I [F25] just found out my partner [M25] is homophobic and I think I lost feelings for him.
5KPossible TW? Homophobia and homophobic comments
I’ve known my partner for some years now and I guess we never discussed sexuality ever.
I know half the blame is on me since I’m the other partner. I normally don’t talk about my sexuality and I won’t exactly jump in to explain my sexuality, but if someone directly asks me then I’ll answer.
I’m also not super vocal about my sexuality, so I guess that also confused my partner?
Anyways. Pride month now and I don’t really pay much attention to it, but apparently my partner is and recently he’s been saying some nasty stuff about queer people and even saying they deserve violence or whatever harsh treatment people or god has planned…
I basically found out my partner is homophobic because of pride month. Something I used to never pay attention to and now it’s caught my attention.
He’s never expressed anger or desire to harm queer people ever until recently. I’m assuming because it’s pride month, but still. I’m mostly shocked because he’s never expressed this before and it completely contradicts what I thought his “normal” personality was/how he treats me.
At first I thought he was joking, but then his tone turned serious and he went on this whole rant about how everyone that’s queer or part of the community are bad and deserve the worst.
I asked if he feels the same about me and that’s when he found out that I’m not exactly straight.
All he did was pause for a second then say, “Well. You won’t go to hell since you’re with me, but if you touch, kiss, or look at another girl then you’re going to hell. I don’t make the rules.”
And that was it.
I know this isn’t an issue of “religious people hating,” but a homophobic person hating.
Most of my family are religious and also accepting of everyone. As long as they’re not assholes they won’t hate on them.
I don’t know how to explain to my partner that I can’t move on from his jokes about how violence against people or certain sexuality or certain races is okay.
It’s also confusing because we’ve both experienced prejudice for our race, but he still expressed racist hate against everyone except himself and his family despite having experienced prejudice.
He also used to act gay around his friends and loved pushing the boundaries to make them uncomfortable, but apparently that’s okay to do because he doesn’t mean it?
So I’m both confused and uncomfortable staying in a relationship with him.
I can’t ignore the things he said and I don’t think I want to have someone in my life who truly believes I deserve eternal suffering for not doing anything wrong.
I can’t accept the excuse of “God says so” because I know that that’s not what modern churches are preaching.
I know he gives people who cherry pick shit, but he’s doing the exact same thing with his beliefs.
I didn’t even realize it was bothering me that much until recently where I’m even afraid to change my gaming card to express support or pride.
Like, the littlest, most insignificant, thing (related to gaming card) is now causing me so much stress because I’m worried he’ll see it and think harshly/poorly of me. For some reason I’m afraid of his disapproval or disappointment even though it shouldn’t matter.
Edit: tried to add some clarifications.
Edit 2: No, I’m not interested in starting another relationship.
Edit 3: I am planning to break up with him. I just needed advice on how to properly communicate why I’m leaving without causing any upset or misunderstandings.
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