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To help out this in perspective, when I first got together with my now husband, he was not a virgin and I was. We were both completely naked and ready. I freaked a little and told him I couldn’t. His response? “Okay, let’s get dressed and go get something to eat.”
Anyone prepared to guilt you or be upset that you don’t want to do something sexual with them isn’t someone you should be sleeping with, period.
Move on and block this man baby.
Open thy eyes
His verbal and emotional abuse and the age gap aside…
My ex-husband traveled for “work” (musician). I trusted him 1000%. Times he didn't answer my calls or messages, I assumed he was busy or asleep. I'm sure he was sometimes, but it also turns out, he was banging other women. And yes, he got their numbers and they continued talking (and banging when he was over there), resulting in at least 3 actual year+ relationships. I was completely clueless.
Thank goodness we don't have any kids, and I also am fortunate to live in a “fault” state and had beaucoup proof of his cheating (along with financial infidelity). You already carry more than half the load, even when he isn't out of town. You will be better off without him. And it's likely he will have to pay you child support and perhaps even alimony. And you should fight for every penny.
TL;DR: he's cheating or trying to cheat. Consult with an attorney and come up with an exit plan.
Dude, break up with her or don’t, but don’t frame it like you’re not in control of your own choices. If you don’t want to be with her anymore, block her and be done with it. I honestly have no patience for indecisiveness.
I made a firm decision years ago: I no longer participate in relationships in which double standards are required. Suggest you do the same, OP. It's cool for him to get some rando's number but not okay for you to do the same? He's trolling for a side piece, without doubt. Please gather your self-respect, put yourself and kids first.
I'm so sorry. I've been through this, and it hurts like hell. But living with, being married to a man you cannot trust is worse.
Does she appreciate these gestures, or boss u around all the time?
This whole “It's just platonic, honest” holds no water at all, otherwise why had she not already told him that? Why did it take you challenging her with losing you before she was prepared to tell him what wasn't on the table? And why did she specifically text him that she felt a connection to him, that's straight out flirting, no question. So why? And if you don't get to the bottom of why, and solve whatever it is that she was doing it for, you absolutely cannot trust her again, this will recur. Along with that, she was doing it with no honesty to you, so you cannot trust anything she says with regards to her future reliability, she would have been down to do something with him if you hadn't interrupted this little love fest.
The fact that you did, means she has a lot of miles to run before you can trust her again, and if she doesn't start right now, with full disclosure about her intentions, her issues, being completely honest about the whole thing, then it's not worth trying further.
Simply put, she was going to investigate her feelings with this guy further as long as you never knew. How much can you trust her now when you don't know what else she'll pull? Only abject grovelling would even persuade me to listen any further.
Please tell me you currently online in the in-law apartment and not that she’s moving into one.. The way you worded it is really confusing
Honestly I think it could also be deep misogny. Some guys want to have sex with women but don't really see us as people, so the kind of emotional relationship they have with their friends is impossible.
He should know what it's like to be on the other side of this issue/topic, so he should treat others better!
Divorce him FR
Honestly, I would text him that he need to go somewhere else until he's ready to talk.
This is textbook emotional abuse and manipulation.
Whatever he does with his life and himself is not your fault not your responsibility.
Contact his family and let them know what he’s saying. If you don’t know his family, all the police for a wellness check.
Then block his number.
Yup. I had the exact same situation with the same outcome. I'm just 5 years older. It's straight up manipulation.
Yeah, if they didn't come clean I'd cut them both off. You have a right to know why your bf no longer wants to be your friend and fiance should be supporting you and not keeping secrets. It's not his job to decide what are are or are not able to handle. You are an adult. He's not your father.
This is a bizarre take. I feel like “talk to them” is the number one most suggested thing I see, unless OP specifically states that they have tried to talk it out and haven’t gotten anywhere.
“Tapped out” at 25? Nah, I’m not feeling this for you. Wish her all the best and move on.
Hun you have been in this relationship for 6 years and have gotten what out of it? He literally is cheating on you and you're going along with it because you feel like you're so in love with him that you can't live without him.
Once you get away from him and work on yourself and fix yourself and get therapy and see what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like and you find another partner who treats you better. You will see that he was toxic in the wrong one all along.
Have some self-respect do not allow him to treat you like this and get away with it.
Man, lol. That’s insane. I can’t imagine about to be married to someone who could give up on our relationship so easily. Not to sound like a dick, but how much could she have cared for you if she could break up with her future husband that easily? My friends are all lifers from high school but I can’t imagine anyone choosing each other over our partners. We’ve had times we’re we didn’t like our significant others partner but realised you can’t ever put friendship over your life partner, so we made due.
Both of them sound Co-dependent weirdos. Who ends shit like that? She didn’t even try to mediate or do anything in person between, y’all.
You actually got lucky because now you have a chance to find someone who actually feels like they can’t on-line without you, not someone who walks away that easy. Big yikes, homie.
There's no “probably” about it! Gather her stuff into bags or boxes and leave them in front of your house. She doesn't deserve entry anymore for any reason.
I guess you just have to decide if that's what you want in a relationship. Sounds exhausting to me, manipulative even.
I don’t think I even have a valid reason to feel this way.
Feelings will out.
I just have been working as much as I can to not think about it.
You have to process it, and your feelings. Bottling it up will just make it worse in the long run.
It sounds like maybe your brother was a big deal in high school, and has declined a lot since. Does this knowledge make it feel like he “had” something more of yours? Even more than the little snacks and snarky comments you remember? Would you have thought differently of your wife if you'd known as a teen? You're not a teen now, should you have thought differently of her? Do you regret the life you've built with her?
Is it just weird to think that your brother experienced something so intimate with her? Or that you and he had a similar sexual experience? Perfectly reasonable to be weirded out by those thoughts. Incest is gross. I love my siblings dearly and we have good relationships, but I prefer to believe their sex lives are all but theoretical.
Do you feel betrayed she didn't tell you? Do you feel that this information affected your brother negatively, or made his issues worse somehow? Was he very concerned with ego and machismo, and would it kill him to see you “win something” he wanted?
Does it just bring up bad feelings from that time in your life in general?
Reddit doesn't agree, but I really do believe in white lies. I think your wife omitting this information was a kindness to you. It seems pretty likely to me that it helped you build this life you have, a life that sounds pretty good. You don't have to get over your feelings overnight, and it may take some time to process them. They're valid, even if you choose to act differently than they're telling you to act right now. (Eg if your gut instinct is to separate, it's coming from a real place even if you don't want to actually separate from your wife). Happy to provide further questions if they're at all helpful.
Is he a stranger, or is he a friend that you’ve never heard of?
Buying a friend drinks and and vice versa doesn’t mean anything. When I go out with friends, we buy each other drinks all the time, and it’s expected that they buy us some back. It just makes more sense than every single person going to the bar and having to buy one drink + pay + tip.
No one said anything about him meeting women. The double standard is that he did his hobby for years without making money from it, does it now while barely making money from it, yet wants his wife to not do her hobby.
I wonder if we have a vehicle that floats.. maybe I should invent one
As a 42 professional woman, this ^ is solid gold advice ^
yea, any person trying to guilt/manipulate you into having sex is not a person you want to be in a relationship with. he should've respected your no instead of pouting and acting like a child
that behavior would honestly be a deal breaker for me
Boudaries and rules are the same thing. Break them you’re done. Imagine if your bf ran to a girl and gossiped about your relationship.. you wouldn't like it would you?
OP is perfectly in the right to set boundaries. If she doesn't like she can leave.
Yeah wtf not having sex will hurt your mental health does sound like some shit teenage boys would say. ?
OP I'm a bit concerned as to why your gf would say you two sleeping together is hurting her mentally. For her to be that uncomfortable is worrisome. Thats the bit you need to focus on. That's a conversation to have.
Does she feel pressured to have sex with you? Not saying u pushed her but maybe she really isn't ready for a sexual relationship or she realized she really isn't comfortable being sexually active.
If that's the case you should have a conversation with her and if you honestly can't accept that then leave because she isn't happy and deserves to feel okay not because of all the dumb shit you're little immature friends are saying.
With your voice