By your own words you were emotionally abusive. She has moved on, she didn’t cheat, she just found someone else. Even if she did cheat, what does it matter now. You truly want what’s best for your son? Then figure out how to coparent. Let her live! her life without your emotional manipulation. You getting “closure” will cause her pain. You trying to break up her relationships will cause her pain. You are only focusing on your happiness at the detriment to hers and you are using your child to justify that.
Get some therapy, work on yourself, and accept that the romantic part of your relationship is over. Accept that you can coparent in separate households or sign away your parental rights.
He could be great if he wants to be? And he's “great when he's in a good mood”, right? And “he's so nice when he's nice”, and “he has such potential to be great (even though he mostly isn't)”. You see what you're saying right? You're swimming in a pool of red flags. Take care of your daughter and leave him be.
Well, your relationship is over. As soon as she starts falsely accusing you of things, trust is completely gone. Now you need to talk to a lawyer, explain the situation to them, and prepare for a shitshow, because, if you break up with her, or even stay with her, she'll claim to others that you raped her. You can't touch her again….. EVER….
If she was invested in this relationship, she just shot herself in the foot, because she just destroyed it.
Yeah, so you claim that he is “a very loving boyfriend” that you feel like you are the perfect match. But I do not see it. At all.
There is NOTHING in your post that screams “loving boyfriend” or “perfect match”.
What your post does show:
He refused to put any effort into visiting you.
He demands so much of your attention, that he is impacting on your quality of life. And he doesn’t care.
He is emotionally manipulative & so insecure, he thinks that you not immediately responding to messages means you are breaking up with him.
He objects to every decision that you make (that realistically, are really none of his business).
He says and does things that he KNOWS will upset you, but makes you feel bad because he is upset at how you reacted.
Hun, what you described goes beyond basic “clinginess”. He is emotionally manipulative & insecure and is trying to use that to control what you do, and make you feel bad for upsetting him.
You can’t fix his insecurities. He has to. But it seems pretty obvious he has zero desire & wants to make them your problems, not his.
Exactly. So you can’t say for sure that it’s more often than not. There’s evidence for both sides, and experiences on both sides. You’re just making a claim and trying to place it as fact. You’re making a blanket statement and feeding into negative stereotypes.
Im crying you have no idea how much I needed to hear this. It’s exactly what I was thinking as well but no one was saying it. I really love her a lot. This was hurting me all night and it’s not usual for me to wake up upset so I figured something was wrong with me and wanted to fix it before it became a bigger problem. She doesn’t have any friends that last longer than a week which is why I wanted advice. I’d hate to just be that person that dictates who she can and can’t talk to when she already hardly talks to anyone
Girl tell him you went today and he must've just not seen you leave. He's taking the piss out of you, he's freeloading and taking advantage of you, he knows he has to buy groceries and just doesn't want to go.
Kick him out and see how much he enjoys having to actually fend for himself, see if he can convince his landlord he laid last time so he doesn't need to now.
Talk to him. Tell him you understand he’s trying to minimize your problems to make them smaller so you will feel better that it’s not worse, but the result is now you feel both sick and invalidated. What you really wanted from him is some compassion and love.
His reaction to that will be your cue whether to stay with him and work through your communication differences, or if he’s an insensitive jackass you should dump.
Taking a break is code for I want to cheat on you and not feel guilty about it.
Don’t become Rachel.
By your own words you were emotionally abusive. She has moved on, she didn’t cheat, she just found someone else. Even if she did cheat, what does it matter now. You truly want what’s best for your son? Then figure out how to coparent. Let her live! her life without your emotional manipulation. You getting “closure” will cause her pain. You trying to break up her relationships will cause her pain. You are only focusing on your happiness at the detriment to hers and you are using your child to justify that.
Get some therapy, work on yourself, and accept that the romantic part of your relationship is over. Accept that you can coparent in separate households or sign away your parental rights.
He could be great if he wants to be? And he's “great when he's in a good mood”, right? And “he's so nice when he's nice”, and “he has such potential to be great (even though he mostly isn't)”. You see what you're saying right? You're swimming in a pool of red flags. Take care of your daughter and leave him be.
Well, your relationship is over. As soon as she starts falsely accusing you of things, trust is completely gone. Now you need to talk to a lawyer, explain the situation to them, and prepare for a shitshow, because, if you break up with her, or even stay with her, she'll claim to others that you raped her. You can't touch her again….. EVER….
If she was invested in this relationship, she just shot herself in the foot, because she just destroyed it.
Yeah, so you claim that he is “a very loving boyfriend” that you feel like you are the perfect match. But I do not see it. At all.
There is NOTHING in your post that screams “loving boyfriend” or “perfect match”.
What your post does show:
He refused to put any effort into visiting you.
He demands so much of your attention, that he is impacting on your quality of life. And he doesn’t care.
He is emotionally manipulative & so insecure, he thinks that you not immediately responding to messages means you are breaking up with him.
He objects to every decision that you make (that realistically, are really none of his business).
He says and does things that he KNOWS will upset you, but makes you feel bad because he is upset at how you reacted.
Hun, what you described goes beyond basic “clinginess”. He is emotionally manipulative & insecure and is trying to use that to control what you do, and make you feel bad for upsetting him.
You can’t fix his insecurities. He has to. But it seems pretty obvious he has zero desire & wants to make them your problems, not his.
Exactly. So you can’t say for sure that it’s more often than not. There’s evidence for both sides, and experiences on both sides. You’re just making a claim and trying to place it as fact. You’re making a blanket statement and feeding into negative stereotypes.
Im crying you have no idea how much I needed to hear this. It’s exactly what I was thinking as well but no one was saying it. I really love her a lot. This was hurting me all night and it’s not usual for me to wake up upset so I figured something was wrong with me and wanted to fix it before it became a bigger problem. She doesn’t have any friends that last longer than a week which is why I wanted advice. I’d hate to just be that person that dictates who she can and can’t talk to when she already hardly talks to anyone
Girl tell him you went today and he must've just not seen you leave. He's taking the piss out of you, he's freeloading and taking advantage of you, he knows he has to buy groceries and just doesn't want to go.
Kick him out and see how much he enjoys having to actually fend for himself, see if he can convince his landlord he laid last time so he doesn't need to now.
Nobody deserves to be stuck w a hobosexual
Talk to him. Tell him you understand he’s trying to minimize your problems to make them smaller so you will feel better that it’s not worse, but the result is now you feel both sick and invalidated. What you really wanted from him is some compassion and love.
His reaction to that will be your cue whether to stay with him and work through your communication differences, or if he’s an insensitive jackass you should dump.