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Basically she's not sure she believes you.
So first you are totally right to not want to see your brother, for any reason, because he is openly manipulating you after already stealing a lot of money from you. And let me be clear no matter how real any of his threats are- and I highly doubt they are- that you should not give him a dime.
Your parents are of no help, so no reason to even try and play nice for the holidays, unless your parents are willing to confront him about his behavior or at least agree to step in if he says anything.
So, be clear with your mother- I will not be in the same room as brother until he pays me back and also demonstrates that he won't ask me for more money. I might have considered staying anyway, if I at least thought you would be on my side and defend me. I am living at home to save money BECAUSE my brother stole from me, and you don't care. He threatens to hurt himself if I don't give him more money, and you don't care. Therefore, this is not a safe place for me to be when he is here. I will not be here for Christmas, the end.
Is it wrong that I've always wanted a cock in a cage…. Screw other men and make him watch OP. Either that or accept he's definitely bi and you can't keep him locked up forever…
Not really. There's different degrees, such as larceny and embezzlement. Also different kinds, such as by trick, default, by omission. Oh, and the federal government only lists two kinds of fraud as federal crimes; tampering with electric mail or against the government itself. That's not a small thing.
To be fair, she did blindside them. If she didn't want such a visceral reaction then she would have approached it with more finesse. If you want people to be respectful of your values then you need to be respectful of theirs.