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Justin and Cassidy, y.o.
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Exactly. There’s no guarantee he won’t back them up before “deleting” if OP asks first and honestly she would do a favor to the ex since it’s a really icky situation for both women.
Or maybe she was trying to hide it but failing. She was there for her sister. She has been LC/NC with her parents in support for her sister. Her outing her sisters gf was an accident. The parents overheard. They are the only ones responsible for how they reacted. The sister also had some responsibility for how it started. She could have kept quiet instead of making a thing when OP mentioned period pains. Half the population get them, it’s natural and shouldn’t, in this day and age, be an awkward subject. The sister and her gf shouldn’t have taken it personally, knowing at that time she didn’t know that she wasn’t born female.
I have a different take. But I agree with you that it’s not all his wife’s fault. That he shouldn’t be evasive with her or lie. Not about little stuff and definitely not about this. Hopefully he’ll get more assertive and she’ll learn how to support more psychological safety.
I think he sounds reasonably mature, just with a character flaw of conflict avoidance. He doesn’t sound defensive or evasive in his post or comments. I don’t see where he sounds unwilling to work on his own stuff. He said he’s going back into therapy and is considering how to limit his friendship, maybe just temporarily.
It also sounds like he and his wife don’t have the best relationship. When he said he doesn’t enjoy being with her – ouch. As he/they work on his/their stuff, I wonder whether they’ll grow closer together or decide they’re a bad match.