(F23)(M23) I don’t want to use birth control anymore, but my bf doesn’t want to use condoms
8KI have been on birth control since I was 18. It has worsened my depression, made me suicidal on my periods, and given me weeks long pms symptoms followed by weeks long periods. No matter what I've been on, I've had very similarly bad experiences. Every time I've been on birth control, it's purely been for my partner as I don't even really get much out of penetrative sex. My last boyfriend didn't like condoms and my current boyfriend doesn't either, and both times I’ve been very encouraged to go on something. I was off it for a bit during my current relationship, and it completely ruined our sex life because my boyfriend refused to give condoms a proper go. I get it. They're not amazing, but I could see myself getting used to them but he flat out won't try.
I've had conversations about him getting a vasectomy in the future because we both said we definitely don't want kids. we both even talked about fostering or adoption because if we ever change our minds, we're sure we would rather help out children who are already alive rather than bring more into the world. I only ever talked about it in the future, years from now. But now that we're 3 years in, I am struggling on birth control, we both don't want biological children, and he doesn't want to use condoms I brought it up again. He said even though he's 100% sure he doesn't want kids, he doesn't like how definitive a vasectomy is. He just told me to come off birth control and we'll figure it out after the fact. As someone who has had pregnancy scares, this is absolutely not an option. I think it's really irresponsible not to have a plan for something like this.
I just don't know what to do. It's just upsetting. I, of course don't want to pressure him to do something to his body that he's not comfortable with but at the same time that's what he's been expecting of me. That aspect just gets to me sometimes. Just how a lot of men take for granted what a toll birth control takes on women. He saw how I was barely holding on at one point. when I went off it I improved a lot. I just don't think I'm mentally well enough right now to deal with the side effects, but I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss.
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I'd want to hear her version of events before making any judgement as it sounds like your word against hers, but I'd suggest you do back off on any more physical contact until you know where this is going in case you compound it. It's possible she was assaulted in the past and has conflicted feelings around this.
Full stop. She was playing a “time sensitive game of chess in the bathroom” which translates to screwing around because GaMeS ArE ReAlLy SuPeR ImPoRtAnT (barf, in this scenario). Then she mistakenly referred to your Employment RECRUITER who is a professional colleague who needs to know how things went so they can negotiate on your behalf as your FRIEND? Then she followed this up with “the Silent Treatment” and doesn’t want to talk / be your cheering squad because little Miss Narcissist has her feelings hurt?
If this is her normal, RUN! If this is a temporary behavioral anomaly followed with apologies, okay. Either way, this internet stranger is NOT impressed with her. You have done nothing wrong. If she attempts to convince you that your behavior is bad, agree and DUMP HER IMMEDIATELY. Dating is a job interview, and she is failing miserably.