Not sure what happened. We had a dinner date at 7 pm. I (25f) showed up at 7:08. He (26m) wouldn’t come out, texted that he does so much for me, but he feels I never reciprocate (because I was six minutes late), and he refuses to talk to me.
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We're dating for two years (we online separately). I am currently extremely busy with work & life, and so is he. We work very different schedules, so sometimes we go days without seeing each other. Today, he insisted on dinner, I was exhausted (worked a 24 hr shift) and didn't really want to go out, but I eventually gave in. I asked if he can drive because I haven't slept in 24 hrs, but he didn't want to drive, so I went to pick him up. I got to his house 8 minutes late and the above happened. I am not sure what his issue is with me.
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I canāt be in a relationship like this. Itās hurtful and I donāt look at him the same way
Yeah this is it.
Remember OP when he tries to excuse himself with I DIDNT DO ANYTHING NOTHING HAPPENED
What that means is, “I only TRIED to cheat on you and I failed!”
It's not ok.
He might be doing mundane tasks on the phone to slightly distract him and make the oral session last longer.
I also suspected possible ADHD.
Problems with working memory means having a nude time remembering what one believes and why, which makes it nude to articulate beyond a feeling that āX mattersā and itās easy to have oneās mind changed. And things heās interested in may not hold his interest for long, so he either seems to have 1000 interests or none really. And heās going to be very sensitive to othersā feelings and judgements, and read into stuff because he often misunderstands minds unlike his own, and be not great at emotional regulation. And heāll need body doubles to get shit done or to enjoy stuff (so doing a hobby alone might be totally unappealing and he doesnāt understand why youād want to be alone without him at the disc golf field). And heād need novelty to enjoy stuff so disc golf is only fun the first time and then just becomes a burdensome amount of work to go do after that. And heās received lots and lots of negative messages for trying to ābe himselfā over the years because who he is is weird and fickle.
Heās likely not going to be an intellectual or have opinions on things beyond his special interests. But heāll likely develop creative habits if given permission and encouragement to. And his special interests really do matter to him.
Are there any ideas or parts of life that seem to consistently light him up? Usually thereās at least one thread you can find to tease out.
His special interest might be you in general and his own trauma rn in particular. The latter is not great. I think trauma therapy made my adhd symptoms much worse. Adhd Coaching, a professional goal and a shared family goal, and some life skills support so I felt more capable was much better.
If he has ADHD, he is likely very loyal and really wants to please you. But you youāll need strong boundaries and positivity to get through this. CHADD is an org that has support groups. James Ochoa has some articles/books that I think help with emotional storms of adult adhd.
Heās really not just play doh OP but he may need a lot of support to find and remember and embrace who he isā¦and heāll have limited bandwidth for caring about topics that donāt help him survive. It takes a lot of spoons to manage a reeling, untreated ADD brain and thereās not a lot left for non essentials.
Have you tried talking with him about your insecurities? Setting a trap for him is a really shitty thing to do and isn't a long-term solution. If you feel like you can't trust him, it might be better for you both to break up. If I found out that my bf tried to test me, I would be livid. This whole thing is a huge red flag
Well, in that case, he needs to grow up. May be your girlfriend should make some between them .
He's not honest, he's an asshole.
It sounds an awful lot like negging: Deliberately undermining your self esteem so you'll be happy to have him.
So what does he think about all that useless flesh around your mouth? Because thatās the only thing he appears to want you for.