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Face to face is the right thing I'd say. OP should wait and gather their thoughts and what they're expecting out of this fling, money or coparenting.
I totally agree with this. He is well within his rights to be mad about her lying to him. However, that's not what OP is mad about. He's literally mad about the number. The fact that he isn't mad about the lying tells you that they had no business getting married to begin with.
How so?
Mere exposure effect. You lived with him. He spent hours listening to you. He spent a large amount of time with you, in a relatively short period. He developed feelings for you as a result. This happens, and unfortunately it happens more often when you are younger, and don't recognize the signs.
I actually had to deal with my own feelings for a friend; she is the only woman I routinely talk to outside my family. My dating life has been practically zero for the last few years. I have a friend I would hang out with live!, probably 2-3 times a week. I was lonely and she was so sweet and kind to me.
But I recognized that my loneliness and frequent exposure to her had influenced me unduly. So instead of confessing, I worked through my feelings while rationalizing the many problems that would come from us dating. I worked through my feelings and sorted them out. Then, a few days ago, I happened to be talking to her. She asked “you interested?” in a certain context that made it seem like, to my groggy, early morning, and socially inept mind, if she was asking if I wanted to date her. It wasn't, to be clear, I just had a massive misunderstanding.
I told her the truth; that I had had feelings for her, but I worked through them. We had a long discussion and we decided we wouldn't let it affect our relationship. But towards the end I did ask, out of curiosity, if she would have said yes had I confessed to her. She told me the thought had actually crossed her mind at one point, but she said our age difference was an issue for her. Which I accepted and we are still friends now.
The fact that he had feelings for you is not surprising. The fact that you rejected him is fine. His handling of the rejection is the issue at the heart of the whole conflict. And I am going to guess that has to do with maturity, or the lack there of, from his age. If you want to save the relationship with him, the best thing you can do is have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that you are immensely grateful for all that he did, but you are not in the proper place to date someone, and you simply do not see him the same way he sees you. That you want to be friends, and then ask him if he can move forward now, needs some space for a bit, or if he cannot handle the rejection and you cna no longer be friends
Glad that things are working out for you OP. Thanks for the update.
Having a social life and cheating on your “immature” 26 year old wife are 2 different things. Anyone warn you that he might not be super great when you guys started dating or were all of your friends and family on board with you dating someone almost 20 years your senior?
There is no such thing as a “one true soulmate” and at this point you should cut your losses and move on. You’re only clinging to him because you’re scared of the unknown, not because he’s actually the best thing out there. You’ve broken up not once but twice now and that’s a really bad sign. You need to move on because this relationship seems dead to me.