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Put this way the talk is coming.
Most people go off line a fire cracker before or after the “event”.
I have had a few friends in similar position and in all cases denial was the game play. The person in the wrong will deny all the way. But … if you have evidence then you are good to go.
Put it this way you need a game plan to get evidence to allow you to be best prepared for her when you have the “talk”.
And lawyer up. Even if you don’t use the lawyer in the end.
Do you track her phone?
I am going to make a wild guess and say she’s going to hook up with an old flame ….
Good luck brother but remember to keep your powder dry and play the game.
I recently spoke with a guy, now passed, whu had caught his wife playing away with his business partner. He evidenced up, lawyered up, then outed them. He then passed away. He was brilliant. He kept cool and got his ducks lined up. I will try and find a link to his first post and put it here for you.
He’s also already comfortable with DARVO.
Something tells me this is not the only thing he dismisses your valid concerns/complaints about.
Regardless, this behavior is literally making your home unsafe and you uncomfortable in your own home. If he won’t change, you have to go. No rational person with a scrap of common sense would say you’re doing the wrong thing by removing yourself from that situation.
Get some distance, think long and hot about the entire relationship to see whether it’s worth it, and don’t go back for words, only deeds.
8 days is a long time!! Did he at least seem thrilled to see you when he you? Did he try to make your 5 days together special (eg. Not always looking at his phone)?
It could be a seasonal type depression . It is common.
Look into how to deal with workaholics. Keep talking to him about it. If your needs are not being met, it matters.
How does 50 50 work when you're away for a year? She gets the child one year and you get him the next?
I don't think you've thought this through adequately.
In any case, plan on paying child support (at least while she has him). If you're not sure how much to budget that for, contact family court and ask them. (Based on your expected income and your SO's.)
For being honest about what he feels(or doesn't)?
At a sushi bar!
I really want to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt that he wanted the threesome to be enjoyable as possible – as in the third party wouldn’t be a random person, but someone you were already close to and willing to be intimate with just for fun.
But honestly? If my boyfriend ever told me he wanted a threesome with a friend, I’d be extremely hurt too. The thought of “oh, it’s to please me and make me comfy since it’s with someone I know and not someone random” wouldn’t even cross my mind at all. I’d just be thinking “he wants (friend) and not me” “how long has he wanted them?” “does he think about them when he’s with me?” “why’s he with me if he wants to be with them?” and so on. OP, I pinky promise you that you are more than 100% in the right to feel hurt by what he said. It was inappropriate, even if it was just a “fantasy” or whatever. Especially if he was specific about what would happen/who he wanted it with. Whether or not he gave you a specific name, please bring up how uncomfortable he made you. Something like, “I understand we were being open and honest with each other, but the fact you wanted a threesome with (my friends/one of my friends specifically) made me extremely uncomfortable. I’m gonna have to ask you to please reassure me you only want me and do something to show me that, or tell me what you really want out of our relationship.” And then you go on from there. If he tries to open up your relationship and you’re not comfortable with that, safe to say that it’s best to leave. But if he works his butt off to try and amend your relationship because his common sense finally kicked back in, then I can only wish you both the best.
Again OP, I’m so sorry for what your boyfriend said. It was terribly wrong and I hope you are able to heal from it. You are wonderful inside and out – don’t ever doubt it! ?