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This sounds so very hot. Caregiver burnout is real and sounds like that’s what you’re navigating right now.
Before you do anything too drastic, I’d suggest getting yourself some support. Find a counselor if you don’t have one (even if you continue to want to leave the relationship – especially then! – you’ll need the support of a good counselor).
I also hope you can find a home health aide or part time housekeeper to provide some support at home with chores and caring for your wife. I know you mention money is tight but there might be some grants or sliding scale pay arrangements or something you can find.
Once those pieces are in place, hopefully things will start to feel more manageable.
That said, it is still completely valid to want to move on from a relationship that is no longer serving you. I don’t want to pretend that you don’t know what you want yet. But regardless of what your next steps end up being, I think you’ll really benefit from having those extra supports in place. Best of luck ❤️
I know I’m worried if I break up that I won’t be able to get him to move out…
A solid no is just fine. I don't talk to my parents much so I expect my brother to inherit anything left. Your brother/SIL can't decide that they want nothing to do with him, but still demand/want/etc his money. Even if they are owed it for some reason or think they are. I agree, with the others here definitely get a lawyer to talk all this out with.
As an older adult like maybe you don’t realize how bad this is but this is truly no recovery territory. If I was your gf I would be completely mortified and going to AA. Lots of people drunk when they’re young but not many people act like this. Your gf either has a problem or is a massive asshole.
Cut your losses and dump him now. If you’re sexually active with him, then it’s only a matter of time before his poor hygiene starts giving you UTIs and bladder/kidney infections over and over.
Is this how he's going to behave everytime you guys have an argument? Just run off, ghost and cheat? You weren't on a break, he didn't break up with you so now he's for sure cheated.
Also his blow up at you being upset that he didn't disclose his relationship with his friend prior to moving her in is highly sus. He was in the wrong for doing that but made you feel bad for your reaction instead of owning up to what he did. I'm guessing that she told you because he probably told her that he'd told you and she realised that he didn't. Lots of people would consider withholding that information break up worthy alone, add the extra cheating and it's double break up.
Up to you if you think you can trust him after this.