UPDATE: Husband [30M] and I [28F] opened our relationship and now everything is terrible.
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We're getting a divorce.
He came home yesterday afternoon and we had a long, very emotional talk. I asked him questions that I never asked when he told me she was pregnant.
He admitted to not using protection. He says he never slept with her before we opened the relationship but he did kiss her. He said she's the only one he's slept with. He said the night before he gave me the open or divorce ultimate, when we argued about sex, was a last ditch effort to get me to work on things. He admitted that he should've just asked for a divorce instead of asking to open the relationship. He also said I share some blame in this marriage falling apart, which I agree with. I asked him if he remembers if I was always like this, he said in the first 1-3 years of our relationship I was enthusiastic about having sex even if my sex drive was low. He admitted he hasn't been in love with me for a while, and he is in love with this other woman. I asked why he suddenly wants kids, he said he's slowly changed his mind about kids over the years but never said anything because our relationship has been so broken that it wouldn't have mattered. He thinks I didn't go to therapy because of my parents, they're very conservative and religious and believe if you pray very hot enough God will give you the answer, and he thinks I subconsciously have an aversion to therapy because of them.
I asked him if he hasn't been in love with me for a while why not divorce me when he realized that. He told me he loves me, and he was in love with me once and he wanted to make his marriage work, when he kissed her her he realized it was probably too late but said there was a part of him that didn't want to leave me, he never expected to fall in love with her.
He asked me if I was still in love with him and I said I didn't know. He said that probably means no. We agreed a divorce is the best thing we can do for ourselves and each other.
We also agreed to make the divorce as painless as possible. I want to sell the house, he agreed and said he'll move out in the meantime, he said whatever he doesn't take with him I can keep or sell.
We didn't talk about alamony or anything, I'll let my lawyer and his lawyer deal with that, but I'm not sure I'm entitled to it since I work a decent job, and from what I've read, in my state that might be enough for a judge to say no.
I feel pretty numb right now. I don't think I have the energy to cry anymore. I still haven't told anyone, he said he'll wait to tell people until we get lawyers involved because it's going to be a mess with family and friends once they find out.
Anyway, that's all. He's gone and I'm laying in bed, still processing everything. Surprisingly I don't hate him, I'm not mad. I made a promise to myself to contact a therapist on Monday and I'm holding myself to that this time.
I want to thank everyone for the advice. As harsh as some of it was.
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