Must i (F30) tell my long time friend (M31) I found him
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I (F30) recently reconnected with my friend (M31) who seem to I’ve known for 18 yrs. We have been talking non end and sending pictures (ofcourse not nudes), being a little sexy, calling each other nude, sexy, ect.
I have been on SSRIs for a long time and have trouble sensation any kind of turned on, haven’t acquired sex in 4+ yrs and haven’t cum in probably 2 years, but the final few days I have been cumming speaking with him and looking at their shirtless pics.
He has kids and had told me how this individual feels unwanted and does not have the best self esteem. Should I tell him he has been making me cum?
TLDR: should I inform my friend (M31) that I (F30) cum thinking about him?
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This dude has an alcohol problem. Staying makes it your problem, too.
Personally, I think he's lying about what the issue is, or else he's simply subconsciously misinterpreting your tone of voice, but you might as well start by taking him at face value and assume he's telling you the truth. Some people genuinely do have a naturally off-putting tone of voice or facial expressions without realizing it. This can especially happen if you were raised in different cultures–a certain tone of voice in one culture can mean something different in a different culture, for example.
Even though this is totally unreasonable one level, give it a try: Literally ask him to help you practice your tone of voice. Try phrasing requests different ways with different tones of voice and ask him what works best for him. You could even use a voice memo app to record the conversation so you can refer back to it.
Personally, I think that on some level he just resents that he should ever have to do anything you ask of him, but that's not really a fair assumption, since I don't know either one of you.
I’m going to repeat something our marriage counselor told us that was a lightbulb moment: there is too much work. It’s not necessarily that he’s not pulling his weight (60 hours a week at work is A LOT), and it’s not that you’re not pulling your weight (trying to clean your house when your kids are little is like trying to put all the bath water on the left side of the tub), it’s that there is too much work for two adults to do so even though you’re both doing work there’s still more left to do and you’re both left with the impression that since you’re barely keeping your head above water the other partner must be slacking off.
The solution is less work. Can you hire someone to walk the dog, or do the laundry, or make dinner? Can you find solutions like grocery pick up and batch cooking? Can you enroll the 5yo in dance or soccer and carpool with another family so you can put 2yo down for a nap and shower or sweep the floor? Do you have friends you can lean on – we used to have a group of 5 moms of toddlers and every Friday, we would go a different moms house. 2-3 moms would keep the kids entertained outside while the others helped the mom whose home it was do laundry, dishes, pull the 4t clothes out of the 6-year-olds drawers, vacuum under the couch and between the cushions, etc. It was a lifesaver when my kids were little.
It sounds like working opposite schedules you and your husband have very little time to have good & fun interactions with each other. Can you find two hours a week that are just for you and your husband? Not for housework, not for paying bills or organizing the logistics of being parents. Just for the two of you to be a couple again. Because right now, it may feel like poorly matched roommates and that is definitely not healthy for a marriage.