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He’s nervous babe, do him a favor and pop one
She needs to block him off of everything, if she pushes back then you have your answer. He clearly made her upset and she shouldn't be talking to him again, why would she hesitate blocking him if they are completely done ?
Holy fuuuuu do people not understand depression? “I feel like I have nothing and no one and just want to know someone cares.” “Showing someone you care is enabling them!!!”
Ffs Reddit. Us depressed people sometimes just need a little kindness.
Why?
Thank you, I appreciate your input. I pretty much said everything you mentioned and she seemed to take it pretty well.
100% agree. Come at it that you're coming from a place of care and love. If you didn't, you wouldn't say anything. But you are trying to help. Part of a relationship requires each person to be OPEN to lean on and learn from the other. That's the most incredible part which is why trust is so vital.
Good luck!
I mean, fundamentally, I get it. My partner has a child with his ex wife so I see the proof of their sexual past in my home every day and get to see the ex a few times a month as well.
But I think you need to do some mental gymnastics and get over it. Just accept and move on. If bad thoughts are infiltrating, think about something else…baseball stats, shark week, the meaning of life….
I feel like you are arguing a question that wasn't asked. Everything you said is technically true but you completely flew past all of her sus non-co-parenting behavior.
Spending new years eve with your ex and not your boyfriend is not co-parenting. 1-2 hour secret FaceTimes in the basement isn't co-parenting. OP is getting played. There is nuance here that matters.
Like what? This is pretty basic. It’s the “best friend” chasing away the girlfriend.
The pinching your nipple very hot bit stood out to me. Is this something he does a lot?
Are you hoping for marriage and kids with this man? Waiting for what? What do you mean figure it out? What have you been doing the past 7 years? This is peak sunk cost fallacy.
You’re both in your 40s not 20s. If you and him don’t know by now then you never will. There is no new information that can be gained from more time together. Stop hoping and waiting for an alcoholic. You don’t even know what you’re hoping and waiting for after 7 years together.
He is an alcoholic. You don’t on-line together, which means you’re not even working towards building a life together after 7 years. This relationship is going nowhere. Don’t hope for something else if you’re staying with this guy. This is it. The fact that he won’t even live! with you after so many years together means he prob has a foot out the door until someone else comes along— sorry. Stop enabling this by no longer accepting a relationship w/ someone who gives you the bare minimum.
I’m sorry you wasted the last half of your 30s on this guy, but don’t give him all your early 40s too. If this isn’t the relationship you want then break up already.
They are taking no personal responsibility here. Perhaps someone did take advantage but it doesn't sounds like it. Why block their friends? Because they don't want to acknowledge the truth? Blocking multiple friends isn't a good sign
Get out before you get too invested.
He might wanna stock up on dna tests
I appreciate you taking the time to give your thoughts! It’s an interesting thing because he is generally receptive to feedback, but this one issue he pushes back on a lot. For example when we first started dating he would often interrupt me to interject his thoughts/experience and I let him know that it bothered me immensely. With much practice he has not done it in months. He waits for a moment after I’m done talking and then takes his turn to speak.
I think the social aspect is likely something he’s particularly sensitive about. He’s generally aware that people perceive him and interact with him differently, and he’s aware he has difficulty reading people well in the moment as he’s taken some classes to help with that. And also how to communicate with people better. So that’s why he had the testing done – to see if there was something more than just an inability to read people.
Some things to consider for me. Thank you.
You not big on reading between the lines are you?
You want an open relationship, she does not.
she should find someone with matching values as you should as well.
having a different view of sexual relationships is a core value. if you do not share the same values over time is will show in many parts of your relationship.
Yeah for real tho. A 30 year old has no business behaving like this. Goddamn. And I thought my ex wife had a drinking problem but not like that
Also something to consider; reach out to all of his coworkers that you are on good terms with and ask if he had been doing alright at work. This is weird to come out all at once. Maybe this isn't the first incident, just the largest
” I did nofap for about 4 years now and know how devastating porn can be”
Yeah, that's like 99% bullshit. Whole nofap has literally no scientific support and is based on some WILD assumptions on how human body works.
Dump him he's a dead weight. He obviously has an enabler who is working against you ,unless he lives in van someone is suppoting a 28 year old man to sit on his ass and game. Even if he got a decent job his lazy ass will probably make a lousy husband or father.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life nagging a guy to do the absolute minimum?
Same town first makes sense before moving in together. If your relationship is completely long distance the reality is you don’t actually really know each other that well.
Holy insecure much…
Maybe I like feeling like a kid again? ? tf 22 is still so young, like I’d enjoy watching stuff like that too.
So my ex did exactly the same thing when i broke up with her. She created an account called “Anya” and started talking to me. She told me the same things you are describing here “Telling him he should go for the girl that's right in front of him”, “That life is too short to not take chances”. The things is that i finally caught her because of the manners and some things she posted. This is one of the creepiest memories I have from my whole life and I didn't even saw my ex again. I can't imaging datingthe girl that did that after that happened.
Yes I think you should pay a small amount of rent – still wear and tear and his property he doesn’t owe you a free ride. I think the imbalance would be him not knowing if you stay when things are tough just because it’s free digs. Or live on your own and let him get a housemate
I agree with the top comments. You've done your part. She needs to compromise too. You should be able to see your friends without feeling stressed about it.
Also, random info I learned a few weeks ago but she may have a priorization wound, which basically is something that comes from childhood. So she may not have felt prioritized as a child, so when she doesn't feel prioritized by you it makes her feel very upset. (I have this so I understand to an extent).
You are not broken at all.
Some people are good at verbally expressing their affection, some people aren’t. Some people love hearing it, but for others it makes them feel some kind of way. And just because some people are good at dishing it out, doesn’t automatically mean they enjoy being on the receiving end (or vice versa). Everyone is different. Doesn’t make you (or him) wrong.
The thing you need to work out is why you don’t like it. That’s the important part.