UPDATE: [25M] [22F] My gf is sad all the time because she misses her ex.
5KOriginal post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14phe47/25m_22f_my_gf_is_sad_all_the_time_because_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Hello everyone, just wanted to give an update since a lot of you were concerned in my last post, which I really appreciate. I know it's been a few days but this just happened so I want to get it out. And I’m posting this on a throwaway because for some reason my original account isn’t working.
After the last post, she asked me if we could take a week apart to “figure things out”. I asked her if we were breaking up and she said no, just taking a break and giving each other some space so we can think clearly. Now, in the past, taking breaks has never worked in my previous relationships. But hey, I thought maybe this time she'd see the wrongs of her ways and come back to me more in love than ever.
So a day goes by, and we're on our break not really talking. Then all of a sudden, late at night, she asks me if she can come over that night. I ask her why since we're on a break, she says she misses me. This is at like 1AM, so I'm sleepy and confused. Okay I say, I let her come over and she spends the night. Next day, she asks to come over again. I say sure and she does. At this point I start getting suspicious for a couple reasons… 1. her pubic regions were recently shaved, and she has very rarely ever done that with me and we hadn't even done anything together in like a couple weeks. I asked her and she just said yeah she shaved after work. 2. she was wearing a bracelet, which I had never seen before. I asked her about it and she didn't even respond. So now I'm thinking something's up, but maybe it's just my insecurities. Oh well, I sleep it off.
Next day, today, we go to work (we work in the same building). She sometimes leaves her phone in the car and she did so this morning. Now this is where I will admit I am in the wrong, but when I was on my break I went out to our car and looked in her phone. I saw so many messages to her ex, Tom. Saying how she wanted him. Those nights she came over to my house late? She was spending the evening with him earlier. She sent him nudes of herself that I took of her. The night before when I dropped her off at home, I saw she texted him 30 mins later telling him to come over. I felt sick to my stomach and my heart was racing. I put the phone down, messaged her on facebook to never talk to me again, and blocked her on everything, even her number.
She then found me in my office and very loudly asked me what was going on, in front of my coworkers. I told her we could go outside and talk and we did. I told her that I saw everything on her phone. She yelled at me, called me crazy, and said “I can't be with someone so insecure as you” and then stormed off. I avoided her for the rest of the day.
Later, at the end of the work day, she came by again, this time smiling and pouting, very softly asking me if we could talk. I said whatever, and we went outside again. First thing she did was threaten to get police involved because I looked through her phone without permission, which she said was a form of breaking and entering. I kinda laughed and said go right ahead if thats what you want. Then she started tearing up and saying “why would you do that?” and I asked why she'd send nudes to Tom. She said it was for validation… I asked why she would even be with me if she felt that way about him, she said that she loved me and wanted to marry me and have kids with me… I asked if they had done anything… she said no, but part of me knows she’s lying.
Anyways, as I'm sitting there listening to all this, a part of me is wanted to just hug her and hold her and tell her we're gonna work thru this together. But then I realize that the girl I loved was never real. I just loved the idea of her. That this girl sitting in front of me with her fake tears and apologies was just going to lie again. That if I got back with her it would just enable her further. So at the end of the conversation when she asked “Are we really done forever? We can't just work thru this?” I told her no, and that I was never going to see her or speak to her again. To which she just stood up, said “If you say so…have a nice life…” and slowly walked away.
I don't know what to feel right now. Why do I feel like I made a mistake? Why do I still want to unblock her and call her and tell her that I love her? I know she's not for me. Everyone at work tells me she's not for me. My family dislikes her. Idk. Is there something wrong with me? Why does a part of me feel like I could forgive her for all that? If I believed that they didn’t have sex, I could look past it as just her making a mistake. I’m just so confused.
edit: so after I got home from work, literally 10 mins later my doorbell rings and it’s her. I ignore it but then 20 mins later she’s ringing it still. So I open the door and she’s crying, begging for me back, telling me she’ll do anything I ask her to do to make this work, that she loves me and only me and wants to marry me and have kids with me and move far away with me. I asked her, if all that was true why she’d do any of those things she did. She just cried and said she didn’t know, that she’s stupid and was looking for validation, that she has abandonment issues from her childhood… anyways, after we talked I basically just stood my ground and told her there’s no chance of making this work anymore and sent her home. She asked me to unblock her in case of emergency, and I only agreed for the next week or so while this settles down. I’m reading all your comments now, this is all just so crazy to me. How could this girl do this? I can’t even fathom talking to someone else while in a relationship, let alone cheating…
edit 2: ok so I blocked her again, per yalls recommendation… but before I did she had already sent me a few texts: “Was I wrong to assume we were getting back together?” “I mean we were fine yesterday and last night” “If you don’t want to be with me anymore fine” “I’ll accept that and leave you alone”
I have a feeling she’ll be showing up at my front door again later… I just hope I have the strength to not open it.
">
