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Yes I would consider it unethical. Thank you for your contribution to this post.
Then why haven’t you asked him to? I think that’s part of the problem. You don’t know her, have met her once and this has been going on for years. I’d be uncomfortable too if my partner had a friend of the opposite sex and I’ve never met them. Especially if they were close friends.
It’s time to sit down and have a conversation with him about why you two haven’t been introduced after all this time.
What does what your saying have to do with anything? You want sex and he doesn’t want to have sex with you, you cannot change his mind.
My bf (35) and I (26) have been together for going on 3 years now- honestly we've found that no one really cares. And w ehardly even think about it. I know it's a little more challenging when you're the older woman but I was in the same place as your bf. I already owned a home and was divorced by 23- I have between been the “date around” type. I've always wanted to start and date for marriage or for long term it is really uncommon around my age to find people wanting the dame and the mentality about what that looks like is so different.
You have to be honest and firm about setting boundaries. Telling your wife you're uncomfortable with her going on dates with / receiving gifts from other men is very fair. This is a very low bar for both of you to respect.