this right now. If you'd like to go for coffee and talk some time, message me and we will set up a time. This isn't appropriate right now though.”
I am glad he didnāt agree on an open relationship with you because even if you were cool with that, that doesnāt mean his long term gf is cool with it and you should care about that. So in the future, be careful about who you offer this kind of relationship to,make sure they do not already have a girlfriend, or you may unwittingly become a source of another womanās pain and I can see you donāt want that.
I read your updates and holycrap, this guy is really a sicko. I am glad you now have the police involved and are taking things seriously. Your safety is most important right now. Once you are fully safe and comfortable, go ahead and let the gf know. She deserves to know before that scumbag gifts her with an incurable STD. For that matter, you should get checked out too.
Agree totally. You shouldn't have to record jack shit but just to shove it in her face on the way out…the whole bunch are AHs from gf to her snotty jealous friend.
We see each other no more than once a week, and talk on the phone every other night or every two nights. Some days we go without talking and unless I have something I want to tell him or I had a bad day
and this is 'mushier than average'…?
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He says that based on his friendsā relationships or his own parentsā, our relationship is mushier than average.
so, a sample size of what, 5 couples? this is “anecdotal evidence”, not “a statistically relevant sample size”. as such, it's great and all, but comparatively meaningless. besides, you're dating him, not his friends. (if those friends jumped off a bridge…)
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How can I make him realize the average couple probably is more enmeshed than we are?
you can't. he's not dumb, or incapable of communication– he gets what you are trying to tell you, he just firmly disagrees. he has a different set of ideals about how a relationship should look.
I can tell you that as a 46-yo man, I'm 1000% more like you. if I had a gf I only saw once a week, she'd probably not remain my gf for long. I'm not mad at it– I just know me, and I require more contact.
Ā
while we're here, I wonder about the mental health aspect of things. that can be an issue, if not dealt with. for example, it is good that he acknowledges his shit, but what is he doing about it?
He then said that heās aware he has a damaging tendency to become distant, apologized and listened to me.
interesting that he is aware that he becomes distant and can't even provide any verbal affection, but at the same time, he says you're too mushy…?
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so yeah– you don't sound like you're on the same page, and it's manifesting as a bad fit. if you can't convince him to compromise, you're left playing by his rules.
I mean, you can let him know that dae giovanni from the internet and his wife are a lot closer to your ideal than his… but I'm guessing that won't mean much to him. I do again wonder if addressing his mental health concerns might help, based on the fact that his issues turn into him being less proactive in the relationship.
And honestly prefer to get a ring tattoo, give him a ring to wear or get me a cheaper ring. Itās not the ring I want, itās the genuine proposal that I really want
Regardless you know he doesn't really value because of the things he says and does and he reserves all of his actual love for his friends you as a woman are an inconvenience all about what you can do for him he doesn't actually love you he just likes what you offer him. He reserves all his feelings of well-being for his friends and in return he doesn't actually care about yours at all
Sweetie, heās not looking for āfriends.ā Heās cheating on you or trying to. A man who dates/marries a significantly younger woman isnāt looking for an actual partner. Heās with you because he can manipulate, gaslight and lie to you.
It depends on your dynamics. In the whole time I've lived with my husband we've split bills proportionate to earnings. If one person is earning 25% of the total household income its disproportionate for them to pay 50% of household expenditure.
So he regularly tries to make you feel guilty for something you can't change (your age/inexperience) and freaks out any time you bring up an unmet need?
I know that you don't want to hear this, but he's not engaging in good faith. He's trying to get you to stop feeling like you have the right to have/articulate needs of your own, like you are just lucky he deigns to date you. He's a creep who has targetted you because of how much younger you are, and he's only going to get more controlling. I'm 32, and the thought of dating 21 year old is gross. Emotionally healthy well intentioned 30 somethings don't want to date 21 year olds. They certainly don't punish them with the silent treatment and threats of the relationship ending for trying to talk about unmet needs. You deserve a relationship with an equal partner who respects you and where you are in life.
It is entirely up to you, however this reads like the end of your 2 year relationship. My suggestion would be end it now and spare yourself the heartache of watching it slowly die over 6 months or less… It'll be all “We'll videochat every day, text every day, share every detail yada yada yada” and then it'll slowly be less texting it'll be too busy to video call and oh I forgot…. Nah focus on your new job dude and your new home.
Ahh yes, a man has never blown up his marriage for something dumbā¦ This is totes a womans issue /s
Not saying that but breakup statistics say that women are more likely to call it quits than men in the US. 76% of women said that they had ended the relationship, just like 62% of men.
I actually did write how I saw our friend's story. I do care and wish the best for him. I do hope the kitten is safe, he doesn't deserve it. Instead, I believe it was due to my friend's negligence that he lost his kitten. Maybe the kitten roamed a little too far. Hopefully, someone is taking care of him and will return him back. I care too much when I shouldn't. I wrote to him that I hope the kitten is safe. It's ok to show that I do care in this incident. This is just my personality. I would even if the person did me wrong. I just won't become close to him again. This text just gives grounds for possibly talking again which I can't have. I'm also reluctant in wishing him happy birthdays. I'm not completely over him.
Iām really proud and happy that you just blocked him. If/when he or a mutual gives you grief about how you ended things tell āem āif you donāt already know why itās over youāre too stupid to be with and itās not worth my time explainingā.
I know many have mentioned therapy. Iām going to say it again but in a different way. Having someone betray you the way he has is a major trauma and getting through it takes grieving the lose of your time as well as grieving parts of yourself lost to his lies and manipulation. I think itās more than āI have low self esteem and let this happen to meā so donāt let that be your mantra or youāll find yourself with another one just like him.
Oh look, someone so utterly delusional that they thrive in it. You were born in delusion, molded by it. You didn't see reality until you were already a woman, by then it was nothing to you but BLINDING! Reality betrays you.
Like many other people have done, I was simply trying to reinforce to the OP that your posts are absolutely ridiculous, shouldnāt be acknowledged, and are full of horrible advice.
You are free to ignore his boundary… you're just not free to face the way he decides to react to it.
If you really think he is being unreasonable not wanting you to “stay at your friend's house and get trashed” while there is another dude wandering around… … … please remember to give us an update where you try to explain that whatever happened was a mistake and wasn't your fault because… ALCOHOL!!!!”.
Perfect (adjective): as good, correct, or accurate as it is possible to be
Him (emotionally) cheating from the start of your relationship is not the definition of perfect in my world. Heās your standard self-serving asshole.
Who cares if he never met his pen pal from Hinge? They they still are emotionally intimate and invested in at least maintaining a level of connectedness.
Heās a 25 year old man and knows what heās doing.
Okayā¦so heās insecure about you leavingāthatās a personal problem, not validation or a reason to cheat on you. A back up plan? Get the fuck outta here with that fucking bullshit. Thatās not how healthy relationships function. He needs serious therapyāhe clearly has trauma to process and is not mature enough for a relationship.
You donāt accidentally sign up for multiple dating apps, create profiles, actively match with women and start some sort of relationship. Do you want to date someone who wanted to and did this in the first place? He had many chances to end things and delete the apps before you caught him. Heās only sorry he was caught.
Heās not going to stop cheating on you. Heās cheated on you basically since yāall became official. And he was back on the apps in less than a week after he was caught for fuckās sake.
There is only a 5 year age gap, but thereās a reason heās dating someone vulnerable. Yāall are in very different life stages and you barely have any life experiences with relationships. Youāre still discovering your needs and wants in a relationship and partner, understanding and setting boundaries. Itās difficult to advocate for yourself to protect your emotional, physical and mental health when youāre still figuring yourself and life out. Also, your brain is literally still developing: rational thinking, emotional regulation, decision making, impulse control.
Donāt let him continue to disrespect you and the relationship. All of his fuckery is the reason women around his age arenāt dating him. They recognized that heās a walking red flag and pass.
Please break up with him. You were a still a teenager last yearāyou have more than enough time to date and find someone who is respectful, emotionally intelligent and available, has integrity, trustworthy, great communication and problem resolution skills. Your bf is an immature, selfish red flag. Dump him.
You should leave. You already adressed you boundaries, and what you want in a relationship. She obviously didn't respect it. There is nothing much you else you can do.
If you were having safe sex then how did you get pregnant ? I know condoms aren't like 100% effective but yeah, didn't you take pills ? Didn't you notice your periods getting delayed or skipped in a month ? Lots of signs which you were ignorant of and you should have thought about all this before , no point in thinking about it now and ask your secret partner if he's interested to marry you and tell him you're pregnant, see how he reacts.
Because her reason is “I'm bearing these children and therefore want them to carry on my identity” and yours is “I feel embarrassed that my family will think I'm not manly.”
Which do you think is a more valid reason? One is based on familial identity, one is based on fragility of ego.
If you want to do the right thing here you will gather the screenshots and send them to the gf. You'd wanna know if you were in her situation right? It's the right thing to do. He's a piece of shit.
That isnāt sexist, so youād stick around and talk it out? While heās screaming and slamming doors and shit? Men donāt do that lol if we tantrum someone is getting hurt, not the doors in my own damn house lol. But this exactly why there is no sexism or double standard, it doesnāt even apply here.
A woman canāt be the problem a man can, so nobody cares how much she wants to tantrum. She can be as mad as she wants, sheās not gnna do anything. Yes, women are annoying when they do that, but so are children. Should we just adopt away our kids in that same case?
Women are not threatening in any way (except maybe if sheās plotting something) so there is nothing wrong here.
You mentioned he has untreated ADHD – he is not seeing a therapist? That might help so he can learn coping skills to be able to be a more present partner, and learn how to show you he cares about you the way you need him too. Have you heard of ālove languagesā?
Yes his brain is wired differently – yes he is going to need to do things differently – but he needs to figure out what those things are so he can apply them to this relationship.
Iām sorry youāre going through this – I can understand your feelings and frustration and not feeling as though youāre being seen or heard. Hopefully things change for the better.
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I agree with her, you're full of shit.
There is only one piece of advice you need in this case. That is completely 100% unacceptable. Thereās nothing to discuss; you donāt negotiate with terrorists. A man who would ask that of a woman he just met cannot be trusted to honor any boundary.
4 years is definitely a long time when it comes to āhaving a crushā. Itās def an obsession on her part.
Once again I am either too high or not high enough for Reddit.
Sheās mad because ā¦ you slept with a pillow.
That is so utterly bizarre.
no. your daughter should know that you picked your husband over her. you dont get to live happy and have a secret like this. you're a piece of shit.
wow, thank you for your comment. It has been the only one with reasonable advice.
your right about that, its just if we were living in any other country i wouldnt think about it twice, but over here this sort of stuff matters a lot as people talk a lot and word spreads and its really that aspect I don't like, part of me feels i am being paranoid, and part of me feels like im being justified.
I dont think am judging her, as I dont think what she did is wrong or right, and lord knows i have a lot to be judged for myself. but its just this one thing, also though I have a very very poor dating history.
It does not mean she was always unfaithful and looking for a way out. It really if Iām honest means nothing. She could just be nice. You seem very bothered by it and have no trust in her, therefore breakup.
Itās so bad especially with reflections of cars or buildings. I damaged my left eye when I crushed that side of my face and I have a freckle in the back of it that has to be watched for cancer. Iām certain that if I had dark eyes I wouldnāt have that freckle.
I honestly think boys are dumb and will stay loyal to people theyāve been friends with since kindergarten even if they donāt like them anymore. I donāt think my boyfriend is hiding anything but I donāt think he wants to burn bridges with the dude. Heāll just cut off the relationship quietly.
How much could she thought it was? Seriously? You donāt get up to 306 without some idea.
I wonder if this could be considered an eating disorder? Guy needs therapy for sure regardless
Ok so hereās the thing, just because he has more time that you doesnāt intrinsically mean that: a) his free time is less important b) heās responsible for your laundry c) he doesnāt do his fair share.
Laundry is largely an inactive chore. Put stuff in washing machine wait an hour. Put into dryer wait an hour. Itās five minutes of work broken up by two hours of down time. And while you might see it as him being unwilling to help maybe he sees it as you being unwilling to spend five mi by Ted doing your own laundry.
Also maybe heās uncomfortable washing your clothes. Sometimes that takes a while to get used to.
Her choosing to āaccept this and get over her discomfortā would be a colossal mistake since this man has shown OP numerous times that this ābest friendā means more to him than she does.
Also, OP never forced him to do anything. She walked away from him and only started dating him after he lied to her about his willingness to not be close to this other woman. She has simply wanted her boundaries respected and while he initially said he was willing to do that for OP, he VERY quickly went back on his word. OP has done nothing wrong here besides staying with him.
I can appreciate that he has preferences around appearance/weight but I donāt think thatās the real issue here. If he wanted to marry you, he would have by now. I think heās happy with the status quo and this is as far as itās going to go. I donāt think he wants to be married or have kids but is too pussy to just say so and thinks he can wait you out til itās just not possible anymore.
OP, any marriage counselor worth their salt will not counsel a couple when there is abuse involved.
Why? Because they know that abusers will try to turn the counselor to their side and the sessions into a weapon of abuse.
Your wife is abusive. You are a victim of emotional abuse.
Take it from another one that the only path forward is divorce. Your kids need it as much as you do. You will need to do your best to get full custody.
Get a lawyer, put together a plan.
If she gets physical again, call 911. File charges. Get a restraining order.
If you live! in a single consent recording state, get a pocket recorder and record all conversations with her.
Take it from another man who was where you are and managed to get full custody.
Did she give you a reason? Did something happen in the past between your female friend and you? Did something happen between your female friend and your gf?
There are some Infos missing.
Where in this do you get that he is choosing his family first? OP says he doesn't want to lose what he worked for. That is valid. I'd didn't say her concern wasn't significant. I'm saying that as a married couple, you make sacrifices for each. Life doesn't always end up a sunshine and rainbows. OP is the only person who can decide if she wants to leave her husband.
You attacking me for having an alternate valid opinion adds nothing to the advice OP is getting. Hard ass positions like yours are not justifiable in long term relationships. People make mistakes.
Apologize to him. Acknowledge where you did wrong and make sure not to do it again. Make sure he hears what you say, but that he truly sees your actions in improving yourself. And you have to listen to what he has to say, even if he is mad and is yelling it out, don't cut him off or get defensive. Let him speak out and get it out of his system. Help him day by day with the issue if it rises. This is something you can work with and show him a mistake was made and it won't happen again. I believe you can save this
Then make a decision with the idea heās not involved when he canāt even give his opinion. Do YOU want a child or not.
OP cheated on him and now he is breaking out in hives.
Oh, yes. I forgot that one. “The love of my life is almost old enough to be my grandfather, and we met when I was in high school.”
Or rather like the concept of the relationship, sorry
Hd is attracted to this girl…you are losing your bf OP.
Be prepared to be cheated on, coz he may not wanna break up after 7 years, or, he is willing to break up with you over this girl.
You can also ask him about his actions and your insecurities, immediately when he gets defensive and calling you names , you know his heart is no longer with you.
Not really. For whatever reason, you've chosen to pursue guys who weren't into you. That's seldom just because of looks.
If I was her, I wouldnāt even want to know. Itās got nothing to do with her or your relationship. You were single, your current girlfriend was single. You hadnāt even met her in person yet right? Youāve done nothing wrong, you donāt need to feel bad your lifeās were separate at the point you were with someone else. It would weird me out if my partner suddenly told me about someone heād slept with before me!
When I'm bored I go for a bike ride or smoke some weed and read a book.
I don't look for opportunities to cheat on my girlfriend.
How would you feel if he called you a fat lard in front of all of your friends? You knew it was mean and hurtful.
Whatever informed her ghosting, the worst way of handling a breakup, also informs her ongoing wishy washy behaviour most likely. She comes across as pretty emotionally erratic and at the end of the day you just have to accept that you can't read too much into anything she says or does since it's all just part of a bigger mess of how she can't regulate herself properly.
You blocked her, that was the smart choice. Make your peace with it and I suppose pity that she goes through these phases at all.
Okay, comic book hero. Back to your hentai now. I don't argue with children and now that I know you are you probably shouldn't be up this late.
Dude no there is no friendship to be had with a 17yo. I'm older than this guy. He's my husband's age. My husband would rather die than hang out with a teenager. No offense.
The only teens we hang out with are family members. We have ZERO in common with you guys! He's a grown fucking adult man. This isn't normal and i wouldn't allow it if i was her mom even. This dude could be a creep. Or a rapist. Because again whyyyyyyy would a grown adult want to be friends with a literal child!
She is bisexual. Iāve clarified this in another comment. It was her idea.
I totally agree. I ended a 10-year-long relationship because she wasn't respectful of my need to be alone sometimes. She took it as a personal slight.
Now, I'm with someone who loves that I know that I need that personal space. She steadfastly encourages it and even helps me plan out solo trips. People like that do exist!
She clearly has a thing for your husband. He seems to be doing a good job avoiding her. As long as you two are good, just ignore her. If she asks too personal questions to you, you can shut her down.
Yes, you are.
Wtf. Fixing.
Your best move here is therapy ā to recognize when your family is being toxic and get some strategies on how to stand up to them for yourself and any future partners. This relationship is probably 100% over though, unless youāre prepared to cut your family off entirely.
Take it slow, don't “confess feelings” to her until you are sure there is a connection. This could either go great or go horribly. Your lack of relationship experience, while I wouldn't label it a “red flag,” might mean you approach this all wrong and create a mess. Advice is go very slow, and enjoy the things about her that are not outright romantic/sexual.
Dont misunderstand this. We've known each other for around 3 months. I've been interested for a while, but the feeling didnt feel mutual.
You don't need proof – you already know. I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat. What a horrible thing for him to do! As absolutely horrible as that is, and believe me it is next level horrible, gaslighting you is much, much worse. this person is extremely toxic and you need to get them out of your life. Like seriously RUN. it's not even worth arguing with him about the cat. Just get out of the relationship and don't look back.
You know that he threw things at your cat – probably there are other things that you could think about that would continue to add evidence for his narcissism or lack of empathy or whatever you want to call it.
Well thatās flag number three first not telling you and then pretending like that person wasnāt invited even though they were there now saying she wonāt unfriend them I think you have a trust issue with your girlfriend because sheās not trustworthy. I would say counseling or boot her. Shady behavior.
You donāt explain. You say NO. You tell him youāre not a sex toy and that if he wants to keep you as his wife, he needs to start thinking about you and treating you with respect. And if he doesnāt, you should get the hell away from him as quickly as possible because he sounds like a creep.
He does see a therapist and he has gotton super far with his depression, but over 4 years, still not far enough to make me feel desired
OP, you say you've been married about 3 mos., and he says he's unhappy? Well, start noticing if he isolates you, because he doesn't want you to spend time with friends. What about family? Has he cut off visits or do they on-line far away? Is your phone use monitored? It sounds like he wants you there at his beck and call. He's also using money to manipulate you by not buying groceries and telling you that you need to contribute more. That doesn't work well for a social person. He's going to need to learn how to compromise if your marriage is going to make it. Don't tell him how much you make and always pay yourself first. Start an escape fund, you may need it.
Nice writing exercise. Covered most of the bait post tropes:
-age gap. 20 year old guy with a 16 year old girl -domestic violence -Incest -ignoring the red flags
All it needed was a pushy mother in law to cap the whole thing off.
I meant me re: 'delusional'. I'm not here for a fight. I couldn't put 'abusive' in the title, Reddit wouldn't allow it. Of course it's abusive and criminal. But as logical as I am, I am still seeking validation right now because emotions are clouding my view.
Is he chipped? The cat, not the husband? If he belongs to you, heās not your husbands property to give away. Let the person know you intend to involve police if you have to.
Have you talk to her about it?
Thereās no harm in looking. You have insecurities and violated his privacy. Work on you, heās not the issue.
Yea I thought that I could just surprise her as I didn't want to ruin anything by outwardly asking her but now I know that would've been better
you two got married too young. time to break up and let her explore her sexuality.
Break up with your fiancĆ©, he doesnāt deserve the shit storm youāre going to put him through.
Look, it sucks but she isn't willing to do something difficult to be with you. Has she even told her parents that you two are dating and have been for years? Because it sounds like she hasn't. Do you want a partner who won't stand up to her parents, even in her imagination? Is she still mostly dependent on her parents financially? If she truly wanted to be with you, she has options. Instead she's decided she's so scared of her parents' possible disappointment that she'll break it off so she never has to butt heads with them.
She also refuses to believe you when you say you're fine with waiting as long as she needs. She isn't treating you like a partner to work with. She's treating you like a child who has to be controlled “for their own good”. You need to let her go. The sooner you start trying, the sooner it'll stop hurting.
Sounds like an emotional affair. What you beg of them, they give freely to others.
So, will he run back to her should she change her stance on having kids?
Looks like it.
He already chose her and told you so.
Time to wake up.
As much as it may hurt now you did the right thing. If you donāt value yourself neither will others. Itās great that you made a difficult decision that in the long run benefits you because you refused to be disrespected and devalued by someone who isnāt worthy of your love.
i understand weāre not in a relationship but sleeping in the same bed is a big thing. also yes scottish. im on the central belt
Your girlfriend is an alcoholic. As the son of an alcoholic, I would just warn you that it's not an easy road. My father eventually died from diabetes due to his drinking. Even in the end, when doctors warned him even one more drink would kill him, he just couldn't stop. I respectfully recommend treading with caution here.
Maybe this is why you were boring and quiet around her, you were with the wrong sibling. ?
Are you doing it for revenge? Because if not, maybe you need to take some time to figure things out for yourself. You donāt mention if youāre bi or have had same-sex attractions before, but if not, thatās another whole layer of complexity added on top of the drama of a breakup. Make sure that youāre ready to take that on, and is he?
If you are bi, or have experience, why not? You are already in the friend zone, perhaps a little more or so it sounds. Just be ready for the blowback, ācuz you know itās coming. ā¹ļø
Okay pedo defender
My boyfriend used to do this. He usually asks me to come to a place to meet and he would literally make me wait from 30minutes to 2hrs. While waiting i always wondered why do i have to waste my time just waiting for him to arrive. Do i have no value whatsover? I would have done some other work rather than waiting for him for hours. Once i snapped when he asked to meet at 9am and slept through the time and replied to me 1hr later still sleepy while i called him and texted him 4-5 times.
I will never wait for someone again if the reason for being late isn't genuine enough.
I think itās because we know what our siblings are like and currently I on-line in New Zealand and they are in Australia so seeing my sister with my in-laws just weirds me out
Why is OP so sure the BFF does not find OP attractive in a prospective mate kind of way? Itās pretty common to fall in love with the best friendās partner, I was there ( close F but not BFF) in HS for a year. Almost stereotypical for the quiet awkward member of the group. I suspect GF has clued into BFFās feelings but OP is oblivious.
As a man I would never comment on the appearance of another woman, even someone on TV, in the presence of an SO or woman I'm interested in. I would say a comment once in a blue moon is okay, annoying but whatever. Constant remarks are concerning. Have you let him know it makes you uncomfortable?
Yeah, that's a good point. I think me leaving is better for me mentally cause I'll probably be happier. Some days are better than others and it also sucks when the person I physically want by my side is 4,000 miles away with a 6 hour time difference. Like yeah, I'm prioritizing my daughter's needs but I also really need to prioritize my needs because right now is not going well.
I think you need to just tell her:
“I'm sorry, I'm at work and I can't talk about this right now. If you'd like to go for coffee and talk some time, message me and we will set up a time. This isn't appropriate right now though.”
I am glad he didnāt agree on an open relationship with you because even if you were cool with that, that doesnāt mean his long term gf is cool with it and you should care about that. So in the future, be careful about who you offer this kind of relationship to,make sure they do not already have a girlfriend, or you may unwittingly become a source of another womanās pain and I can see you donāt want that.
I read your updates and holycrap, this guy is really a sicko. I am glad you now have the police involved and are taking things seriously. Your safety is most important right now. Once you are fully safe and comfortable, go ahead and let the gf know. She deserves to know before that scumbag gifts her with an incurable STD. For that matter, you should get checked out too.
OP you are the a hole! Wow your poor daughter ā¹ļø
Itās not his body or boundary to cross major red flags ? Tell him āmy body my choice if you donāt like ot then leaveā
Agree totally. You shouldn't have to record jack shit but just to shove it in her face on the way out…the whole bunch are AHs from gf to her snotty jealous friend.
Iām currently in NC with him. I cant really break up with him either because itās a āsituationshipā
We see each other no more than once a week, and talk on the phone every other night or every two nights. Some days we go without talking and unless I have something I want to tell him or I had a bad day
and this is 'mushier than average'…?
Ā
He says that based on his friendsā relationships or his own parentsā, our relationship is mushier than average.
so, a sample size of what, 5 couples? this is “anecdotal evidence”, not “a statistically relevant sample size”. as such, it's great and all, but comparatively meaningless. besides, you're dating him, not his friends. (if those friends jumped off a bridge…)
Ā
How can I make him realize the average couple probably is more enmeshed than we are?
you can't. he's not dumb, or incapable of communication– he gets what you are trying to tell you, he just firmly disagrees. he has a different set of ideals about how a relationship should look.
I can tell you that as a 46-yo man, I'm 1000% more like you. if I had a gf I only saw once a week, she'd probably not remain my gf for long. I'm not mad at it– I just know me, and I require more contact.
Ā
while we're here, I wonder about the mental health aspect of things. that can be an issue, if not dealt with. for example, it is good that he acknowledges his shit, but what is he doing about it?
He then said that heās aware he has a damaging tendency to become distant, apologized and listened to me.
interesting that he is aware that he becomes distant and can't even provide any verbal affection, but at the same time, he says you're too mushy…?
Ā
so yeah– you don't sound like you're on the same page, and it's manifesting as a bad fit. if you can't convince him to compromise, you're left playing by his rules.
I mean, you can let him know that dae giovanni from the internet and his wife are a lot closer to your ideal than his… but I'm guessing that won't mean much to him. I do again wonder if addressing his mental health concerns might help, based on the fact that his issues turn into him being less proactive in the relationship.
And honestly prefer to get a ring tattoo, give him a ring to wear or get me a cheaper ring. Itās not the ring I want, itās the genuine proposal that I really want
You miss this part?
Kick her out
I don't get why people who break up just don't do this? You have no kids in common, you hate the relationship so why do you continue it?
You are obligated to her anymore.
Run
Huh? Heās 36 years old. And yet OP is 38. She may not have time being on her side. He tricked her after 12 years. Your point is irrelevant.
Regardless you know he doesn't really value because of the things he says and does and he reserves all of his actual love for his friends you as a woman are an inconvenience all about what you can do for him he doesn't actually love you he just likes what you offer him. He reserves all his feelings of well-being for his friends and in return he doesn't actually care about yours at all
Sweetie, heās not looking for āfriends.ā Heās cheating on you or trying to. A man who dates/marries a significantly younger woman isnāt looking for an actual partner. Heās with you because he can manipulate, gaslight and lie to you.
It depends on your dynamics. In the whole time I've lived with my husband we've split bills proportionate to earnings. If one person is earning 25% of the total household income its disproportionate for them to pay 50% of household expenditure.
So he regularly tries to make you feel guilty for something you can't change (your age/inexperience) and freaks out any time you bring up an unmet need?
I know that you don't want to hear this, but he's not engaging in good faith. He's trying to get you to stop feeling like you have the right to have/articulate needs of your own, like you are just lucky he deigns to date you. He's a creep who has targetted you because of how much younger you are, and he's only going to get more controlling. I'm 32, and the thought of dating 21 year old is gross. Emotionally healthy well intentioned 30 somethings don't want to date 21 year olds. They certainly don't punish them with the silent treatment and threats of the relationship ending for trying to talk about unmet needs. You deserve a relationship with an equal partner who respects you and where you are in life.
Thatās disgusting
It is entirely up to you, however this reads like the end of your 2 year relationship. My suggestion would be end it now and spare yourself the heartache of watching it slowly die over 6 months or less… It'll be all “We'll videochat every day, text every day, share every detail yada yada yada” and then it'll slowly be less texting it'll be too busy to video call and oh I forgot…. Nah focus on your new job dude and your new home.
Ahh yes, a man has never blown up his marriage for something dumbā¦ This is totes a womans issue /s
Not saying that but breakup statistics say that women are more likely to call it quits than men in the US. 76% of women said that they had ended the relationship, just like 62% of men.
I actually did write how I saw our friend's story. I do care and wish the best for him. I do hope the kitten is safe, he doesn't deserve it. Instead, I believe it was due to my friend's negligence that he lost his kitten. Maybe the kitten roamed a little too far. Hopefully, someone is taking care of him and will return him back. I care too much when I shouldn't. I wrote to him that I hope the kitten is safe. It's ok to show that I do care in this incident. This is just my personality. I would even if the person did me wrong. I just won't become close to him again. This text just gives grounds for possibly talking again which I can't have. I'm also reluctant in wishing him happy birthdays. I'm not completely over him.
Why are you putting up with his shit?
Iām really proud and happy that you just blocked him. If/when he or a mutual gives you grief about how you ended things tell āem āif you donāt already know why itās over youāre too stupid to be with and itās not worth my time explainingā.
I know many have mentioned therapy. Iām going to say it again but in a different way. Having someone betray you the way he has is a major trauma and getting through it takes grieving the lose of your time as well as grieving parts of yourself lost to his lies and manipulation. I think itās more than āI have low self esteem and let this happen to meā so donāt let that be your mantra or youāll find yourself with another one just like him.
Oh look, someone so utterly delusional that they thrive in it. You were born in delusion, molded by it. You didn't see reality until you were already a woman, by then it was nothing to you but BLINDING! Reality betrays you.
Like many other people have done, I was simply trying to reinforce to the OP that your posts are absolutely ridiculous, shouldnāt be acknowledged, and are full of horrible advice.
Take care
She knows that already.
She knows that already.
The point is that she lied though, and could very well have been 17 when they started dating (if sheās even currently telling the truth).
Olivia he doesnāt care to talk to me anymore. Is bombarding him remotely normal? Iād love to date him?
He's showing you he's a misogynist.
I do appreciate this, Carmen, and will definitely give it thought
Yikes. I know it may be very hot to do or hear but you need to leave her. Sheās nothing but trouble.
Yes.
Not even a child should be taught to rampage and boss their parents around as they please.
I had almost those same complaints about my husband.
Mine ended up cheating on me and leaving for his affair partner. I hope your husband isn't cheating.
Cheers!
Maybe try to remember that you're supposed to love her for what's inside her skin.
I think sheād tell me, pal. If not, then maybe sheās not the one.
You are free to ignore his boundary… you're just not free to face the way he decides to react to it.
If you really think he is being unreasonable not wanting you to “stay at your friend's house and get trashed” while there is another dude wandering around… … … please remember to give us an update where you try to explain that whatever happened was a mistake and wasn't your fault because… ALCOHOL!!!!”.
We wait with bated breath and popcorn. ?
Iām guessing he doesnāt like when you do things for yourself, he sees you being your own person as a threat to himself and your relationship.
Happy cake day
He exposed you to an incurable STD after cheating on you for over half a year. Why the fuck would you want to stay with him?!
Ask him how many years he has been a woman and does he have references.
Why is he handling your fragile things to begin with? Can he possibly just… Not touch them at all?
Oh nah if that was my girl I would have ended it Straight away
This u fuck around and you will find out. Dude wasnt comfortable with it but his opinion and respect came second to what YOU wanted OP.
You put yourself in this position.
Perfect (adjective): as good, correct, or accurate as it is possible to be
Him (emotionally) cheating from the start of your relationship is not the definition of perfect in my world. Heās your standard self-serving asshole.
Who cares if he never met his pen pal from Hinge? They they still are emotionally intimate and invested in at least maintaining a level of connectedness.
Heās a 25 year old man and knows what heās doing.
Okayā¦so heās insecure about you leavingāthatās a personal problem, not validation or a reason to cheat on you. A back up plan? Get the fuck outta here with that fucking bullshit. Thatās not how healthy relationships function. He needs serious therapyāhe clearly has trauma to process and is not mature enough for a relationship.
You donāt accidentally sign up for multiple dating apps, create profiles, actively match with women and start some sort of relationship. Do you want to date someone who wanted to and did this in the first place? He had many chances to end things and delete the apps before you caught him. Heās only sorry he was caught.
Heās not going to stop cheating on you. Heās cheated on you basically since yāall became official. And he was back on the apps in less than a week after he was caught for fuckās sake.
There is only a 5 year age gap, but thereās a reason heās dating someone vulnerable. Yāall are in very different life stages and you barely have any life experiences with relationships. Youāre still discovering your needs and wants in a relationship and partner, understanding and setting boundaries. Itās difficult to advocate for yourself to protect your emotional, physical and mental health when youāre still figuring yourself and life out. Also, your brain is literally still developing: rational thinking, emotional regulation, decision making, impulse control.
Donāt let him continue to disrespect you and the relationship. All of his fuckery is the reason women around his age arenāt dating him. They recognized that heās a walking red flag and pass.
Please break up with him. You were a still a teenager last yearāyou have more than enough time to date and find someone who is respectful, emotionally intelligent and available, has integrity, trustworthy, great communication and problem resolution skills. Your bf is an immature, selfish red flag. Dump him.
There ia no religion in the world would accept out of marriage relationship, much less infidelity towards spouses, which your bf is asking of you.
In his culture, he is turning you the woman he so called 'love', into a whore.
Is this the kind of man that you want to put your love in?..what a waste..OP, you are given a brain by God…please think logically.
Just leavr this guy and find yourself someone you can be together openly.
You should leave. You already adressed you boundaries, and what you want in a relationship. She obviously didn't respect it. There is nothing much you else you can do.
If you were having safe sex then how did you get pregnant ? I know condoms aren't like 100% effective but yeah, didn't you take pills ? Didn't you notice your periods getting delayed or skipped in a month ? Lots of signs which you were ignorant of and you should have thought about all this before , no point in thinking about it now and ask your secret partner if he's interested to marry you and tell him you're pregnant, see how he reacts.
Because her reason is “I'm bearing these children and therefore want them to carry on my identity” and yours is “I feel embarrassed that my family will think I'm not manly.”
Which do you think is a more valid reason? One is based on familial identity, one is based on fragility of ego.
How about your gf growing up a little and acting a little more mature. Her response is totally ridiculous..
Congrats on the good interview! Good luck getting that job!
If you want to do the right thing here you will gather the screenshots and send them to the gf. You'd wanna know if you were in her situation right? It's the right thing to do. He's a piece of shit.
You need to leave him. Those are red flags all around. Even when he's sober. Crazy red flags.
That isnāt sexist, so youād stick around and talk it out? While heās screaming and slamming doors and shit? Men donāt do that lol if we tantrum someone is getting hurt, not the doors in my own damn house lol. But this exactly why there is no sexism or double standard, it doesnāt even apply here.
A woman canāt be the problem a man can, so nobody cares how much she wants to tantrum. She can be as mad as she wants, sheās not gnna do anything. Yes, women are annoying when they do that, but so are children. Should we just adopt away our kids in that same case?
Women are not threatening in any way (except maybe if sheās plotting something) so there is nothing wrong here.
Unless he have kids, and then you have to be next in line!
Huh. So basically, you do have friends that cheat. They just know how to keep their mouths shut.