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I beg to differ; equal standing is a huge crux of successful poly relationships because without it, there can be little foundation for fair treatment and proper respect.
Equality is not needed for fairness. Equity is.
This difference of “wow wait so what? It doesn't have to be equal? And that's okay?” is a more advanced level of poly-awareness than most start out with, so again, so I don't blame someone for not automatically knowing it if you haven't been exposed to real-world poly situations.
If you don't know this kind of thing about poly, it may be better to leave the poly questions aside and answer the other ones you find on this forum.
a lot of the problems here have arisen because the GF clearly either doesn't care as much for her husband, or she doesn't particularly care much for either.
Feels like projection. There are other possibilities to explain GF's actions, such as… ignorance. Due to lack of communication.
Disagree, the whole way she has treated her BF is disrespectful.
Okay, but not all 'disrespect' is malicious or intentional.
If you have to fight for fair & decent treatment in a relationship, its not a good relationship.
You're right…so make it better. I think that's the key point you're not getting.
All you're really doing, ultimately, is reiterating “there's a problem here.”
So, that implies that her family is also unpredictable.
Dude, you don't even want to live! with her yet came in the comments like “but WE plan, but WE wanted”.
Bruh.
It's clear you're pissed things are not going your way.
Her wanting a puppy is not “unpredictable”. Her family getting that puppy is not “unpredictable”.
It's a family falling in love with a pupper.
And you are trying to insert your opinion where you should have none. Zero.
You don't want to online with her (cut the crap, it's in your post).
You don't on-line with her.
You're not her fiancé.
You are not her momma and daddy.
You ain't paying for that pup.
It doesn't involve you as per se at this point.
Maybe, and just maybe, once you have a co-signed, you can discuss this issue.
For now? Know your place.
The fact you were teens when you got together doesn't mean much in terms of her autonomy. She made a decision for her living arrangements.
Does it involve you?
No.
No, it’s a pragmatic take to avoid hopping on the slippery slope to an emotional affair. No, it doesn’t automatically lead to that. But it can lead to emotional bonding over relationship issues and it’s playing with fire.
The kid will live! with their father?
Do you not understand that having this kid that you plan to treat differently from your own children might be a problem? Can you see that treating this kid like they’re not your family – even though they’ll never know a life without you – might screw the kid up? What if the kid looks just like their dad? Is that going to piss you off? When your wife needs help with this baby are you going to say “Too bad. That’s not my kid. Shoulda thought about that before you screwed someone else.” Can you imagine that attitude might harm your relationship and marriage?
If you’re not willing to treat this kid as though it were your own whenever it’s with you, you’re going to have serious problems throughout your marriage.
Yeah. I’m out after that. I have no desire to try and come back from that with anyone.